My impression of every user review on allrecipes.com

[pinback]

"FIVE STARS! SO GOOD! I made a few changes, though: I replaced the beef with squirrel, the onions with Pop Rocks and the broth with turpentine extract, and instead of slow-roasting I fired a nano-laser at it for three seconds, and instead of serving over rice I had some leftover freeze-dried free-range otter blood instead. Also I used 1/8 tsp more salt. But SO GOOD! GREAT RECIPE!!!"

This is a good impression of every user review on allrecipes.com.

[Flack]

In general, when you look up recipes on there do you follow them to the letter or do you use them as a guide? I don't know enough about cooking to freehand things; I'd be afraid of messing up the whole dish by making a rookie mistake. The only cooking suggestion I thumb my nose at is when the instructions tell you to microwave something for 3 minutes, stir, and then microwave for another 1 1/2 minutes. I just set it for 4:45 and take my chances. It seems pretty lazy to cut out 1 of 3 steps in retrospect.

Back when I had my Palm Pilot, I had this virtual bartender app. One of the first recipes I looked up had a very specific list of ingredients and then in the notes it said "* exchange for any other kind of alcohol." Any other kind? Really? Shouldn't the recipe then just read, "take some shit from your cabinet, add alcohol, and chug it, you lush."

Anyway. I wish I knew more about cooking.

[glaxy]

Not trying to be a dick, but a) that Jamaican curry looked awesome, and I have some Madras curry powder that I'm wondering if it would go in there, but even if not, I want the Jamaican style, and b) I have had a jar of pho slurry in my cabinet for over a year and a half and I'm afraid to make it because recipes on the internet suck and are bullshit. :wink:

[pinback]

Not trying to be a dick

What in your response did you think warranted that kind of disclaimer? There was nothing dickish in it!

had a jar of pho slurry in my cabinet for over a year and a half and I'm afraid to make it because recipes on the internet suck and are bullshit. :wink:

The first step is to throw the jar out. I tried it once, and it was vile, and doing it without using the jar is no harder, it just takes longer.

[pinback]

In general, when you look up recipes on there do you follow them to the letter or do you use them as a guide?

If it's something new or unfamiliar, I tend to follow the recipe pretty closely the first time. Once I see how that turns out I know where I can modify/add/remove things to make it my style.

The main exceptions to that are 1) if it calls for obscure/expensive ingredients ("1/2 tsp white pepper", please) I'll omit or replace it with cheap stuff that I have on hand, and 2) always use more garlic than the recipe says.

I'd be afraid of messing up the whole dish by making a rookie mistake.

The only rookie mistake you can make is to put too much of something in that you can't take out. That's why cooks use unsalted butter, so they can fully control the salt content. And if you put too much salt in, you can't take it out, and it's ruined.

If you put too much water in, you can always boil it out. If you didn't put enough chili powder in, you can always add more. Fixing it as you go is part of the fun.

That leads to the most important cooking tip there is, which is, taste as you go. Then you know well before it's done, oh, I need more salt, oh, I need more whatever, oh, I need to thicken this, etc.

In retrospect, the dumbest thing I've ever seen was my mother's "trick" for telling when the pasta was cooked. She was so proud that she'd found this ingenious method for getting correctly cooked pasta every time. You may have heard it. The trick is: Take a strand of pasta and throw it against the wall. If it sticks, it's done, is the "trick".

The reason it's stupid is that, hey, you know an even BETTER way to tell when it's done? Take that same strand you were going to throw on the wall, and bite into it. If it's not done, guess what, it's not done! Magic!

The answer to "how long do you cook it for?" is always: "Until it's done."

Easy.