Plot Holes wrote:Then convince them to mail it to you when they get home.
And again, how do you get them to mail you the title which they do not have
? The vast majority of cars are leased, not sold, and the person never gets title because they turn the lease vehicle in at the end of the lease. And to get the title means the lienholder has to release it, and the release of lien has to be recorded with the DMV. So now you have to visit some city in South Dakota (because a credit provision crossing state lines ignores any state limit on usury, and South Dakota eliminated caps on interest rates to encourage banks to move there), get the correct clerk to release the lien, then go back and sell the car to a dealer.
In fact, there is a provision for a title never being issued because the lienholder simply has the title information kept with the DMV until the lien is released, then at that time the title is issued. It's called "electronic title" and it means the information has to clear through the DMV computer (which is where the true title information is held) rather than on paper, and is never issued on paper until the lienholder is satisfied.
Plot Holes wrote:Better yet, take the first car that comes along, drive it to the nearest used car dealership, and use your mind control device to convince the salesman that it's a $50,000 Cadillac and the napkin you just handed him was the title.
Now, that's an interesting idea. But as I see it, if he's going to steal, it's either from large companies or from very wealthy people. He may be wierd, but he doesn't want to hurt little people who are scrounging to make a living. Make it a car dealership that cheated people, and that's a different story. Actually, that might work.
But then you get other problems. What's the serial number of the title? You'd have to actually have one to fake it. Why won't the DMV computer accept the transfer request so the dealer can issue temporary tags when they sell it? Now you've got more people to try to convince, and the first rule of a good scam is you want to manipulate as few people as possible lest someone figures out what's going on.
I am going to get rid of the entire scene, as I said, and either drop it entirely or make it a kind of dream sequence where he's thinking about what to do, and then realizes - for the reasons discussed above - the dye pack scenario won't work, but having the guy rob an armored truck might work, The guy reads the crook's mind and discovered he's committed other crimes including a couple of murders they didn't know he did, so the guards are told to remember the wrong getaway car which the crook loaded the money into before they shot him, but they missed the car.
If I do that, I may just drop the robbery idea altogether, the story doesn't require it, it's a filler in part and while it can give more insight into The Takeover Man's character, it can be left out with no loss to the story.
I wonder if this story would work as an IF game, put the robbery in as an option which you must not take
because no matter what you choose it ends up badly.