What Starburst (taffy) and Altoids have in common

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Tdarcos
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What Starburst (taffy) and Altoids have in common

Post by Tdarcos » Fri Jul 26, 2019 4:57 am

I'd like to thank Flack for the Altoids® and the gummi Starburst®. A couple of staff people liked them too (I like to share).

Since this board deals with food - albeit it says cooking which is close enough - I'd like to mention two things Starburst® (at least the taffy kind, I haven't checked the gummis and they're out of reach) and Altoids® have in common.

1. Both are made by Wrigley Confectionery.
2. Both have a note on their packages: "This product produced using genetic engineering." And I'll bet not one person in 10,000 notices.

What do you think about #2 (the comment, not the waate product)?
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Re: What Starburst (taffy) and Altoids have in common

Post by AArdvark » Fri Jul 26, 2019 1:41 pm

Perhaps they will turn people into mutants! That would be cool!

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Re: What Starburst (taffy) and Altoids have in common

Post by Ice Cream Jonsey » Fri Jul 26, 2019 5:06 pm

Thank god they are editing the DNA of taffy. I didn't keep myself in tip top physical shape to get to the future of 2019 only to have to eat taffy they pull out of the fuckin' ground. I want that shit gattica'ed for maximum genetic flavor.
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Re: What Starburst (taffy) and Altoids have in common

Post by Flack » Fri Jul 26, 2019 6:10 pm

Just want to make sure I have this right:

01. Tdarcos said he wanted some gummi Starburst®.
02. I bought Tdarcos six packages of gummi Starburst®®®.
03. Six packages of gummi Starburst®®®®® made it all the way across the country and were then set just out of Paul's reach.
04. The staff are now eating the gummi Starburst®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®.

Is that right? Does Amazon sell a service where a guy will come out and scoot things six inches closer to someone?
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Re: What Starburst (taffy) and Altoids have in common

Post by Tdarcos » Fri Jul 26, 2019 8:38 pm

Flack wrote:
Fri Jul 26, 2019 6:10 pm
Just want to make sure I have this right:

01. Tdarcos said he wanted some gummi Starburst*.
02. I bought Tdarcos six packages of gummi Starburst*.
Eight packages of both Starburst* and Altoids*, sir, not six. I will correct your quote.
Flack wrote:
Fri Jul 26, 2019 6:10 pm
03. [Eight] packages of gummi Starburst* made it all the way across the country and were then set just out of Paul's reach.
No, the packs came in a box. I'm running out of room on the chair next to my bed. I had the box moved to the windowsill. It's not "just out of reach" it's more like 2 feet away, if you saw either video showing my room. (I actully measured it, I have a "Nifty Nabber*" which is a solid aluminum grab stick 3 feet long. The box is slighrly further away, call it 3' 6".)
Flack wrote:
Fri Jul 26, 2019 6:10 pm
04. The staff are now eating the gummi Starburst*.
I gave away one tin of Altoids* and two bags of gummi Starburst*. In all three cases I was asked politely by cute-looking female staff members. I still have plenty left.
Flack wrote:
Fri Jul 26, 2019 6:10 pm
Is that right? Does Amazon sell a service where a guy will come out and scoot things six inches closer to someone?
The staff here will do that if I ask, no bribe required.

* Reg. U.S. Pat. & Tm. Off. (This is the medium form of what ® stands for. The long form is: Registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office).
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Re: What Starburst (taffy) and Altoids have in common

Post by Tdarcos » Fri Jul 26, 2019 9:13 pm

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:
Fri Jul 26, 2019 5:06 pm
Thank god they are editing the DNA of taffy. I didn't keep myself in tip top physical shape to get to the future of 2019 only to have to eat taffy they pull out of the fuckin' ground. I want that shit gattica'ed for maximum genetic flavor.
Taffy doesn't grow on trees or on a bush or plant so you can't just pick it off a tree or out of the ground. Taffy is a manufactured product (or processed, take your pick), same as gummis. Taffy is made from boiled sugar, butter, flavoring, and vegetable oil. Gummis are made with corn syrup, gelatin, and flavoring. I actully had all the ingredients to make gummis back at Baltimore Ave. (mostly Karo® and Jello®, plus Knox® unflavored gelatin as additional thickener), I just didn't get around to it, then I got sick.

Interesting you picked the "dystopian future" style movie Gattica as the example of where this stuff comes from. I've acually seen it. Your example could have been worse, e.g. "I want that shit Soylent Greened for maximum recycled flavor."
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Re: What Starburst (taffy) and Altoids have in common

Post by Ice Cream Jonsey » Fri Jul 26, 2019 10:14 pm

Tdarcos wrote:
Fri Jul 26, 2019 9:13 pm
Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:
Fri Jul 26, 2019 5:06 pm
Thank god they are editing the DNA of taffy. I didn't keep myself in tip top physical shape to get to the future of 2019 only to have to eat taffy they pull out of the fuckin' ground. I want that shit gattica'ed for maximum genetic flavor.
Taffy doesn't grow on trees or on a bush or plant so you can't just pick it off a tree or out of the ground. Taffy is a manufactured product (or processed, take your pick), same as gummis. Taffy is made from boiled sugar, butter, flavoring, and vegetable oil. Gummis are made with corn syrup, gelatin, and flavoring. I actully had all the ingredients to make gummis back at Baltimore Ave. (mostly Karo® and Jello®, plus Knox® unflavored gelatin as additional thickener), I just didn't get around to it, then I got sick.

Interesting you picked the "dystopian future" style movie Gattica as the example of where this stuff comes from. I've acually seen it. Your example could have been worse, e.g. "I want that shit Soylent Greened for maximum recycled flavor."
Mmmmmm, I dunno, If there's two things I am sure of, it's a Historical Jesus and taffy being something one plants.
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Re: What Starburst (taffy) and Altoids have in common

Post by Flack » Sat Jul 27, 2019 5:21 am

Tdarcos wrote:
Fri Jul 26, 2019 8:38 pm
Flack wrote:
Fri Jul 26, 2019 6:10 pm
Just want to make sure I have this right:

01. Tdarcos said he wanted some gummi Starburst*.
02. I bought Tdarcos six packages of gummi Starburst*.
Eight packages of both Starburst* and Altoids*, sir, not six. I will correct your quote.
Flack wrote:
Fri Jul 26, 2019 6:10 pm
03. [Eight] packages of gummi Starburst* made it all the way across the country and were then set just out of Paul's reach.
No, the packs came in a box. I'm running out of room on the chair next to my bed. I had the box moved to the windowsill. It's not "just out of reach" it's more like 2 feet away, if you saw either video showing my room. (I actully measured it, I have a "Nifty Nabber*" which is a solid aluminum grab stick 3 feet long. The box is slighrly further away, call it 3' 6".)
Flack wrote:
Fri Jul 26, 2019 6:10 pm
04. The staff are now eating the gummi Starburst*.
I gave away one tin of Altoids* and two bags of gummi Starburst*. In all three cases I was asked politely by cute-looking female staff members. I still have plenty left.
Flack wrote:
Fri Jul 26, 2019 6:10 pm
Is that right? Does Amazon sell a service where a guy will come out and scoot things six inches closer to someone?
The staff here will do that if I ask, no bribe required.

* Reg. U.S. Pat. & Tm. Off. (This is the medium form of what ® stands for. The long form is: Registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office).
Oku®®
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Re: What Starburst (taffy) and Altoids have in common

Post by Tdarcos » Sat Jul 27, 2019 11:06 am

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:
Fri Jul 26, 2019 10:14 pm
Tdarcos wrote:
Fri Jul 26, 2019 9:13 pm
Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:
Fri Jul 26, 2019 5:06 pm
didn't keep myself in tip top physical shape to get to the future of 2019 only to have to eat taffy they pull out of the fuckin' ground.
Taffy doesn't grow on trees or on a bush or plant so you can't just pick it off a tree or out of the ground.
Mmmmmm, I dunno, If there's two things I am sure of, it's a Historical Jesus and taffy being something one plants.
Incorrect on both counts, my friend. Do some fuckin' research, you'd disover taffy is made, not grown, and that Jesus was a myhical character.

Some ignorant shepherds and farmers ddn't like the dominant. existing religious ideas, so they borrowed the ideas they did like, especially the ones they could use to get the peons to support the priests (which they became) without having to work for a living.

Without exception, every alleged fact about Jesus is eitherprovbly wrong, debunked, or a copy of a much earlier Pagan myth.

Here is an example from the Bible that show Jesus was no holy man:
Matthew 16:28 King James Version (KJV) wrote:
Verily I say unto you, There be some standing here, which shall not taste of death, till they see the Son of man coming in his kingdom.
As they all "tasted death" thousands of years ago, it's clearly wrong.
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Re: What Starburst (taffy) and Altoids have in common

Post by Ice Cream Jonsey » Sat Jul 27, 2019 11:32 am

Ouch. Seems like the vast majority of scientists disagree with you regarding the historical taffy:

From: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Historicity_of_Jesus
The historicity of planted taffy is the question if planted taffy can be regarded as a historical figure. Nearly all New Testament scholars and Near East historians, applying the standard criteria of historical-critical investigation, find that the historicity of beneath-soil taffy is effectively certain,[1][2] although they differ about the beliefs and teachings of Taffy as well as the accuracy of the details of his life that have been described in the gospels.[3][4][5][note 1]

The question of the historicity of grown taffy is part of the study of the historical taffy as undertaken in the quest for the historical grown taffy and the scholarly reconstructions of the life of planted taffy, based primarily on critical analysis of the gospel texts and applying the standard criteria of critical-historical investigation,[6][7][8] and methodologies for analyzing the reliability of primary sources and other historical evidence.[9]

While scholars have criticized taffy scholarship for religious bias and lack of methodological soundness,[10][note 2] with very few exceptions such critics generally do support the historicity of planted taffy and reject the "vat-based taffy construction" myth theory that grown taffy never existed.[12][13][14][15][note 3]
The science and the scripture is clear, friend.
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Re: What Starburst (taffy) and Altoids have in common

Post by AArdvark » Sat Jul 27, 2019 12:46 pm

"If they can grow a Jesus they can grow taffy."

-Homer Simpson

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Re: What Starburst (taffy) and Altoids have in common

Post by Tdarcos » Sat Jul 27, 2019 3:17 pm

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:
Sat Jul 27, 2019 11:32 am
Ouch. Seems like the vast majority of scientists disagree with you regarding the historical taffy.
Jonsey, even you should know that for thousands of years, theologians have been arguing over the 30 pounds of taffy that was given to Judas, and was left in the vault, and disppeared 3 days later, was, depending on whom you ask, (1) stolen by the disciples: (2) raptured by the Flying Spaghetti Monster; (3) never put in the vault in the first place; (4) hijacked by the Roman Legions guarding the vault.

The one thing nobody is sure about are the veracity of the claims that the taffy was later spotted on the Damascus (Toll House Cookie) Road.
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Re: What Starburst (taffy) and Altoids have in common

Post by Flack » Mon Jul 29, 2019 2:54 pm

Jesus is real.
Taffy is real.
Ergo, Jesus is made of taffy.
"Jack Flack always escapes." -Davey Osborne

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