"Pretty please with sugar on it, close the fucking door."

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Tdarcos
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"Pretty please with sugar on it, close the fucking door."

Post by Tdarcos » Mon Aug 05, 2019 8:09 pm

I have a problem. I can't move thanks to the infection destroying all my strength, leaving me a bedridden invalid. As such, I get frustrated a lot when things don't work right for me, or fail, or become impossible to do, or otherwise require me to ask for assistance.

Take Densel Washington's role (after the injury) in The Bone Collector, add capacity for some arm movement, head movement, a few inches of body movement to make slight torso turns, cut off half of one leg, and that's me in a nutshell. Oh, and have my left leg spasm and jump up if I make too gross a movement, or certain other things.

I have problems and I am not a stoic. I am not like someone who acts like a pressure cooker that holds in anger and/or frustration, allowing it to build up until the top blows off in an explosion; I'm like a teapot that whistles constantly to blow steam off. Athough the way I "whistle," is different. I yell, cry out, screan, or say ouch when things hurt, depending on the magnitude of pain. I grunt or make other noises when something uncomfortable is done to me. I laugh - loudly - when I get tickled. And when I'm frustrated, I curse. Fuckin' a right I curse. I've got no other goddam outlet to express my son-of-a-bitching frustration when some bastard device goes tits up. Or whatever they call it when some cocksucking technology fucks you in the ass.

When I was in Room 123 (bed A) for most of my time the other bed was empty and I was far enough away from other rooms that no one else could hear me. When they put a roommate in bed B, he was somewhat hard of hearing so he couldn't hear me.

But I still had problems. When I had to have my diaper changed becaus I had to pee and did so (long story) one aide would move me roughly or the wrong way and I'd yell out in pain. This was at 3 in the morning and she's telling me to shut up because other patients outside are trying to sleep. To some extent there probably wasn't a "right way" to move me that wouldn't hurt, so I had to take it. But someone who is so clueless they don't understand suffering, ticked me off, so I cursed her out, and said, "then close the fucking door!"

Later she informs me that "we all hurt" and she even has back problems, but she's not complaining. I knew exactly what to say "That's not my problem, that's your problem."

When I came back from my amputation I guess my old room wss in use because they moved me to Room 240 which is a private room with a door.[*] Because I curse and my room is much closer to others, people complained to the staff that they found my choice of vocabulary unappealing. So I have started closing the door because I never know when the next assfucking is going to occur.

In The Shawshank Redemption, Andy Dufresne takes being sodomized by "The Sisters" stoically. I do not. So I want the door closed so I can curse all the fuck I want to, and not a goddam person can hear me.

However, the service people come in - often they knock first - deliver my food tray, medicine, clean me, clean the floor, enpty tbe trash or whatever. Then they leave and forget to close the door! To say this is frustrating is an understatement because even if the door is barely ajar I can be heard.

I've got half a mind to post a sign on the door like this:

NOTE TO THE STAFF: I appreciate what all of you do in assisting me by bringing me meals, helping me bathe, cleaning my room, and all the other things you guys do for me. However, sometimes I get frustrated when things go wrong for me, and I swear. If other people hear it, it bothers them and they complain. So, I ask that you close this door when you leave so others won't hear. Or to paraphrase Harvey Keitel in Pulp Fiction: "Pretty please with sugar on it, close the fucking door."


- - - -
[*] Every so often someone who handles the mail corrects my address by appending A to my room number so it reads "Room 240A." I'm thinking, "ehat the fuck for?" You couldn't get a second bed in here no matter how hard you tried (unless you put it over the tub in the bathroom, but then they'd have no TV to watch.) There's no need for the A/B bed distinction when the room is limited to one person.
"Shirt them a-tear up, trousers is gone/don't want to end up like Bonnie and Clyde."
-Desmond Dekker, The Israelites

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Flack
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Re: "Pretty please with sugar on it, close the fucking door."

Post by Flack » Tue Aug 06, 2019 8:10 pm

How would the note get on the door?
"Jack Flack always escapes." -Davey Osborne

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Ice Cream Jonsey
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Re: "Pretty please with sugar on it, close the fucking door."

Post by Ice Cream Jonsey » Thu Aug 08, 2019 6:48 am

Commander - I am recommending you just put up a sign that says "Please Close the Door." Nobody is going to read the four lines you want to have added there. They are going to see the word "fucking," assume you're an asshole (and you're not, my friend) and not close the door.

You have every right to be upset about what happened in all of this. In fact, I thought you were taking it a little too well. It's okay to be angry.

We can fire up Print Shop Pro on our Apples if you'd like us to make the sign and send it to you?
the dark and gritty...Ice Cream Jonsey!

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Flack
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Re: "Pretty please with sugar on it, close the fucking door."

Post by Flack » Thu Aug 08, 2019 9:27 am

I have a fear of pissing off drive-thru employees before receiving my food because of what they might do to my food. I can't fathom writing a mean note addressing the already thankless staff that feed me, wipe my butt hole, and are responsible for keeping me alive.
"Jack Flack always escapes." -Davey Osborne

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AArdvark
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Re: "Pretty please with sugar on it, close the fucking door."

Post by AArdvark » Fri Aug 09, 2019 3:09 am

Yeah, how will you put the sign on the door?

THE
LONG MARCH
TO THE HALL
AARDVARK

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Ice Cream Jonsey
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Re: "Pretty please with sugar on it, close the fucking door."

Post by Ice Cream Jonsey » Fri Aug 09, 2019 6:28 am

Well, Aardvark, they say every long march starts out with simply putting - ah, never mind.
the dark and gritty...Ice Cream Jonsey!

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AArdvark
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Re: "Pretty please with sugar on it, close the fucking door."

Post by AArdvark » Fri Aug 09, 2019 4:51 pm

I don't have any shame


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Tdarcos
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Re: "Pretty please with sugar on it, close the fucking door."

Post by Tdarcos » Sun Aug 11, 2019 5:16 am

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:
Fri Aug 09, 2019 6:28 am
Well, Aardvark, they say every long march starts out with simply putting - ah, never mind.
I thought that was hilarious. As to whether or not I should laugh at jokes that make fun of my amputation, I'm not sure if that's appropriate, so for now, again i'm stumped.
"Shirt them a-tear up, trousers is gone/don't want to end up like Bonnie and Clyde."
-Desmond Dekker, The Israelites

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Tdarcos
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Re: "Pretty please with sugar on it, close the fucking door."

Post by Tdarcos » Sun Aug 11, 2019 5:24 am

In my case, a journey of 1,000 miles begins with a call to a wheelchair-equipped transportation provider, a hoya lift, and a wheelchair, because that's how I roll.
"Shirt them a-tear up, trousers is gone/don't want to end up like Bonnie and Clyde."
-Desmond Dekker, The Israelites

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