Hey Paul, about your Youtube channel...

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Billy Mays
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Hey Paul, about your Youtube channel...

Post by Billy Mays » Tue Jan 03, 2017 1:26 pm

I thought it would be interesting if we had a place to request topics for future videos for Paul to do on his Youtube channel:

https://www.youtube.com/user/Rfc1394


This would give him an avenue to expend his creative energies during the quasi-sequestering that are becoming more and more of a theme on this board (I'm not complaining or arguing. It is what it is).

These videos can be discussed in this base, people who are interested can check them out and participate in themed discussions about them, and those with shorter amounts of patience can avoid them entirely...Everybody Wins!!!

Here are the rules for submitting a topic:

1. Don't be a dick.



My topic request for one of Paul's Youtube channel videos is:


"Jellybeans"


I am just curious to see where he takes such a vague and nonsensical topic and to see how he ties it together into something meaningful.

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Post by pinback » Tue Jan 03, 2017 1:32 pm

A one-take video of him eating an entire pizza.
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Re: Hey Paul, about your Youtube channel...

Post by Tdarcos » Tue Jan 03, 2017 7:17 pm

Billy Mays wrote:I thought it would be interesting if we had a place to request topics for future videos for Paul to do on his Youtube channel:

https://www.youtube.com/user/Rfc1394
I'll give you credit for this because I didn't even know it was there until today when I looked to see if something like that was available. I went on using private browsing in Firefox ("Porn Mode") so that it would look like I was not a logged-in user and thus I would not see any privileged channel-owner controls. The top menu reads

... Home ... Videos ... Playlists ... Channels ... Discussion ... About

If you click on "Discussion" you come to Channel comments. There was one there from two years ago from someone who said they liked my videos. You'd probably have to PM me here or e-mail me at paul@paul-robinson.us for me to notice if you put something there.
Billy Mays wrote:This would give him an avenue to expend his creative energies during the quasi-sequestering that are becoming more and more of a theme on this board (I'm not complaining or arguing. It is what it is).
I did a video on "rice spaghetti" which is in the can and has not yet been edited.
These videos can be discussed in this base, people who are interested can check them out and participate in themed discussions about them, and those with shorter amounts of patience can avoid them entirely...Everybody Wins!!!
The videos themselves have comments enabled but I never bother checking because I rarely if ever get any.

Plus I have no understanding of taste: My videos get about 50-70 views each. Not 60 thousand, just 60. My biggest video is one on me seasoning and cleaning my grill for the first use, which got a whopping 2,000+ views, of which - while I am not complaining - I don't know why.
Here are the rules for submitting a topic:

1. Don't be a dick.
You have just now excluded every member of Jolt Country from replying, we've all been one at one time or another.
My topic request for one of Paul's Youtube channel videos is:

"Jellybeans"
I have asked for requests before and didn't get responses. To quote the late Alan Rickman as Hans Gruber in Die Hard, "Thank you.. I'll take it under advisement..."
"Come my restoration… Wash my body clean."
⁠— Martin Page, In the House of Stone and Light

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Post by Tdarcos » Tue Jan 03, 2017 7:20 pm

pinback wrote:A one-take video of him eating an entire pizza.
I wish you'd said something a week ago, I had a pizza from Jerry's Subs and Pizza, one of, if not, the best pizza ever.

Unless you mean (a) buy a pizza frozen or (b) make one from scratch.
"Come my restoration… Wash my body clean."
⁠— Martin Page, In the House of Stone and Light

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Post by pinback » Tue Jan 03, 2017 7:53 pm

Tdarcos wrote:
pinback wrote:A one-take video of him eating an entire pizza.
I wish you'd said something a week ago, I had a pizza
I can't imagine this limits the possibility of it happening again in the slightest.
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Re: Hey Paul, about your Youtube channel...

Post by Billy Mays » Wed Jan 04, 2017 8:08 am

Tdarcos wrote:If you click on "Discussion" you come to Channel comments. There was one there from two years ago from someone who said they liked my videos. You'd probably have to PM me here or e-mail me at paul@paul-robinson.us for me to notice if you put something there.
That's why I was hoping we could create separate threads in the Troll Room on this board to discuss your requested videos.

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Post by Tdarcos » Wed Jan 04, 2017 6:34 pm

pinback wrote:
Tdarcos wrote:
pinback wrote:A one-take video of him eating an entire pizza.
I wish you'd said something a week ago, I had a pizza
I can't imagine this limits the possibility of it happening again in the slightest.
Done. It's being downloaded from the memory card to my network server, and I will try to just cut the opening but do the eating part unedited, which should allow me to ulpoad the finished product to YouTube shortly.. Check back about two hours from now, hopefully it will be done by then, it will be announced here and on Caltrops.

Currently the file window says the operation will take 8 minutes to read the memory card and upload the raw video to my NAS, then I'll get started.

Stand by for more details.
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Post by Tdarcos » Wed Jan 04, 2017 7:24 pm

The video has been edited, this marks about the fastest I have ever done one, which is about one hour from when it was finished until it is being rendered.

Currently, Windows Live Movie Maker on the other machine says the render is about 7% complete but offers no time estimate so probably another 20 minutes since it did the last 7% in about 2-3 minutes.

I will come back with an update when I start the upload to YouTube.
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Post by Tdarcos » Wed Jan 04, 2017 8:13 pm

Uploading, when available: https://youtu.be/atYv3mJQ1s0
"Come my restoration… Wash my body clean."
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Post by Billy Mays » Wed Jan 04, 2017 11:45 pm

I take back my "jellybeans" request.

I would like Paul to go see a doctor to get on a safe exercise routine, diet, physical therapy, and possibly surgery.

It is my understanding that Paul's disability is a result of his weight? If this is the case, I challenge Paul to make a video of him walking down his hallway.

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Post by Tdarcos » Thu Jan 05, 2017 1:51 am

Billy Mays wrote:It is my understanding that Paul's disability is a result of his weight? If this is the case, I challenge Paul to make a video of him walking down his hallway.
Are you fucking kidding me? Looks like we need to have a re-evaluation of who has Alzheimers, Asperger's, autism or any of the other diseases beginning with the letter "A" that the Cretinous Reprobates at Caltrops accuse me of having.

You don't end up in a wheelchair because you're fat, you end up in one because you can't walk, and you don't get that merely from being overweight. I was heavier than I am now and walked, but that was 12 years ago!

And you're about to recommend I walk down a hallway? Did you even bother to look at my channel? Did you happen to notice I have a video from 2007 in which I transfer myself from my manual wheelchair to my recliner? Do you think I would go through the kind of extreme effort i did in that video if I had any ability to stand or walk?

To quote user Undoomed from YouTube: "Hey, moron! FUCKING MORON!" I have been unable to walk since 2004. Do you think I'd be in a power wheelchair if I wasn't completely incapacitated?

Do us all a favor and go to the boards on Caltrops.com ( http://www.caltrops.com/pointy.php ) and look around there for a while until you can use your head for something other than a hatrack.

If I sound pissed it's because I'm routinely in scream-level agony just sitting in my chair, because my legs and / or knees get locked up, and that's just from sitting, getting out of the chair to lie down becomes an exercise in figuring a way not to have EVEN MORE agony just trying to relieve the pain.
"Come my restoration… Wash my body clean."
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Post by Billy Mays » Thu Jan 05, 2017 3:07 am

Tdarcos wrote:Are you fucking kidding me?
Sorry, I remembered you saying something awhile back about how you could walk 15 or 20 years ago when you didn't weigh as much. Considering the epic obesity problem in the US, and how many people are completely bid ridden due to obesity, I had come to the conclusion that it was a cause and effect issue, like humongous people on scooters at "all you can eat" buffets and Walmarts.

The important thing that I was trying to get across is that you used up all of your "cheat days" as far as dietary and exercise concerns go probably decades ago, and I did not want this thread to turn into a "let's all encourage Paul to eat himself to death" thread. I attempted to do something positive, whatever, have fun.

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Post by pinback » Thu Jan 05, 2017 5:35 am

I think it's great you two have this base to "be yourselves" in. This was a great idea!
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Post by pinback » Thu Jan 05, 2017 5:50 am

Tdarcos wrote:Uploading, when available: https://youtu.be/atYv3mJQ1s0
Hooly FUCKIN' SHIT!
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Post by Billy Mays » Thu Jan 05, 2017 6:09 am

pinback wrote:
Tdarcos wrote:Uploading, when available: https://youtu.be/atYv3mJQ1s0
Hooly FUCKIN' SHIT!

I know, I was also shocked when the video ended and there was still half a pizza left in the box!

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Post by pinback » Thu Jan 05, 2017 6:16 am

Spoilers! Fuck!
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Post by Flack » Thu Jan 05, 2017 7:24 am

It is no surprise that Paul is infatuated with chess. After watching this video, I am convinced that this man has been toying with us all along. He's not just moves ahead of the rest of us; he's games into the future. He obviously possesses an intellect greater than the rest of ours, combined. Paul operates on a plane that the rest of the world can only visit through dreams and/or the use of hashish. While most of us are lucky to catch glimpses of that realm, Paul lives there -- and there, he is a king.

While most of us will never truly understand Paul's mind, this video is a message from his world to ours. The king has made a decree, attached it to thy perfect pigeon, and released it.

Perhaps the portion of the video that gives us the most insight into Paul's genius comes when, from roughly 3:15-5:15, Paul makes the directorial choice to turn away from the camera and mumble for two minutes while facing a closed door. It is as if we the viewer are stuck on the other side of that door, begging to be let in. I know Pinback loves Glengarry Glen Ross, but even he would have to admit that Alec Baldwin's "Always Been Closing" speech would have been more powerful had he delivered it while sitting in a chair, facing away from the camera. When Paul turns his back on us, his message is both powerful and clear: "I'm here for me, and you are all just visitors in my world." Society's thoughts, perceptions, and criticisms of Paul bounce off of his back and are reflected back onto us -- literally, by the reflector he has attached to the back of his motorized wheelchair.

At times, Paul is playful with his words. He talks in circles that seem like gibberish until you dissect them.

"Part of me says I'm full. Part of me says I'm still hungry. Part of me says I'm still hungry, and part of me says I'm full." -Paul Robinson

In our souls, we are all full. And we are all still hungry.

With camera shots reminiscent of the Blair Witch, Paul tells us the price of his lamp ($12), where he bought his water bottle, comments multiple times on how long it took for the pizza to arrive, wonders whether or not he had lunch, and uses a quote from Godfather III to describe his malfunctioning tripod -- all while attempting to eat an entire sausage, mushroom, onion, and pineapple pizza with extra cheese. His mind is nowhere and everywhere at once. He mentions that the pizza is not hot after letting it cool down for almost 20 minutes. It is a comment on society, where we can have anything we want and remain unhappy. In a world where people can stream millions of movies, we still have to deal with buffering. Paul sees chess in three dimensions, and the world in four.

"I have overeaten once in my entire life." -Paul

When 18 minutes into the video I realized Paul still hadn't taken his first bite of pizza, I realized that out of all of Paul's videos, this is the Paulest. From multiple camera angles to an in depth conversation about where the clock could have been placed and an anecdote about how he once ate too much Italian food while on a date before seeing The Prince of Egypt in theaters, this video sums up everything Paul is in a single, shaky-yet-artistic stroke.

I rate this video an A-motherfucking-plus. If I had the power I would make it required viewing for every psychology, sociology, and health/science classroom. Anytime I feel happy about my life, I will watch this video. Anytime I feel sad about my life, I will watch this video. I have downloaded this video and placed it in my Windows start up folder so it plays every time I reboot my computer. Without sounding over dramatic, it is my church. It is my religion.

"I don't know how this happened, but I must have hit the off button while I was turning the camera around." -Paul

The irony of it all is that Paul is a gift to the world from a God he does not believe in -- one that, it is possible, is both inferior and jealous of his multi-camera sermon. In Paul's world there are no coincidences, and his mention of The Prince of Egypt is intentional. Paul is Moses, leading us out of the desert and, no doubt, toward a dessert in the world's strongest wheelchair.

The Illuminati was right. It was only when I realized that "The Prince of Egypt" was an anagram of "thy perfect pigeon" that I began to suspect divine intervention.

Preach on, Brother Paul. Your congregation awaits.
"Jack Flack always escapes." -Davey Osborne

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Post by pinback » Thu Jan 05, 2017 8:26 am

Paul is 2017's MVP, only for causing the above post.
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Post by Flack » Thu Jan 05, 2017 9:12 am

Paul, as a new convert to the Church of Paul, I have sent you a four pound jar of Jelly Belly jellybeans for your next video project.

Jelly Bellys come in 49* flavors, so I hope you combine them to make interesting recipes, and try to guess what each flavor is. You can also sort them and offer some statistical analysis if you wish. I have come to realize that you are the master of this medium and that the rest of us are merely playing checkers on your chessboard, so those are only suggestions.

Amazon Prime says the jar will be there in two days.
"Jack Flack always escapes." -Davey Osborne

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Post by pinback » Thu Jan 05, 2017 9:15 am

I can't wait to... FEEL THE THUD!!
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