Pinback tries 3 hot sauces on IRC

[Flack]

[14:32] <Pinback> Now, a special feature:
[14:32] <Pinback> PINBACK TRIES TWO NEW HOT SAUCES FOR THE FIRST TIME, ON THE CHANNEL
[14:32] <Flack> Yes!
[14:32] <Pinback> (plus one other one that he's tried before but thinks he had a bad bottle)
[14:33] <Pinback> Up first: HEARTBREAKING DAWN'S "PAPA BOI" CARRIBEAN SCOTCH BONNET HOT SAUCE
[14:35] <Pinback> Papa Boi's ingredients are: Papaya, distilled vinegar, Red Scotch Bonnet Peppers, salt, dry mustard, turmeric, onion powder, granulated garlic & chives
[14:36] <Flack> Now before you begin... we have questions!
[14:36] <Pinback> Certainly.
[14:36] <Flack> WHERE did this come from?
[14:37] <Flack> WHY have you not been eating hot sauce, and why have you changed your mind today?
[14:37] <Flack> And WHAT will you be eating them on?
[14:37] <Pinback> Heartbreaking Dawn's offered 50% off on 7/4 from their website, so I got the three-pack that includes these.
[14:37] <Pinback> I HAVE been eating hot sauce, just knocked off the really super-hot ones.
[14:37] <Pinback> Medium or less for me, thank you.
[14:37] <Pinback> I will be tasting these by pouring them into a teaspoon and then moving them from the teaspoon into my mouth.
[14:37] <Flack> So not ON anything?
[14:38] <Pinback> Correct, not for the tasting.
[14:38] <Flack> Like a chip or anything.
[14:38] <Pinback> Not for the tasting.
[14:38] <Flack> Ok. What else can I ask.
[14:38] <Flack> What are the three names?
[14:38] <Pinback> Papa Boi, Riff Lord, and "The Green".
[14:38] <Flack> Also, "Heartbreaking Dawn" -- great porno name.
[14:38] <Flack> Much better than "Tiny McGiggles"
[14:38] <Pinback> Heartbreaking Dawns is the full name, but yes.
[14:39] <Pinback> We ready to roll here?
[14:39] <Flack> two more
[14:39] <Flack> 1, what are these sauces rated?
[14:39] <Pinback> Rated?
[14:39] <Pinback> Meaning what?
[14:39] <Flack> Hotness? Like, mild, medium...
[14:39] <Pinback> I don't know.
[14:39] <Pinback> That is why we are tasting them.
[14:39] <Flack> I thought maybe the packaging said something.
[14:40] <Flack> So this could in theory be the hottest thing you've ever tasted?
[14:40] <Pinback> Wait, it does say something, in tiny tiny letters, hold on
[14:40] <Flack> "made in China"
[14:41] <Flack> My other question -- is there any significance in the order in which you are tasting them?
[14:41] <Pinback> Okay, Papa Boi and Riff Lord are rated two out of three chilis, or "bold". The Green is unrated, but I know is mild.
[14:41] <Pinback> There is not, other than The Green will come last becaue I've already had it (though I think it was an old bottle)
[14:41] <Pinback> Ready to roll, then?
[14:42] <Flack> LET'S DO THIS
[14:42] <Flack> SAUCE IT UP
[14:42] <Pinback> Alright.
[14:42] <Pinback> Papa Boi pretasting notes: Thicker than virtually all other HBD sauces. Sweetness on the nose from the papaya. Scotch bonnet is in there, but not overwhelming.
[14:42] <Pinback> Let's go.
[14:43] <Pinback> Pour very thick, took a while to get a teaspoon.
[14:43] <Flack> What color is it?
[14:43] <Pinback> Brownish orange.
[14:43] <Pinback> Tangy. The thick mouthfeel is not delightful. Not terribly hot, for a scotch bonnet sauce.
[14:43] <Pinback> I... i don't actually care for this one!
[14:44] <Pinback> A rare miss from our friends at HBD.
[14:44] <Pinback> Perhaps we'll try it again on some jerk chicken or curry.
[14:44] <Flack> Just to clarify
[14:44] <Flack> is a Scotch bonnet a hat?
[14:44] <Pinback> It is a close relative of the habanero.
[14:45] <Flack> Well that sounds tastier. How's the heat?
[14:45] <Flack> Any build up?
[14:45] <Pinback> I mean, it IS a hat, but the chile is named after it because of a vague resemblance.
[14:46] <Pinback> Not really. Sharp (but not, you know, challenging) heat after a few seconds, and then fades.
[14:46] <Pinback> You could handle it easily. And you're not even a spice enthusiast like me.
[14:46] <Pinback> Okay, RIFF LORD up next:
[14:46] <Flack> My anonymous Amazon reviews say otherwise but okay.
[14:46] <Pinback> RIFF LORD is a "Red Japapeno Hot Sauce". Ingredients are: Red Jalapeño peppers, sugar, apple cider vinegar, water, onions, mustard seed, celery seed & turmeric.
[14:47] <Flack> I demand Robb add "Riff Lords" as an emeny in Cyberganked.
[14:47] <Flack> This one sounds hotter already.
[14:48] <Pinback> Pre-tasting notes: Thinner, like most of their other sauces. Looks more like a true HBD. The aroma is slightly... something. There's something going on here. Smells like some familiar sweet thing that I can't remember what it is.
[14:48] <Flack> "Kindness to other people" ?
[14:48] <Pinback> Man, it's... right on the tip of my to-- no, but there is something familiar about it.
[14:48] <Pinback> Anyway, fuck it, here goes.
[14:49] <Flack> apple cider vinegar sounds unique.
[14:50] <Pinback> The thinner texture fills the mouth completely, and quickly. A definite balance of sweet and heat here. The whole thing tastes like that smell, which I can't pick out what it is, but now I have to know. Marvelous. Could go on anything. Instant classic. Feels hotter than Papa Boi but probably just due to how to spreads out and fills every MOUTH NOOK.
[14:50] <Pinback> Love it.
[14:50] <Pinback> Not excrutiating or anything. A solid, flavor-filled sauce I'd be proud to prevent my whole family from using.
[14:51] <Pinback> I'm gonna read a review to see if I can figure out what it is.
[14:51] <Flack> I googled "riff lord smells like" and you don't wanna know the answer.
[14:52] <Pinback> hehehehe
[14:52] <Flack> "...an 80s mullet."
[14:53] <Pinback>
[14:53] <Pinback> He nailed it. And the description mentions "bread and butter", but I thought they might like, a staple. But it's the actual smell of bread and butter pickles.
[14:54] <Flack> Until you have an animated can with your face on it, you are not a spice enthusiast.
[14:54] <Flack> Can we get 1-10 ratings for these please?
[14:55] <Pinback> Like, my liking scale, or heat scale?
[14:55] <Flack> Whichever. It's your show.
[14:56] <Pinback> Papa Boi: 3/10
[14:56] <Pinback> Riff Lord: 9/10
[14:56] <Flack> Is that liking or heat?
[14:56] <Pinback> liking.
[14:56] <Pinback> Heat, they both get 4s. Maybe Papa Boi at a 3.
[14:56] <Pinback> Now let's try this The Green again.
[14:57] <Flack> Ok.
[14:57] <Flack> Why is it green?
[14:57] <Pinback> I'm going to pretend I didn't have it the first time.
[14:57] <Pinback> Ingredients:
[14:57] <Pinback> Tomatillos, Distilled Vinegar, Onions, Fire Roasted Jalapeno Peppers, Serrano Peppers, Garlic, Water, Lime Juice, Cilantro, Green Habanero Peppers, Jolokia Peppers, Salt.
[14:58] <Flack> Do you make the same orgasmic faces that Bill Moore does in his video?
[14:58] <Pinback> Thinner even than riff lord. Big serrano/garlic thing on the nose. Smells a LOT like Danny Cash's Bottled Up Anger, one of Pinback's LEGENDARY Sauces.
[14:58] <Pinback> I do not.
[14:58] <Pinback> I do not do anything that Bill Moore does other than taste hot sauce out of a spoon.
[14:58] <Pinback> (and give Riff Lord 9/10 for flavor.)
[14:58] <Pinback> Let us try... THE GREEN.
[14:59] <Pinback> Hmm, yeah, no. It's just like I remember. Good flavor, but thin. Not just the consistency, which I like, but the flavor. No backbone behind it.
[15:00] <Pinback> I'll give it a 5/10, because I like the color and the ingredients and how it pours and the general flavor profile.
[15:00] <Pinback> But it coulda been a 10.
[15:00] <Pinback> Let's read some reviews to see if I'm making this up and it's actually great.
[15:00] <Pinback> Bill Moore gives it a 9/10.
[15:01] <Flack> green-loving jerk.
[15:02] <Pinback> NOW, I'm reading here the description: The GREEN is a bold and flavorful take on a classic verde condiment
[15:02] <Pinback> So, like, if it's supposed to be a SALSA or something, then that's a different story, but then it shouldn't be $8 a bottle or whatever the hell.
[15:03] <Pinback> Right, that's the end of the feature.
[15:03] <Flack> Do people ever mix these different sauces? Or I guess you could add one to salsa or something.
[15:03] <Flack> Is your mouth on fire?
[15:08] <Pinback> 1. No, although I have added extreme sauce to a mild salsa just to kick it up.
[15:08] <Pinback> 2. No, it is not. It's fine. None of those were anything more than a "medium" heat.
[15:09] <Flack> Anything else you have to say before we wrap and post this to JC?
[15:09] <Pinback> No. Except where is Robb, because I have a comment, question, comment, unrelated comment.
[15:09] <Flack> He heard there was a spicy food segment coming up and ran away.
[15:10] <Flack> /play Rush-Spirit_of_the_Radio.mp3
[15:10] <Flack> and, we're off.
[15:11] <Pinback> Off.
[15:11] <Pinback> Alright, good show everyone.
[15:11] <Jizaboz> *applause*

[Flack]

The hottest thing about this thread were the sauces.

[pinback]

And they were 4/10 on the heat scale at best.