December 2019 CALTROPS offer to Paul

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AArdvark
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Re: December 2019 CALTROPS offer to Paul

Post by AArdvark »

I like your dinner story better than mine!

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Re: December 2019 CALTROPS offer to Paul

Post by Flack »

AArdvark wrote: Mon Apr 06, 2020 4:30 pm Quick show of hands, does anyone else think my stuff is interesting?
I read every one of your stories, from beginning to end.

I missed the Commander's jab the first time around because I don't read his posts from beginning to end.
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Re: December 2019 CALTROPS offer to Paul

Post by Billy Mays »

AArdvark wrote: Mon Apr 06, 2020 4:30 pmQuick show of hands, does anyone else think my stuff is interesting?
8.5/10

I don't understand why the Tdarcos character in the Olive Garden story is concerned with anything other than finishing off his date's meal or how his grotesque fingers are even able to manipulate the delicate buttons on his calculator watch?

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Re: December 2019 CALTROPS offer to Paul

Post by Billy Mays »

The dialogue works but it's in completely the wrong setting.

Take this for example:

The story opens up in a packed movie theater, it's dark, everyone is focused on the screen.

The faintest beep...beep...beep, a noise unrecognizable over the speakers if not for its artificialness. The women sitting to his left tries to ignore it at first, she's already disgusted by how the evening went but people around him are also starting to get really irritated.

Then the dialogue from your story, recalling the meal they had together before going to the movie, modified slightly to fit the new environment, that hushed tone when you're trying to be discreet but everyone hears you anyways, more so if anything. His date in disbelief pivots to how he stole the food right off her plate, and then the Tdarcos character takes one long sip off an almost empty soda, shakes the ice around, and then finishes it off making that obnoxious there's no soda left but I'm not done sucking on the straw sound.

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Re: December 2019 CALTROPS offer to Paul

Post by Ice Cream Jonsey »

AArdvark wrote: Mon Apr 06, 2020 4:30 pm Quick show of hands, does anyone else think my stuff is interesting?

THE
EXIT POLL
AARDVARK
Your stuff and the Commander's stuff are both interesting. In polar opposite ways for the most part. The one piece of advice I would give, you - Aardvark - is that we always go in cold to your tales. They begin very abruptly, which you've done enough that I know it is your style. In fact, I think most of the things you write are written in the style where they'd play pretty well for radio.

The advice I would give the Commander for his fiction is to cut down a smidge on all the raping.
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Re: December 2019 CALTROPS offer to Paul

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That's interesting because I do listen to a lot of old time radio shows. They must be leaking into my psyche. Actually most of the stories are like SNL or Monty Python comedy sketches.

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Re: December 2019 CALTROPS offer to Paul

Post by AArdvark »

I don't understand why the Tdarcos character in the Olive Garden story is concerned with anything other than finishing off his date's meal
It's all in response to the third date post he wrote over on Caltrops. I kind of dislike bagging on the guy but man, he can come off being a jerk sometimes.

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Re: December 2019 CALTROPS offer to Paul

Post by Tdarcos »

bryanb wrote: Mon Apr 06, 2020 5:06 pm That was a really unnecessary attack on AArdvark's writing, Paul.
Why was it "an attack"? I did not say "they are the worthless rantings of a no-talent hack," I said they were boring. If making an honest critique of something is an "attack," then the dishonest comments you made about my writing represnt "trench warfare."
bryanb wrote: Mon Apr 06, 2020 5:06 pm Also, since a poll started as I was writing this message I'm also raising my hand because AArdvark's stories are great.
That's your opinion and you're entitled to it.
bryanb wrote: Mon Apr 06, 2020 5:06 pm TWO PEOPLE ON A THIRD DATE: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT
Brian, clearly you did not read the item. Your comments are all wrong. Or you're trying to make the woman look like some sort of even more entitled character who thinks the world revolves around her. (Reddit calls this type of woman "Karen.") Let's see just how far down the rabbit hole this goes, err I mean lety's see how many ways you got this wrong, shall we?
bryanb wrote: Mon Apr 06, 2020 5:06 pm Disrespected woman: "You know, I really almost deceived myself for a moment into thinking you might be the one for one moment of utter stupidity, but you always manage to find a way to remind me of your many douchebag-like qualities before an evening is complete. Now you seem to think you can pressure me into having sex with you by threatening to put an end to our little outings. It's not going to work.
At which point he thanks he for the evening and walks out. End of story, which is what he said he was going to do. Which you would have known if you'd actually read it. Clearly, as he noted in his comments, if she's this mad, she's not interested in a romance with him, he's not interested in drama, so he's going to leave before she rants. But let's continue with your fantasy.
bryanb wrote: Mon Apr 06, 2020 5:06 pm Do I really need to remind you that I've been paying for all the food because you said you'd already spent your Social Security check this month?
Where do you get the idea the guy is over 65? That is the only way someone gets "social security," (If he was getting Social Security Disability, it's probably not likely he's just getting up from the couch and walking normally.)

There is nothing in the article that implies anything you're talking about, as the typical date involves a man taking a woman out at his expense. In my head I saw the guy (and the girl) as late 20s to mid 30s. And again you keep raising non sequiturs. If she was paying for the dates then it wasn't a one-sided situation, why would he break it off in the first place? The date would be costing him nothing and he would be getting something out of it. In that case he simply would have continued to go out with her at her expense and found another girl without saying anyting. The story is supposed to be of the standard dating scenario: an ordinary man invites a woman out, and the usual practice is the man is paying for it or (if the woman says so) the two are going Dutch. Your idea appears to be a non sequitur it does not follow from the story, "and veers off into Wichita, Kansas," otherwise known as "heading for la-la-land."
bryanb wrote: Mon Apr 06, 2020 5:06 pmYour tedious and meandering conversation has certainly not given me any sort of return on my investment so far. That you think you're even in a position to demand anything from me is outrageous.
Again, you clearly didn't read the story. He never demanded anything. What was the line he used?
It's neither blackmail nor extortion. I'm not entitled to anything. Neither are you. You have the absolute right to decide with whom you will choose to have sex, or to decide you won't have sex with someone.
There is no 'demand' here, not on his part. She wants him to stick around and be her 'emotional tampon,' giving her attention, validation, paying for dates, and everything else, while he gets nothing. And that she's told him this isn't going to change. Clearly, it's she the one who's demanding attention from him, while offering him nothing in exchange.
bryanb wrote: Mon Apr 06, 2020 5:06 pm I'm not a struggling actress and you're not Harvey Weinstein
Absolutely. Weinstein used drugs and/or force. All this guy did was say to her either she could decide to have a romance with him or he'd find someone who would. No force, no threats of "you'll never work in this town" just simply that he won't continue a one-sided dating arrangement when she's precluded any chance of anything further.
bryanb wrote: Mon Apr 06, 2020 5:06 pm -- there's a certain physical resemblance there, I grant you, but you'd need to lose at least three hundred pounds to really pull the look off."
Come on! Get real! If the guy was 300 pounds overweight she'd never have gone out with him in the first place. Use your brain to face reality and stop jumping off into la-la-land.
bryanb wrote: Mon Apr 06, 2020 5:06 pm Coercive man: "Let's not get hysterical here. I thought you were mature enough to be able to handle a mutually beneficial relationship between two consenting adults..."
This discussion ain't taking place. Either she chose to change her mind and begin a romance with him, or he walks out the door to find someone who will.
bryanb wrote: Mon Apr 06, 2020 5:06 pm Disrespected woman: "Just shut up. SHUT UP for one second in your life."
Coercive man: "No, you shut up. If you're not going to give me what I'm here for, I don't need to hear a single word more of your idiotic drivel."
You're in la-la-land again. In the original story, he let her say her piece and did not interrupt her.
bryanb wrote: Mon Apr 06, 2020 5:06 pm A familiar burning feeling convulsed through the coercive man's body as shoe met balls. He fell to the floor clutching his stomach.
Can you try exiting la-la-land for a moment? If a man is kicked in the nuts, he grabs his nuts, because that's where it hurts. He'd only be grabbing his stomach if he was gut-punched.
bryanb wrote: Mon Apr 06, 2020 5:06 pm The disrespected woman then marched confidently out of the restaurant, only pausing to exchange high fives with restaurant patrons as they chanted, "You go, girl!"
First of all, the story took place in her apartment, unless you think her bedroom was somewhere in the back of the restaurant. Again, this shows you didn't read what I wrote. Second, do you really think the other patrons are going to be cheering on a woman who hit a man below the belt for no reason except she didn't like what he said? Maybe slapping him on the face would be tolerated, but I doubt this would. She'd probably be asked to leave and never come back.

So let me get this straight. He never so much as laid a finger on her, while she kicked him in the nuts, and you have the nerve to call him coercive?
bryanb wrote: Mon Apr 06, 2020 5:06 pm Meanwhile, the coercive man rose unsteadily to his feet and pointed a crooked finger towards the disrespected woman, glowering in unfathomable rage.

Coercive man: "That's assault according to Maryland Code Section 3..."

Waiter: "Don't be such a douchebag. Do you need some ice?"
More likely, he's still on the ground, in pain, using his phone to dial 9-1-1. This represents not just regular assault, but assault and battery. Mandatory arrest, police have no discretion, if there is an assault of this type reported, the man or the woman committing it must be arrested. And there is serious jail time. Virginia Code 18.2-57 declares it a class 1 misdemeanor, punishable by up to a year in jail and/or a fine up to $2,500. In Maryland, where I no longer live, that's second degree assault under Maryland Code 3-203, which carries a maximum penalty of ten years in prison and/or a fine which is also up to $2,500. If you're going to kick someone in the nuts, you'd better not do it in Maryland.
Evil cannot create anything new
They can only corrupt and ruin
What good forces have invented or made.
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Re: December 2019 CALTROPS offer to Paul

Post by Flack »

Your posts are kicking us all in the nuts.
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Re: December 2019 CALTROPS offer to Paul

Post by Tdarcos »

Billy Mays wrote: Mon Apr 06, 2020 9:52 pm The dialogue works but it's in completely the wrong setting.

Take this for example:

The story opens up in a packed movie theater, it's dark, everyone is focused on the screen.

The faintest beep...beep...beep, a noise unrecognizable over the speakers if not for its artificialness.
Which shows your ignorance. If this is supposed to be me, moving in my power wheelchair, there is no constant beep. There is, at most, a single beep when the chair is turned on, nothing when it moves. Anything else would not apply, as if I did go to a movie I would have turned my phone off.
Billy Mays wrote: Mon Apr 06, 2020 9:52 pm The women sitting to his left tries to ignore it at first, she's already disgusted by how the evening went but people around him are also starting to get really irritated.
The women? i have more than one? Way to go! As for irritated, I'm not sure why.
Billy Mays wrote: Mon Apr 06, 2020 9:52 pm Then the dialogue from your story, recalling the meal they had together before going to the movie,
I'm not sure which story you're referring to. Mine took place in her apartment. The other story ends up with her walking out of the restaurant either in disgust - or in handcuffs - and the man on the floor clutching his balls.
Billy Mays wrote: Mon Apr 06, 2020 9:52 pm His date in disbelief pivots to how he stole the food right off her plate,
Oh please, I'm never that petty. If I was still hungry, I'd do exactly what I did once at one restaurant maybe 30 years ago: order anoher course. I haven't had to do that in years, I eat at restaurants that provide enough food that I'm full.
Billy Mays wrote: Mon Apr 06, 2020 9:52 pm and then the Tdarcos character takes one long sip off an almost empty soda, shakes the ice around,
For roughly the last forty-five years, I have always ordered soda without ice. Publicly I blame my teeth by saying the soda is refrigerated, then adding ice makes it too cold, but fact is, the amounr of ice added to a soda by restaurant employees can be anything from 25-50% of volume. I'm not ordering a 32 oz. soda to get 16 oz. of ice.

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Re: December 2019 CALTROPS offer to Paul

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Paul, you're a valued member of the community, but I think you need a time-out.
I don't have to say anything. I'm a doctor, too.

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Re: December 2019 CALTROPS offer to Paul

Post by bryanb »

Tdarcos wrote: Tue Apr 07, 2020 6:17 am Why was it "an attack"? I did not say "they are the worthless rantings of a no-talent hack," I said they were boring. If making an honest critique of something is an "attack," then the dishonest comments you made about my writing represnt "trench warfare."
Why would you suddenly attack AArdvark's writing when he was doing nothing but being friendly? Did he ask you for an honest, unfiltered critique of his writing? It came out of nowhere and was just petty and mean.
Tdarcos wrote: Tue Apr 07, 2020 6:17 am Brian, clearly you did not read the item. Your comments are all wrong. Or you're trying to make the woman look like some sort of even more entitled character who thinks the world revolves around her. (Reddit calls this type of woman "Karen.") Let's see just how far down the rabbit hole this goes, err I mean lety's see how many ways you got this wrong, shall we?
Pall, I wasn't "commenting" on your story. I just wrote a possible ending to the story (which you seemed to encourage by finishing the story with the line, "What happens next is left as an exercise for the reader"). I was a reader and I exercised.
Tdarcos wrote: Tue Apr 07, 2020 6:17 am Where do you get the idea the guy is over 65? That is the only way someone gets "social security," (If he was getting Social Security Disability, it's probably not likely he's just getting up from the couch and walking normally.)
No age was given for either character so in my story he was either a senior citizen or suffered from a severe mental illness that entitled him to SSDI without confining him to a couch. I leave the question as to which possibility is correct as an exercise to the reader.
Tdarcos wrote: Tue Apr 07, 2020 6:17 am There is nothing in the article that implies anything you're talking about, as the typical date involves a man taking a woman out at his expense. In my head I saw the guy (and the girl) as late 20s to mid 30s. And again you keep raising non sequiturs. If she was paying for the dates then it wasn't a one-sided situation, why would he break it off in the first place? The date would be costing him nothing and he would be getting something out of it. In that case he simply would have continued to go out with her at her expense and found another girl without saying anyting. The story is supposed to be of the standard dating scenario: an ordinary man invites a woman out, and the usual practice is the man is paying for it or (if the woman says so) the two are going Dutch. Your idea appears to be a non sequitur it does not follow from the story, "and veers off into Wichita, Kansas," otherwise known as "heading for la-la-land."
I wrote the coercive man character as a sex-obsessed elderly or disabled man. He's not dating for the free food -- he wants sex, and he wants it now. He's uninterested in emotional attachment and is incapable of relating to a woman as a human being. He has no female friends. Parenthetically, he has no male friends either, but to examine the reasons why we'd need to delve into his bisexuality which is beyond the scope of the story and would be highly unpleasant for everyone.
Tdarcos wrote: Tue Apr 07, 2020 6:17 am Again, you clearly didn't read the story. He never demanded anything. What was the line he used?
It's neither blackmail nor extortion. I'm not entitled to anything. Neither are you. You have the absolute right to decide with whom you will choose to have sex, or to decide you won't have sex with someone.
There is no 'demand' here, not on his part. She wants him to stick around and be her 'emotional tampon,' giving her attention, validation, paying for dates, and everything else, while he gets nothing. And that she's told him this isn't going to change. Clearly, it's she the one who's demanding attention from him, while offering him nothing in exchange.
It's a form of emotional blackmail. That he would try to frame himself as not being manipulative or coercive is hardly surprising and actually part of his "seduction" method. He's saying, "You either give me what I want or I'll treat you like garbage and refuse to have anything more to do with you. You have sex with me even if you don't want to because you have no value to me except as a sexual object and I'll reward you with a few more moments of my time." Also, my character did not pay for food or entertainment or provide any form of emotional support to the woman. He actually spent most of each of the prior dates going into the finer points of object-oriented programming in excruciating detail.
Tdarcos wrote: Tue Apr 07, 2020 6:17 am Come on! Get real! If the guy was 300 pounds overweight she'd never have gone out with him in the first place. Use your brain to face reality and stop jumping off into la-la-land.
Fat people do go on dates and have sex. Both the man and the woman I envisioned in my story are overweight, but the man has a much bigger problem. Think of the woman as pleasantly plump and the man as Jabba the Hut.
Tdarcos wrote: Tue Apr 07, 2020 6:17 am Can you try exiting la-la-land for a moment? If a man is kicked in the nuts, he grabs his nuts, because that's where it hurts. He'd only be grabbing his stomach if he was gut-punched.
Here's an article for your edification: Why Your Stomach Hurts After You Get Hit In the Balls. I have to say if you turn out to actually be a woman you'll go down as one of the greatest trolls in the history of the Internet.
Tdarcos wrote: Tue Apr 07, 2020 6:17 am First of all, the story took place in her apartment, unless you think her bedroom was somewhere in the back of the restaurant. Again, this shows you didn't read what I wrote. Second, do you really think the other patrons are going to be cheering on a woman who hit a man below the belt for no reason except she didn't like what he said? Maybe slapping him on the face would be tolerated, but I doubt this would. She'd probably be asked to leave and never come back.

So let me get this straight. He never so much as laid a finger on her, while she kicked him in the nuts, and you have the nerve to call him coercive?
Dates generally involve going out in my mind, and your story was ambiguous about the location. At any rate, my story takes place in a restaurant. You're greatly discounting the sympathy the other restaurant patrons feel for the poor woman who has been ranted at and treated like a human sex doll in front of everyone. In addition, the coercive man lost a lot of audience support with his preceding two hour monologue on mainframe computing.
Tdarcos wrote: Tue Apr 07, 2020 6:17 am More likely, he's still on the ground, in pain, using his phone to dial 9-1-1. This represents not just regular assault, but assault and battery. Mandatory arrest, police have no discretion, if there is an assault of this type reported, the man or the woman committing it must be arrested. And there is serious jail time. Virginia Code 18.2-57 declares it a class 1 misdemeanor, punishable by up to a year in jail and/or a fine up to $2,500. In Maryland, where I no longer live, that's second degree assault under Maryland Code 3-203, which carries a maximum penalty of ten years in prison and/or a fine which is also up to $2,500. If you're going to kick someone in the nuts, you'd better not do it in Maryland.
The woman's actions could be considered extreme and she may indeed face some sort of legal punishment. My point was that boorish behavior is only accepted up a point before it garners some sort of consequence. The reaction to the behavior might not be legal or strictly ethical, but many people's individual moralities would be flexible enough to punish the misdeeds of the coercive man.

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Re: December 2019 CALTROPS offer to Paul

Post by Ice Cream Jonsey »

AArdvark wrote: Tue Apr 07, 2020 3:02 am That's interesting because I do listen to a lot of old time radio shows. They must be leaking into my psyche. Actually most of the stories are like SNL or Monty Python comedy sketches.

THE
AMOS AND
AARDVARK
Yes! That's a good way to put it. People sitting down and talking (and yelling at each other, although I don't think you go that route) is a form of comedy that I think is most pure as well as being best and that is the genre in which I feel you normally write.

Do we have a base we're using for stuff like this? I think general creative endeavors is something we could use with around here.
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Re: December 2019 CALTROPS offer to Paul

Post by Billy Mays »

Tdarcos wrote: Tue Apr 07, 2020 7:15 am
Billy Mays wrote: Mon Apr 06, 2020 9:52 pm The dialogue works but it's in completely the wrong setting.

Take this for example:

The story opens up in a packed movie theater, it's dark, everyone is focused on the screen.

The faintest beep...beep...beep, a noise unrecognizable over the speakers if not for its artificialness.
Which shows your ignorance. If this is supposed to be me, moving in my power wheelchair, there is no constant beep. There is, at most, a single beep when the chair is turned on, nothing when it moves. Anything else would not apply, as if I did go to a movie I would have turned my phone off.
This is a Tdarcos character, not you, remember. And the story takes place before the character gave up both his ability to walk and a limb to diabetes and was still on the dating market.

The noise is coming from one of those calculator watches which I'm assuming made a tiny beep when you pressed one of the buttons. I'm also assuming there is an option to turn the beeping off but the Tdarcos character would not have the social awareness to do so.
Tdarcos wrote: Tue Apr 07, 2020 7:15 am
Billy Mays wrote: Mon Apr 06, 2020 9:52 pm The women sitting to his left tries to ignore it at first, she's already disgusted by how the evening went but people around him are also starting to get really irritated.
The women? i have more than one? Way to go!
It was a typo. It should have been written woman.
Tdarcos wrote: Tue Apr 07, 2020 7:15 amAs for irritated, I'm not sure why.
That is the entire comedic premise!
Tdarcos wrote: Tue Apr 07, 2020 7:15 am
Billy Mays wrote: Mon Apr 06, 2020 9:52 pm Then the dialogue from your story, recalling the meal they had together before going to the movie,
I'm not sure which story you're referring to. Mine took place in her apartment. The other story ends up with her walking out of the restaurant either in disgust - or in handcuffs - and the man on the floor clutching his balls.
AArdvarks's Olive Garden story. Somehow the Tdarcos character convinces her to go see a movie immediately after the dinner date and in the theater is where the argument takes place. An argument regarding their previous dinner together.
Tdarcos wrote: Tue Apr 07, 2020 7:15 am
Billy Mays wrote: Mon Apr 06, 2020 9:52 pm His date in disbelief pivots to how he stole the food right off her plate,
Oh please, I'm never that petty. If I was still hungry, I'd do exactly what I did once at one restaurant maybe 30 years ago: order anoher course. I haven't had to do that in years, I eat at restaurants that provide enough food that I'm full.
One of the first stories I read that you wrote was one where you were going on a date with someone and she wanted to get a doggy bag but instead you ate the meal right off her plate. Nobody here believe that you're not a "you gonna eat that" guy. I challenge anyone here, in a separate thread, to a debate that believes Tdarcos is not a "you gonna eat that" guy.
Tdarcos wrote: Tue Apr 07, 2020 7:15 am
Billy Mays wrote: Mon Apr 06, 2020 9:52 pm and then the Tdarcos character takes one long sip off an almost empty soda, shakes the ice around,
For roughly the last forty-five years, I have always ordered soda without ice. Publicly I blame my teeth by saying the soda is refrigerated, then adding ice makes it too cold, but fact is, the amounr of ice added to a soda by restaurant employees can be anything from 25-50% of volume. I'm not ordering a 32 oz. soda to get 16 oz. of ice.
Fair enough. Replace ice with pulls the straw in and out of the lid making that distinct squeaking noise, searching for the last drops of soda. The important thing is that even the Tdarcos character is speechless when confronted with his "you gonna eat that" guy act and in an attempt to reestablish dominance over the situation needs to sip air through a for all intents and purposes empty cup of soda to make that slurping noise.

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Re: December 2019 CALTROPS offer to Paul

Post by Tdarcos »

Another story posted to Caltrops;
"The (Future) History of the 2036 founding of the Empire of Vicron"

(TEASER)

Backstory:

During a history class in 2136, a student named Ralph is asked when their country, Vicron, was founded. Since this is the Centennial Celebration year, presumably it was founded in 2036. He answers, '2018' and is laughed at. He goes to the teacher,, Mr. Wilson, after class and says the textbook is wrong. Vicron was founded as the Republic of Vicron in 2018, then converted to an Empire, which was founded in 2036. Wilson tells the kid to forget the regular homework, go research it and come back with a paper telling the history from then to the founding, either showing he's right or wrong.

This is Ralph's report. Comments are welcomed.




Chapter 5
"But, they found a loophole."


Jim spent all afternoon and part of the evening reading the textbook, and part of the conduct manual.

Tuesday morning in class, Jim was reading the young man's report, and he discovered that it looked like he was wrong and the young man was right. Using his pad, he looked up some of the facts from reliable sites – like the office of the Secretary of State of Vicron – and discovered a few things he had no idea were true.

“It looks like this is correct. I'm going to copy it to everyone's pad so they can read it, if that's okay.”

“Sure. I'll send it to you as an attachment and you can 'cast it to everybody.” When class started, he gave an announcement.

“Class, we,” he pointed at himself and Ralph, “discussed something and this young man discovered that I and the rest of the class were wrong. So he's going to tell us what he discovered, which you can read along if you want, as I've sent it to your pads, or just listen. Okay, Ralph, you can present your paper.”


https://www.caltrops.com/pointy.php?act ... pid=201053
Evil cannot create anything new
They can only corrupt and ruin
What good forces have invented or made.
- J.R.R. Tolkien

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