It Is Time To Construct The Ultimate Cheeseburger

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Ice Cream Jonsey
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Post by Ice Cream Jonsey » Sun Feb 24, 2013 1:38 pm

Tdarcos wrote:There was a scandal when horse meat and kangaroo meat was being imported into the U.S. back in 2005 and 2006 and it caused some illness, and it was suspected of causing a number of illnesses at Jack in the Box Restaurants. After that, Congress defunded inspection of horsemeat making it impossible to ship it legally within the United States.
To this day, nobody is able to go into a Jack in the Box and eat there without projectile vomiting.
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Post by pinback » Sun Feb 24, 2013 2:47 pm

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:
Tdarcos wrote:There was a scandal when horse meat and kangaroo meat was being imported into the U.S. back in 2005 and 2006 and it caused some illness, and it was suspected of causing a number of illnesses at Jack in the Box Restaurants. After that, Congress defunded inspection of horsemeat making it impossible to ship it legally within the United States.
To this day, nobody is able to go into a Jack in the Box and eat there without projectile vomiting.
Just to make sure, I tried it again a couple months ago. Still haven't gotten the stains off the inside of my car.
Above all else... We shall go on... And continue!

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Post by Tdarcos » Sun Feb 24, 2013 3:47 pm

pinback wrote:
Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:
Tdarcos wrote:There was a scandal when horse meat and kangaroo meat was being imported into the U.S. back in 2005 and 2006 and it caused some illness, and it was suspected of causing a number of illnesses at Jack in the Box Restaurants. After that, Congress defunded inspection of horsemeat making it impossible to ship it legally within the United States.
To this day, nobody is able to go into a Jack in the Box and eat there without projectile vomiting.
Just to make sure, I tried it again a couple months ago. Still haven't gotten the stains off the inside of my car.
Liar! Those stains were not caused by projectile - or any other kind of - vomit.
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Post by pinback » Wed May 08, 2013 12:54 pm

Anyway, fuck you, the correct answer is, from bottom to top:

Lightly toasted bottom hamburger bun.
Mustard
Ketchup
Mayonnaise
Pickle slices
Slice of white onion
Shredded lettuce
Slice of tomato
Two 1/4 pound patties, each topped with a slice of American cheese
Lightly toasted top hamburger bun.

THREAD CLOSED.
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Post by lethargic » Wed May 08, 2013 8:07 pm

Bun.
Cheese.
Burger.

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Post by Ice Cream Jonsey » Thu May 09, 2013 8:24 pm

Mine is still like lethargic's but with onion.
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Post by pinback » Sat Jun 22, 2013 12:38 pm

The local specialty is the "green chile cheeseburger". I've recently learned another term in the local cuisine, which is a "competition-style" green chile cheeseburger.

This is:

Bun.
Cheese.
Burger.
Green chile.

A "lethargic w/green chile", if you will.

I'm willing to let that stand as the ultimate. A local pub just changed their menu and added a "competition-style GCCB" to the menu, and it's the best thing in town by a long shot.

I'm willing to let this stand.
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Post by pinback » Thu Sep 05, 2013 9:39 pm

Changed my mind. The Pier Burger in Santa Monica has recently become my favorite thing ever, and attempts to reconstruct it have also resulted in the best things ever, so I guess the correct answer is this:

Squishy bun, toasted on the outside.
"Special sauce" (fry sauce, mayo/ketchup mixed together, or plain mayo will suffice).
Two patties covered in gooey American cheese.
One leaf of lettuce.
One slice of tomato.

I think this is my favorite now. I have moved away from the onion/pickle/mustard thing because they are sharp flavors which one might say complement the beef and the cheese, but in fact take ones attention AWAY from the gooey, beefy, cheesy monstrosity one is left with if one follows the above recipe perfectly.

Thank you.
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Post by RetroRomper » Fri Oct 25, 2013 6:53 am

At this point in my life, any burger without a smattering of Pain 95% with its delicious heat and savory pineapple undertones, isn't one I'd want to eat.

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Post by Flack » Fri Oct 25, 2013 4:39 pm

pinback wrote:Changed my mind. The Pier Burger in Santa Monica has recently become my favorite thing ever, and attempts to reconstruct it have also resulted in the best things ever, so I guess the correct answer is this:

Squishy bun, toasted on the outside.
"Special sauce" (fry sauce, mayo/ketchup mixed together, or plain mayo will suffice).
Two patties covered in gooey American cheese.
One leaf of lettuce.
One slice of tomato.

I think this is my favorite now. I have moved away from the onion/pickle/mustard thing because they are sharp flavors which one might say complement the beef and the cheese, but in fact take ones attention AWAY from the gooey, beefy, cheesy monstrosity one is left with if one follows the above recipe perfectly.

Thank you.
If the burger is cooked on a grill, that is known as "Oklahoma style."

This sounds like a pretty good "Oklahoma style" burger.
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Post by Jizaboz » Wed Oct 30, 2013 8:30 am

pinback wrote:The Pier Burger in Santa Monica
Saw the prices on the menu and just kept on walkin.

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Post by RetroRomper » Thu Nov 07, 2013 6:21 am

Wait... What?

The Pier Burger is $6.25 or so I believe and while I hate to live in a world where that may be reasonable, for a restaurant burger it isn't terrible.

Jizaboz: what is your ideal burger / price?

ICJ

Post by ICJ » Mon Dec 30, 2013 12:27 pm

I would like to maintain that mine was best. Hard roll, sirloin burger, American cheese.

I AM WILLING TO COMPROMISE.

Hard roll
Grilled sirloin for the meat.
American cheese

and then

Mustard, onion, lettuce, tiny, tiny bit of mayo.

Either of my ideas would be the "classic" cheeseburger. This post is almost so perfect I don't want to ruin it but I will.

In Cybeganked, the cheddar beefer will be:

80/20 patty for the first bun.
A slice of Cheddar cheese.
90/10 patty for the actual hamburger.
Ketchup and Mustard.
80/20 patty for the other side of the "bun."

The "beefer" is (C) TM Gerrit Hamilton.

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Post by pinback » Mon Dec 30, 2013 1:38 pm

ICJ wrote: Hard roll
Grilled sirloin for the meat.
American cheese

and then

Mustard, onion, lettuce, tiny, tiny bit of mayo.
I'm okay with this. Except what-- why do you keep saying "hard roll"? You want a dense block of bread for the bun? What about a nice toasted hamburger bun, fluffy and spongy in the middle to soak up the grease, but with enough heft in the crust to hold it all together?
Above all else... We shall go on... And continue!

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Post by pinback » Mon Dec 30, 2013 1:39 pm

Also, please: What kind of onion and how prepared? (raw/sauteed/sliced/chopped/etc.)
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Post by Ice Cream Jonsey » Mon Dec 30, 2013 1:42 pm

The hard roll is not hard!
the dark and gritty...Ice Cream Jonsey!

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Post by pinback » Mon Dec 30, 2013 2:33 pm

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:The hard roll is not hard!
Can we replace that with "lightly toasted roll" or something?

We're so close!!
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Post by pinback » Mon Dec 30, 2013 2:56 pm

Alright, I confirmed over IM that "lightly toasted roll" would be acceptable, and any form of onion.

So here it is!

The Official Jolt Country Ultimate Cheeseburger!!!!
-----------------------------------------------------------------

From top to bottom:

- Bottom half of lightly toasted roll/bun!
- Paper-thin smear of mayo!
- Yellow mustard!
- Thin slice of raw white onion!
- Iceberg lettuce!
- 80/20 patty, cooked to your liking! (I'll have mine med-rare, please!)
- One slice American cheese!
- Top half of lightly toasted roll/bun!

DONE! Enjoy one today, won't you??
Above all else... We shall go on... And continue!

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Re: It Is Time To Construct The Ultimate Cheeseburger

Post by pinback » Mon Dec 30, 2013 3:02 pm

Wait! I just noticed that Retro slipped in the two worst things he's ever posted here, very early in this thread. Dunno how it slipped past me, but they came right after each other, in just two lines!
Second worst thing Retro's ever posted wrote: - 90/10 or 95/5 beef (or preferably venison)
"Or preferably venison". Do you know why you bother people, Retro? Do you know why our collective fingers are always hovering over the "ban" button with you? It's because of those goddamn cookies we never got. BUT THIS STUFF DOESN'T HELP.
Worst thing Retro's ever posted wrote: 80/20 makes the burger too juicy / greasy)
...

It...

It makes the burger too juicy.

Some things, there's just no possible way to know how to respond. Maybe I'm dreaming this, and will soon wake up or die of sleep apnea, in either case so I don't have to figure out how to respond.

Come on apne-- I mean waking up! Waking up, is... is what I'm hoping for. Yes.
Above all else... We shall go on... And continue!

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Post by lethargic » Mon Dec 30, 2013 3:03 pm

Isn't that pretty much how every burger in the world is served? Why don't you guys really go crazy and throw a pickle and some ketchup on there?

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