Hidden Resolution #2

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Ice Cream Jonsey
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Re: Hidden Resolution #2

Post by Ice Cream Jonsey »

Good man, Pinback. Any "jerk store" behavior you've ever shown towards me I assumed was because of drinking or that you just really liked picking on my Southern accent.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. It is important that you know that we love the accent. The fact that you were the first person on The Don Rogers show that we all tried to do an impression of was intended to be a blessing, not a curse.

(In time I would have hoped that we would have all developed impressions of the rest of us and the whole show was nothing but one of us talking like the others.)
the dark and gritty...Ice Cream Jonsey!

Casual Observer
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Re: Hidden Resolution #2

Post by Casual Observer »

Man oh man do I resemble your remarks Pinback. I've mentioned on this board some about my drinking but wasn't going to share the excruciating details. If I could print out your first post and put a check mark everywhere I've done similar, there would be a shitload of damn check marks.

Hiding alcohol, check. In the trunk of the car, in a stack of bins in my home office, in the utility closet outside the front door which has the water heater and central air, outside the window of my home office, etc etc etc. Before I quit smoking pot, it was that stuff which was being hidden but after quitting I really stepped up the drinking for a time so alcohol hiding happened quite a bit.

Day drinking, check. Though I rarely drank to the point of intoxication until I was done with my job. Working at home makes it difficult to never ever have a drink during the day but at least for the next six months I can't do it ever (see below).

Drinking to the point of blacking out, check. Its weird but during the height of drinking I stopped getting hangovers but let me tell ya there's lots of mornings that I've woken up not remembering what happened after a certain time the last night.

Drank on errands, check. Usually a couple of cans of Mikes Harder are just the right amount to get where I needed to be while not being obvious that I'd been drinking. Any more and I'm in the position of . . .

Lying to my wife, check. Now, I personally don't consider never ever lying to my wife to be a good option because she has a problem of overreacting sometimes with fury over things, even if they can't be helped (like a job loss, delay in getting commission or bonus, etc) so sometimes news has to be broken slowly. By not doing the things that she doesn't want me to (mostly don't smoke or drink without her) then I can eliminate the most hurtful lies so that will have to be enough. She lies about stuff too, sometimes couples have to manage the narrative so as to not upset the other person (well, at least not upset them right now).
pinback wrote: Sun Feb 02, 2020 6:59 pmweekly (non-AA) meetings
So, I got a DUI last June (no accident, just got pulled over as I exited the expressway). Oddly and luckily, it happened on a night where I was way less drunk than I've been sometimes driving home, I even vividly remember the whole thing which I can't say about a lot of nights. It was a wake up call about behavior that is completely unjustifiable, especially in a time where an app on my phone can bring a cheap ride anytime with a couple clicks. It's completely changed aspects of my life due to having an ignition interlock device on my car for the next 6 months and having a weekly DUI class requirement (upcoming 2 days community service will be fun i'm sure). The interlock has eliminated my ability to ever "day drink" as even one beer during the day would prevent me from driving that evening. In fact, I drank till 2 am one night and when I went to start the car at 6:30 to drive to work it still gave me a warning. Wake up call for me.

One of the things my lawyer worked out with the judge before trial was that to get off easily, I would need to go to 16 AA meetings and get signatures that I did. Wow, what an experience that was. There are literally hundreds of AA groups in this area and I had to go to about 5 different ones in order to get my requirement done in time. There is every kind of person imaginable at these things and the stories range from fairly benign to guys that had to leave their home because of drunken violence or ended up waking up in jail not knowing what had happened.

I found that the folks like me who were required to be there were largely silent, just trying to get through it but the folks who WANTED to be there are absolutely freaky fanatics of AA. It's very much like a cult, with much of the meetings taken up by people gushing about how wonderful it is that they have this program or else they would surely be dead on the side of the road or in jail. I thought the religion aspect would be the worst part but no, it's the fact that at the end of the meeting everyone stands in a circle and holds hands, does the "lords prayer" and then gestate their arms up and down as if kids playing the parachute game at school while chanting "keep coming back it works". I hate holding hands with anyone but my wife, especially men, and really especially some of the scummy people at some of these meetings. My wife made me start bringing hand sanitizer to use before getting in the car after she saw the crowd leaving the meeting and learning that I had to hold hands with them. I'll take six months of DUI classes over ever going to another AA meeting.

I will say that the only good thing I got out of the AA meetings is a better understanding of myself and why I've been drinking as much as I have. Lots of the stories people told were embarrassingly familiar which helped with self reflection. Pinback's post has very much the same effect so thanks for that Ben!

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Billy Mays
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Re: Hidden Resolution #2

Post by Billy Mays »

It's good to hear that you're addressing your problem and I wish you the best for you and your family.

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pinback
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Re: Hidden Resolution #2

Post by pinback »

A few more thank-yous:

Hugella: Thank you for letting me know you're out there, and that this story resonated with you. I feel like apologizing to YOU, since you have been on the other end of this as well. The best thing that came out of this thread was hearing from a long-time member who we haven't gotten to talk with much lately.

CO: Thank you for sharing your own story. "Back in the day", when I was as fired up about religion as Paul is to this day, I scoffed at AA for its obvious religion overtones. Now, however, I think it's a horrid idea for the reason I mentioned earlier in this thread -- it is attempting to battle something, and in battling that something, the something becomes stronger. AA encourages a constant focus, a "dealing with" of your "problem", and in doing so, solidifies the problem. I believe (at least in my case) the true way to freedom is for the problem to be left to dissolve entirely.

Everyone else: If I didn't mention you personally, just know I have read and appreciated all of your comments, and will take them with me to reinforce my resolve to keep to this resolution.

Maybe... maybe we can lock this thread for now, in case it... uhhh... gets changed into something else. By... someone.
I don't have to say anything. I'm a doctor, too.

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loafergirl
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Re: Hidden Resolution #2

Post by loafergirl »

Wow Pinners. As someone who spent the majority of my childhood years, and some of my adult ones living with substance abusers, and the deception that comes with it, I applaud you for making the choice to be honest. Addiction robs people of a lot, but trust is one of the most critical things, and the foundation of that is honesty. So making the choice of valuing your wife over your addiction, and voicing it, is pretty f*cking awesome. Do you have a support system to help you keep to it?
1, 2, 5!
3 sir...
3!

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pinback
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Re: Hidden Resolution #2

Post by pinback »

Well, my support system was gonna be DJ Larry, but last night he sent me a pic of a half-empty bottle of Jim Beam, so I guess he's out. I am confident in my current toolset, though. That should be all I need at this point.

Before I go patting myself on the back again, though, it's still quite frightening and shameful to note that this resolution and the "Clean in 2020" resolutions are intimately, inextricably entwined: If I start drinking again, I will definitely, definitely start lying about it again.

The good news is, if I keep to one, I will keep to the other. So I just need to pick one of them on any given day, and I'll be fine.
I don't have to say anything. I'm a doctor, too.

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AArdvark
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Re: Hidden Resolution #2

Post by AArdvark »

We could be your online neighborhood support group!

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AArdvark
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Re: Hidden Resolution #2

Post by AArdvark »

If I post in the drunk base Ill redact every enabling word!

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Flack
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Re: Hidden Resolution #2

Post by Flack »

One thing Pinner could do is every time he considers reaching for a beverage, imagine it's a Big Gulp full of piss from the Commander's old pad.
"I failed a savings throw and now I am back."

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Jizaboz
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Re: Hidden Resolution #2

Post by Jizaboz »

Flack wrote: Fri Feb 07, 2020 7:38 pm One thing Pinner could do is every time he considers reaching for a beverage, imagine it's a Big Gulp full of piss from the Commander's old pad.
MEDITATE on it, PINBACK.

Also, wow CO I'm sorry to hear all of that man. I had no idea. Then again.. that's the thing with this stuff. Thanks for sharing.

I never hid booze from anyone. Snuck a few swigs in when there would be a bottle sitting out but never hid or smuggled bottles with exception to twice standing in line at a haunted house at Halloween. (Everclear mixed in a fruit punch bottle) Puked the 2nd time I did that (but man was that a fun trip!) and never did that again. The first time I blacked out I was maybe 17? Drank too much vodka too fast before a New Years party I didn't even make it to because I nearly killed myself with alcohol poisoning. That was the first and only time.
(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻

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Tdarcos
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Re: Hidden Resolution #2

Post by Tdarcos »

pinback wrote: Fri Feb 07, 2020 6:51 pm the "Clean in 2020" resolutions are intimately, inextricably entwined: If I start drinking again, I will definitely, definitely start lying about it again.
Yes, but can we believe you? You've admitted you've lied before, how do we know you won't lie about your lying and then deceive us with your truths? The only way we can trust your word is when we know you are lying. Then we'll know you were telling the truth when you claimed you'd lie. But, with your reputation, your claims you'll be lying when you're drinking will be lies, and you'll just tell the truth anyway.

If you think that's a Catch-22, a no win scenario, well, my friend, that's no lie.
pinback wrote: Fri Feb 07, 2020 6:51 pmThe good news is, if I keep to one, I will keep to the other. So I just need to pick one of them on any given day, and I'll be fine.
Or you could be lying to us and really planning to pick both. Then when we're thinking you're weak because you only picked one, in reality, you had a deceptive level of strength by secretly picking both.
Evil cannot create anything new
They can only corrupt and ruin
What good forces have invented or made.
- J.R.R. Tolkien

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AArdvark
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Re: Hidden Resolution #2

Post by AArdvark »

One Pinback only speaks the truth and the other Pinback only lies.

You decide....

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pinback
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Re: Hidden Resolution #2

Post by pinback »

What door would the other Pinback say the prize was behind?!
I don't have to say anything. I'm a doctor, too.

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Flack
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Re: Hidden Resolution #2

Post by Flack »

The one that leads out of here?

PS: I hope this is your IFComp entry.
"I failed a savings throw and now I am back."

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