The Revised Christmas Story

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Tdarcos
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The Revised Christmas Story

Post by Tdarcos »

Posted 01/04/2013 on Caltrops

Luke 2
  1. And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from Barack Obama that all the country should be taxed.
  2. (And this taxing was first made when John Boener was Speaker of the House.)
  3. And all went to be taxed, every one into his own city.
  4. And Joe The Plumber also went up from Ohio, out of the city of Cincinatti, into Columbus, unto the Rust Belt, which is called Bethlehem Steel; (because he owned a house and land near that place)
  5. To be taxed with Mrs. Joe, his espoused wife, being great with child.
  6. And so it was, that, while they were there, the days were accomplished that she should be delivered a pizza from Dominos or Pizza Hut, depending on whose coupons are better this week.
  7. And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in an oil pan; because there was no room for them in the Motel 6.
  8. And there were in the same country parking attendants abiding in the lot, keeping watch over their cars by night.
  9. And, lo, the agent for a car dealership came upon them, and the glory of the Ford shone round about them: and they were sore afraid.
  10. And the agent said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.
  11. For unto you is built this day in the city of Detroit a new car, which is Mustang the Ford.
  12. And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the baby wrapped in loose clothing, lying in a an oil pan at a Jiffy Lube.
  13. And suddenly there was with the agent a multitude of the union membership praising the UAW, and saying,
  14. Glory to GM, Ford and Chrysler in the highest, and on earth high wages, and fuck non-union men.
Evil cannot create anything new
They can only corrupt and ruin
What good forces have invented or made.
- J.R.R. Tolkien

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Tdarcos
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Location: Arlington, Virginia
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Here's the Original

Post by Tdarcos »

Here's the Original, for comparison"

Luke 2
  1. And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from Caesar Augustus that all the world should be taxed.
  2. (And this taxing was first made when Cyrenius was governor of Syria.)]
  3. And all went to be taxed, every one into his own city.
  4. And Joseph also went up from Galilee, out of the city of Nazareth, into Judaea, unto the city of David, which is called Bethlehem; (because he was of the house and lineage of David:)
  5. To be taxed with Mary his espoused wife, being great with child.
  6. And so it was, that, while they were there, the days were accomplished that she should be delivered.
  7. And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; because there was no room for them in the inn.
  8. And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night.
  9. And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid.
  10. And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.
  11. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord.
  12. And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.
  13. And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying,
  14. Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.
Evil cannot create anything new
They can only corrupt and ruin
What good forces have invented or made.
- J.R.R. Tolkien

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AArdvark
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Re: The Revised Christmas Story

Post by AArdvark »

Well that brought a tear to my ear.

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