Games which rule/suck.

[Ben]

What games did you used to think were totally amazingly cool when they first came out, but now in retrospect, when you saw them on either MAME or in a cool, retro arcade, they actually totally suck?

I was playing Space Invaders in Vegas a couple weeks ago, and while you have to give Space Invaders some benefit of the doubt, since it was groundbreaking, it actually kinda blows now. Compare this with Asteroids, which was only a few years newer, and which is still the greatest game ever.

Also, I played Reactor on MAME the other day. When it was first in the arcade, I thought Reactor was the shiz-nit. Now? Not so much.

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

I used to think that Discs of Tron was retarded. I thought it was a garbage game.

Now, through MAME, I see it as one of the best arcade games ever made in the 1980s.

Asteroids... right. What's your take on Asteroids Deluxe? I've never played it. I read in one of those "History of Video Game" books that it was poorly received by the public. You, of course, despise the public, and spend a great deal of your time chloroforming it and dissolving it in your twin barrels of lye, Donkey Kong style. So, what does Ben "Pinback" Parrish think?

[Ben]

Asteroids... right. What's your take on Asteroids Deluxe?

So glad you asked. My experience with Deluxe has been primarily limited to MAME, which features a sporting good version of it, and even provides the backdrop graphics, which is cool as hell.

From said experience, I have to classify Asteroids Deluxe as a flawed brilliance, and yet another of the greatest games of all time (which is understandable, since it varies fairly little from its older brother.)

First of all, let's take a look at the ways which AD is superior to the original:

1. The ship looks cooler.
2. The rocks spin (and thus, look cooler.)
3. Shields are much more satisfying than hyperspace, and add an additional element of strategy, rather than just being a "panic button" of last resort.

The biggest change, of course, is the addition of the "asteroid ship", or "Hexagon of Death" if you will. I believe this badboy was put into the game specifically to prevent nerds from getting down to the last rock and trolling around the corners of the screen for hours shooting innocent flying saucers and rolling the scoreboard over fifteen times while garnering 42 bonus ships lined up all the way across the top of the screen.

It succeeds in doing so, but at the same time brings to the game its greatest flaw, in that it makes the game inescapable "smaller". One of the big surprises when AD came out was that there was a fairly low limit on the number of asteroids you'd face on any one level. I think it's like 9 or 10 or something, where in the original it would just keep piling rock upon rock until the screen was instantly filled up.

You wonder why this doesn't ruin game, but it doesn't, because each level, the Hexagon comes out quicker and moves faster, to the point where before an abundance of asteroids could even come close to becoming a problem, your main goal in life is to avoid getting spiked by the Hexagon. The rocks themselves are an afterthought.

There may be much better players than I, but on MAME, before I could even get to 70,000, this avoidance became what I'd consider theoretically impossible. As soon as the Hexagon came on the screen, you had to gun the thrusters up to max and get the hell out of dodge, as it's the only way to outrun those bitches.

The pure joy of the original game, and the reason it continues to be the truest test of hand-eye coordination in gaming, and the reason it still works as an air traffic control training tool, is having countless asteroids flying around the screen, and having to pick out patterns, see the whole board, and determine what the board will look like in the next second, and the second after that. While playing I often intentionally blur my eyes to keep them from focusing on one spot, because the instant you do that, you are going to get into trouble. You HAVE to seen the entire screen in order to survive in that environment.

Asteroids Deluxe, for the first few levels, does this even better, as the rocks are faster and "meaner" (if one can believe that). But then gradually the focus shifts away from that, and it becomes a mutant version of SpaceWar, where the enemy ship just tries to ram you instead of shooting you.

That's its only downfall, in my opinion. Other than that (and even despite that) it's still a wonderful, wonderful game. I mean, how couldn't it be? How could a sequel to Asteroids be any less than fabulous?

What about Blasteroids?

Oh yeah, good point. Never mind.

[Ben]

Hey, can I get some love for that analysis or what?

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

Do you mind if I put that on the main site? I can't think of anything to write about for this week.

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

Annnnnnnnd: What control scheme do you use to play Asteroids and Asteroids Deluxe in MAME? I usually use a gamepad for everything, and while that's cool for Spy Hunter or whatever, I was curious as to how you had your keys setup for the Asteroids-family of games, seeing how they are all fire-button controlled.

...Shoot. I am presuming this is the case for AD. I don't know for certain, though. Ah, well, there's always www.klov.com to be sure.

[bruce]

Reactor was actually best as an Atari 2600 game, where the gameplay was everything. You know, now that we have Stella and good disassemblers and Thomas Jentzsch has just done a trackball version of Missile Command, I wonder if an Atari Trackball Reactor could be done. Wow, that would FUCKING RULE.

In the arcade, I quite liked Pot Of Gold. Guess what? It sucks.

I never thought much of Gravitar and even on Mame, it's still TOO FUCKING HARD. Donkey Kong remains brilliant. Satan's Hollow, on the other hand, seemed great in the Arcade, but now it seems like an OK Galaxian clone.

Bruce

[Ben]

Hold up, was that just the wildest coincidence of all time or are you all out there hitting refresh fifteen times a minute?

[Ben]

Do you mind if I put that on the main site? I can't think of anything to write about for this week.

Gee, stop, I'm blushing.

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

Hold up, was that just the wildest coincidence of all time or are you all out there hitting refresh fifteen times a minute?

15-16 times a minute, yeah.

[Ben]

Annnnnnnnd: What control scheme do you use to play Asteroids and Asteroids Deluxe in MAME?

I try to simulate the arcade setup (which is identical for both games):

Left: Z
Right: X
Thrust: ,
Fire: .
Hyperspace/sheild: Space

This is really the only acceptable way to play these games.

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

Oh, OK, sounds good. I will use that scheme then.

(17-18 times a minute now.)

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

and Thomas Jentzsch has just done a trackball version of Missile Command

!!!

I didn't know that. Wait, there's a trakball for the 2600?? I knew there was one for the 8-bits, but I had no idea the 2600 supported one.

[Ben]

Say, I just reinstalled MAME and redownloaded the Asteroids and Asteroids Deluxe ROMs.

Tell me something, is the sound all GAYED UP on your copies too? Asteroids (rev 2) has the most GAYED UP sounds of all time. The fire button, rather than carrying that satisfying, piercing whine with it, sounds like a Pop-Up Video, and the alien ships sound nothing like their coin-op counterparts.

And in BOTH games, the thrust sounds like you unhooked the cable on your TV and tuned it to channel 92, rather than the rich, deep rumble which we know from the arcade version.

WHAT IS UP???

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

Say, I just reinstalled MAME and redownloaded the Asteroids and Asteroids Deluxe ROMs.

I already had them installed. I just played a round of AD.

Tell me something, is the sound all GAYED UP on your copies too? Asteroids (rev 2) has the most GAYED UP sounds of all time. The fire button, rather than carrying that satisfying, piercing whine with it, sounds like a Pop-Up Video, and the alien ships sound nothing like their coin-op counterparts.

Ah! I was playing rev 1. I will go back and play rev 2 now.

And in BOTH games

Fuck.

The thrust sounds like you unhooked the cable on your TV and tuned it to channel 92, rather than the rich, deep rumble which we know from the arcade version.
WHAT IS UP???

OK, that I didn't notice. The sound seemed OK. I did notice this:

The default keys to the game have you pressing "Control" to fire. Did you know that my 4-port hub will go into diagnostic mode if you hit "Control" three times quickly? Yeah, it does. Dammatron, etc. So I didn't last very long. Gotta go change the keyboard setup.

Also, does anyone else do this -- when you go to start a new MAME game, you put like 3 or 4 quarters in the thing instead of just one? Being brought up as a kid where the quarter was semi-precious, I can't help but put a large number of them in the game everytime I start a MAME session.

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

Hi-score after 3 games: 6,370.

You got to 70,000? Oh, boy. Ohhhh boy. Something's wrong here. Something does not compute.

[Ben]

I already had them installed. I just played a round of AD.

Me too. 35,000.

Ah! I was playing rev 1. I will go back and play rev 2 now.

Well, hold up. Does rev 1 not have GAYED UP sounds? I hate this crap. I can't play Asteroids with these sounds. Email me rev 1, maybe it's different.

And in BOTH games

Fuck.

No, I mean in both A and AD.

OK, that I didn't notice. The sound seemed OK.

The sound seemed "okay"? What does the thrust sound like to you? Does it sound correct? Because on my end, is sounds like this: "CHCHHHCSHSHHSHH!!!!!!" Pure, blaring white noise. Horrific.

>> mode if you hit "Control" three times quickly?

Bahahah. If I hit Control twice, it switches to the other computer. Yes, you really do need to configure your keys properly.

Also, does anyone else do this

Doubtful.

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

Me too. 35,000.

Jesus.

Well, hold up. Does rev 1 not have GAYED UP sounds? I hate this crap. I can't play Asteroids with these sounds. Email me rev 1, maybe it's different.

No, it sounds fine. I should mention that I have an ISA AWE64. I'm going to guess that you either have a PCI sound card or are using your motherboard's on-board sound option. For this, the testicles in your sac ought to be ground into a fine powder and sprinkled over carrot cake. You deserve white noise for that insult to PC gaming.

On the off chance that you do have an ISA sound card, no harm no foul on your jewels, narmean.

The sound seemed "okay"? What does the thrust sound like to you? Does it sound correct? Because on my end, is sounds like this: "CHCHHHCSHSHHSHH!!!!!!" Pure, blaring white noise. Horrific.

No, it's not white noise. Thrust? I am 95% certain it's fine. One sec...


..Yeah, the thrust sounds like white noise. Bug, G.

Here are my ROMs:

http://www.joltcountry.com/downloads/astdelu1.zip
http://www.joltcountry.com/downloads/astdelux.zip
http://www.joltcountry.com/downloads/asteroid.zip
http://www.joltcountry.com/downloads/asteroi1.zip

[Ben]

Me too. 35,000.

Jesus.

Wait wait wait, is that the GOOD Jesus or the BAD Jesus?

No, it sounds fine

It sounds FINE? How can it sound FINE? I demand that you fire up Sound Recorder or some shit to prove to me that your Asteroids sounds "fine". Mine doesn't sound "fine", mine sounds like SUPER GAY MARIO "BROTHERS".

I should mention that I have an ISA AWE64.

I should mention I just filmed a bukkake scene with your mother.

[bEN]

aSTEROIDS dELUXE: 45000