Quaker Steak & Lube Triple Atomic Wings Challenge

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This was not our plan.

Kathy and I went back to Denver for our first anniversary, to see old friends and family and visit our favorite places from when we lived there.

Day one was visiting my cousin Michelle who is, lordy, just DAYS away from having a baby! They took us to lunch at BJ's, which was enjoyable enough.

On the way out, I noticed that they also had a Quaker Steak & Lube. I was not aware it was a chain, as I had only seen the original location on TV, but apparently now there's a million of them.

The reason the original location was on TV was for the Travel Channel's show "Man vs. Food", where Adam Richman goes around the country taking on eating challenges. I remember the name of the Quaker Steak one: The "Atomic Wings Challenge". A plate of super-hot wings, which if you can take 'em down, you win something or other.

Oh, I wish I'd seen that before we went to BJ's! Ah well, now that it's a chain they probably don't do that.

I tell everyone about it after we get home, and my cousin Michelle who isn't about to let me get off easy, calls the restaurant and asks if they do the challenge. They say, yes! Five of the Atomics, and you get a t-shirt.

Everyone looked at me. I looked at them. They looked back at me. I looked back at them. Then after five more minutes of that, I say: Let's do this shit.

So we get back in the car and head to the restaurant, where we find out it's no longer the Atomic Wings Challenge, it's now the TRIPLE Atomic Wings Challenge, featuring a sauce over three times hotter than the original, according to the Scoville scale.

The moments in between when I ordered and when my wings came out, Kathy said was the most nervous she'd ever seen me.

Probably true. And not because I didn't know what I was in for, but because I did.

The wings arrived. SIX?? The lady on the phone said five!! What the hell?!!

I signed the release form they make you sign to relieve them of responsibility in case you pass out, have a heart attack, or kill yourself with a mallet, and, well... this happened:

[youtube][/youtube]

You'll notice, at the end, I go back for more. This would be a great advertisement for the place if it wasn't being done by a disgusting fat guy with hot sauce all over his face.

I am not sure the sauce was really the "500,000 Scoville units!" that all of the placards and menus claim. It was very, very hot, don't get me wrong, and I earned every bit of my free t-shirt the following day, if you know what I mean. I must congratulate QS&L, though, for making a wing that hot that was also very delicious. It had a little sweetness thing going on which made them quite irresistable if they weren't so horribly painful to eat after the first few bites.

Anyway, I came, I saw, I ate chicken wings.

Good day to you.

[AArdvark]

You ate those? Dude, YOU ATE THOSE!!

Goddam, I smelled one of those once and wouldn't get any closer. I bet your mouth felt like you gargled drain-o after you got done.


Cherish the t-shirt, you earned it.


THE
LAVA TONGUE
AARDVARK

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You ate those?

I just told you I did. There's a goddamn VIDE--

Dude, YOU ATE THOSE!!

Ahh. Right. Sorry.

Goddam, I smelled one of those once and wouldn't get any closer. I bet your mouth felt like you gargled drain-o after you got done.

I'll never get all the "drano"/"lit gasoline"/"mountain full of fire ants" analogies. Granted, I've been in the capsaicin game a long time, and there's definitely pain involved, but to me it's far more pleasant a sensation than "gargling drano" or any of these other fanciful descriptions.

It hurts, sometimes a lot, but it enhances the flavor, and you get that runner's high (the only way in the world I'll ever get that), and sometimes you win a t-shirt.

The day after, I grant you, leaves quite a bit to be desired, but other than that, sir, I am a friend to all chiles.

SIR.