Cincinnati Food Adventures

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Cincinnati Food Adventures

Post by pinback » Sun Jul 22, 2018 6:05 pm

Cincinnati is an interesting place, culinarily, in that where many towns have specialties that you can get other places, but they do it best where it's from (NY/Chicago pizza, Philly cheesesteaks, etc.), Cincinnati's most popular local dishes are found ONLY here, because nobody anywhere else wants them. Have you ever been to a "Cincinatti-style chili parlor"? Of course not, because they are all here.

CHILI
=======
I wrote most of this before remembering there might be some of you who don't know what CIncinnati Chili is. It's not chili. It's a sauce featuring the distinct texture and look of fresh dog diarrhea, which you put on things, mostly spaghetti and tiny hot dogs. The taste is indescribable, but significantly more delicious than fresh dog diarrhea. Trust me.

Now, having been here before and knowing the joy of it, we actually had Cincinnati chili pretty regularly down in Nashville, because you can buy it in cans at certain grocery stores. But it's better in the restaurants, and since this is Cincinnati, there are fifteen chili places on every block. 12 of the fifteen will be Skyline Chili joints, and the other three will be Gold Star Chili joints. There is a fierce rivalry between them, even though they sell the exact same things.

I thought I was a Skyline man, because those were the cans we always got. But driving up to check out the house, I got three "Cheese Coneys" from Gold Star. A "Coney" is a standard Cincy Chili menu item, which is a half-length hotdog, on a half-length steamed bun, topped with chili, and of course as with everything else, a ten-pound pile of shredded mild cheddar. Sitting there in the parking lot after going through the drive-thru, I was convinced these were the greatest things anyone could ever eat.

Of course, then we moved here, and got Coneys from a Skyline, and I'm convinced those are the best things, etc., etc.

Some website a few years ago ranked the 50 states on how good their most famous local dish was, and Ohio came in 52nd. They had to make up two more states just to put Cincinnati Chili as low as they possibly could on the list. I cannot even fathom how anyone could hold that opinion, because it's just fantastic, no matter where you get it. Well, except for the frozen Skyline burritos you can buy in grocery stores here. Those are only really, really good.

GOETTA
=========
Where many might have at least heard of Cincinnati Chili, most people have never heard of goetta, and nobody outside a 20-miles radius of where I'm sitting right now has ever eaten it. It is the Cincy version of haggis, essentially. Many places have their regional version of this thing, and goetta is the one we have here. It's generally sold in tubes, and you cut slices from the tube and fry it. It's made of Random Beef Parts, oats, and various herbs/spices. Other than Skyline (or maybe Gold Star?) chili, it's the best thing that there is. The Costco here sells 40-oz jars of New Mexican Hatch green chiles. The first week here, I made New Mexican-Cincy fusion cuisine by constructing a green chili/goetta breakfast burrito. It is unlikely anything will ever be better than that, and I'm not restricting this to just food.

"Glier's Goetta" is the ubiquitous brand that every store carries thirty-nine tons of. Today I found "Queen City Goetta", which is the only other brand I've ever seen. I got me a TUBE, and will be trying it out in the morning.

There is more, which I can't remember right now (next thread: Cincinnati breweries uurp!!) but these two are the big hitters, and they have given me nothing but joy since I've arrived.
Above all else... We shall go on... And continue!

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Re: Cincinnati Food Adventures

Post by pinback » Sun Jul 22, 2018 6:29 pm

Oh, I live in Cincinnati now. I guess that was an important part of the backstory not everyone may have known.
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Re: Cincinnati Food Adventures

Post by Ice Cream Jonsey » Sun Jul 22, 2018 6:36 pm

Whoa, what the fuck! I didn't realize youses all lived in a big city now! Holy shit!

Your daughter will one day tell people that she moved to Cincinnati when she was ... however old she is right now. (5? Not being sarcastic, I just want to know.)
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Re: Cincinnati Food Adventures

Post by Ice Cream Jonsey » Sun Jul 22, 2018 6:38 pm

Also, the Cincinnati Kid sketch by the Kids in the Hall is no longer on the Internet. God dammit.
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Re: Cincinnati Food Adventures

Post by pinback » Sun Jul 22, 2018 6:40 pm

She is "6". We put that in quotes because nobody knows her actual birthday, or how old she is.

Nobody will ever know that.

And we live in a suitable outskirt of the big city, let's be clear. Much as we moved from "Nashville", but actually from "Murfreesboro", we now live in "Cincinnati", but actually "Liberty Township". You get it.
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Re: Cincinnati Food Adventures

Post by pinback » Sun Jul 22, 2018 6:43 pm

Also, here is the green chile goetta breakfast burrito. It... it does not photograph well, so you'll have to trust me that you do, in fact, desperately need this in your face.

Image
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Re: Cincinnati Food Adventures

Post by Jizaboz » Mon Jul 23, 2018 9:17 am

Yeah I'd eat that.

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Re: Cincinnati Food Adventures

Post by Ice Cream Jonsey » Mon Jul 23, 2018 8:30 pm

I'd eat a photo of you eating that if I couldn't personally eat that.
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Re: Cincinnati Food Adventures

Post by pinback » Mon Jul 30, 2018 7:44 pm

Tonight's dinner, fresh from one of our 1294 local Skyline joints:

Image
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Re: Cincinnati Food Adventures

Post by pinback » Mon Jul 30, 2018 7:48 pm

You'll note, that while it is in an oval plate, served horizontally so that you are facing the wide side of the plate, the first thing one must do to properly eat Skyline is to turn the plate vertically along the table, so one may start at the close, narrow end, and eat away at it, toward the far end.

This picture was taken after that turn was complete, but before the other crucial preparatory steps were taken, namely the application of hot sauce (pictured upper left) and oyster crackers (pictured left, upper left, upper right.)
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Re: Cincinnati Food Adventures

Post by Jizaboz » Tue Jul 31, 2018 9:22 am

What is this? All I see is a pile of shredded cheddar cheese, man.

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Re: Cincinnati Food Adventures

Post by pinback » Tue Jul 31, 2018 10:08 am

There's MAGIC under that cheese, my man! MAGIC!
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Re: Cincinnati Food Adventures

Post by Ice Cream Jonsey » Tue Jul 31, 2018 8:03 pm

pinback wrote:
Sun Jul 22, 2018 6:05 pm
Some website a few years ago ranked the 50 states on how good their most famous local dish was, and Ohio came in 52nd.
I'm worried that they did New York wrong because of course they did.

9 and 10 is that thing you remember from NY being so good. Man! Delicious!
8. Buffalo: SWISS CHALET MOFO. I realize this may not be exclusive to Buffalo.
7. New York: cannoli or some shit like that
6. Rochester: Jolt cola
5. New York: pizza
4. Rochester: cheeseburger
3. Rochester: garbage plate
2. Buffalo: wings
1. Rochester: pizza

They probably believe the New York style slice of pizza is the most famous local dish. It shouldn't be.
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Re: Cincinnati Food Adventures

Post by Ice Cream Jonsey » Tue Jul 31, 2018 8:04 pm

I will now rank the signature dish of all the places Ben has lived, but first, the contestants?

I mean, a green chile burrito from that one place in New Mexico that is everywhere. Blake's? I can't remember. There was Christmas chile plate. There was -- this is turning into just a New Mexico list.

Boulder had the Indian food place we liked.
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Re: Cincinnati Food Adventures

Post by Casual Observer » Tue Jul 31, 2018 11:09 pm

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:
Tue Jul 31, 2018 8:03 pm
pinback wrote:
Sun Jul 22, 2018 6:05 pm
Some website a few years ago ranked the 50 states on how good their most famous local dish was, and Ohio came in 52nd.
I'm worried that they did New York wrong because of course they did.

9 and 10 is that thing you remember from NY being so good. Man! Delicious!
8. Buffalo: SWISS CHALET MOFO. I realize this may not be exclusive to Buffalo.
7. New York: cannoli or some shit like that
6. Rochester: Jolt cola
5. New York: pizza
4. Rochester: cheeseburger
3. Rochester: garbage plate
2. Buffalo: wings
1. Rochester: pizza

They probably believe the New York style slice of pizza is the most famous local dish. It shouldn't be.
Man, do I miss MacGregors and Nick Tahos and Country Sweet and Phillips European and Wegmans subs and cheap rent. I've got about 2 more jobs until i can comfortably work remotely then I'm getting the fuck out if Cali.

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Re: Cincinnati Food Adventures

Post by Tdarcos » Thu Oct 11, 2018 1:42 pm

People here in Maryland must have lots of unprotected sex, because they just rave about the crabs they have.
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Re: Cincinnati Food Adventures

Post by Casual Observer » Thu Oct 11, 2018 2:23 pm

Tdarcos wrote:
Thu Oct 11, 2018 1:42 pm
People here in Maryland must have lots of unprotected sex, because they just rave about the crabs they have.
Nice try at a pun but nobody confuses delicious Maryland blue crabs as a STD. MMmmm, Maryland blue crab cakes. Mmmm, softshell crabs.

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Re: Cincinnati Food Adventures

Post by Flack » Thu Oct 11, 2018 2:36 pm

This week I learned that if you order crab cakes (thinking they are food) and instead receive spongy dessert slathered in STD juice, there's a good chance you'll be able to get a refund if you used a credit card.
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Re: Cincinnati Food Adventures

Post by AArdvark » Thu Oct 11, 2018 3:02 pm

Flack kills me on a regular basis! Man I miss YDKF

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Re: Cincinnati Food Adventures

Post by AArdvark » Thu Oct 11, 2018 4:47 pm


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