The Ballad of Paul Robinson

Celebrity Monologues

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Paul-Robinson1

The Ballad of Paul Robinson

Post by Paul-Robinson1 » Thu Jun 13, 2019 7:25 pm

Waitin' for a bus in University Park
Trying to get to downtown or D.C.
The man at Radio Shack said
"You gotta go back."
You know I didn't even have a charge card
(Chorus)
Christ! You know it ain't easy
You know how hard it can be
The way things are going
They're gonna crucify me.

Finally caught the bus to Hyattsville,
Got myself some things to eat.
When I get home I have to react
I have a problem with my feet
(Chorus)

My right big toe is missing its nail
That's only part of the tale
On my left heel is some wet dead skin
It looks like gangrene but no smell
(Chorus)

I picked at the stringy dead skin
It came off very easy indeed
There's a hole in my foot and a lot of gook
At least I can say it doesn't bleed
(Chorus)

I drove my wheelchair to the hospital
The emergency room took me in
They cleaned me quite well
And bathed places I've never been
(Chorus)

My wheelchair had to stay behind ”Oh groan"
Infested with roaches they say
I had no idea I was spreading them elsewhere
I'd have used dichromatic earth if I'd known
(Chorus)

So I'm in the E.R. for inspection
Tube down my throat just to check
They do some tests, and wouldn't you guess
It looks like I'm admitted "Oh heck"
(Chorus)

They treat my wound and admit me now
In order to be sure it is treated
They want to be sure the wound
Doesn't get like a garbage scow
(Chorus)

Some weeks later I'm discharged
To a rehab facility
They move me around, and make me do things
To improve my mobility
(Chorus)

Then later I'm sent home with a boot
To protect my open wound
It"s waterproof and blue
And Velcro keeps it on my foot
(Chorus)

I made a mistake that was stupid
I failed to protect the wound
I got a bad infection
It turned into something fetid
(Chorus)

Went back to the hospital
Adventist in Tacoma Park
The E.R. saw me again
They admitted me shortly after dark
(Chorus)

After some weeks of IV infusion
Antibiotics killed the bacteria strain
But I am ruined, I have been damaged
I'm never gonna be the same.
(Chorus)

Again I go back to rehab
They get me to sit up on the bed
But anything more is not in store
I can barely lift my head
(Chorus)

Can't go back to my old home
There's no one there to help
I'm an invalid, I can't leave the bed
No more will I ever roam
(Chorus)

We talk my sister in VA into helping
She will take me as I am
Only we discover, it is too much
The load involved is overwhelming
(Chorus)

She examines the new wound
Located on my right leg
It looks bad, nobody is glad
It started a terrible gloom
(Chorus)

My sister sent the pic to my doctor
Disgusted would be an understatement
He said "Call 911, send him to the hospital
We need someone to treat him and proctor"
(Chorus)

I'm taken to Virginia Hospital
(They're experts in wound care)
They check me out, to see what it is
They know about what things are there
(Chorus)

I'll need IV antibiotics for a while
They find me a room and a bed
I'm treated like a hazmat scene
The silliness makes me smile
(Chorus)

They confirm what Adventist said
All of the infection is dead
But I'm still sick, as I noted
I still can't leave my hospital bed
(Chorus)

I'm sent to another rehab place
To try and get some strength back
It's not much success, I am really weak
I feel like I am a waste of space
(Chorus)

I now have another issue
My right leg looks none too good
That wound looks even worse
I think I need to use a tissue
(Chorus)

They do an X-ray that looks funny
They decide I need a CT scan
They are expensive, they cost ten grand
I said "I don't have the money!"
(Chorus)

"We decided if medicare won't pay
The clinic will instead."
Well I am surprised
It looks like it's my lucky day
(Chorus)

------+
Stopping here to save. More later

Paul-Robinson1

Re: The Ballad of Paul Robinson

Post by Paul-Robinson1 » Thu Jun 13, 2019 8:07 pm

Continued from above
Sung to the tune of "The Ballad of John and Yoko" by The Beatles
--------
The CT scan shows a bone infection
I need another IV infusion
They use am ultrasound for the vein scan
Pain free and passes inspection
(Chorus)

So with new IV we try
To fight this new infection
But it is for nought, as we are taught
I think I just want to cry
(Chorus)

It's announced I need a lot of work
Debride the skin, remove part of bone
And plastic surgery to replace
I feel like a terrible jerk
(Chorus)

But this ignores my previous illness
I haven't walked in twelve years
So that changes the problem
I am in a worse state I need a rest
(Chorus)

Looks like there's not much to work with today
And also my knees can't bend
This changes the plan, as I understand
They'll have to take the foot away

In the pre-op room I wait and see
To have my surgery
But I got it wrong
They're taking the leg above the knee
(Chorus)

The result hurt like hell
And painkillers didn't"t help
They worked backward instead
And I suffer - isn't that swell
(Chorus)

My arms and hands are numb
While my stump burns like fire
The doctor says it can't be that way
I guess he thinks I"m dumb
(Chorus)

So now you know my story
I hope you read every word
Because it is what happens
And I end up with no glory
(Chorus)

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Ice Cream Jonsey
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Re: The Ballad of Paul Robinson

Post by Ice Cream Jonsey » Thu Jun 13, 2019 8:34 pm

Did you get my email with your new password pal?
the dark and gritty...Ice Cream Jonsey!

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bryanb
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Re: The Ballad of Paul Robinson

Post by bryanb » Thu Jun 13, 2019 10:54 pm

You can't correct an artist, but I see this as being more the beginning to a grand epic in the vein of The Iliad and the Kalevala than a simple song. We just need rosy-fingered Dawn to make a few appearances and for Paul to kill the man who is sleeping or attempting to sleep with his yet-to-be-introduced wife and we're in business. I have to disagree with the last line, though -- there IS glory in surviving and persevering through the cruel vicissitudes of life.

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Tdarcos
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Location: Arlington, Virginia
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Re: The Ballad of Paul Robinson

Post by Tdarcos » Fri Jun 14, 2019 12:22 am

Yes, and I affirm that the first two messages were from me.

"I'm Tansin A.Darcos and I approved those messages!"
"I might only have one match / But I can make an explosion."
- Rachel Platten, Fight Song

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AArdvark
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Joined: Tue May 14, 2002 6:12 pm
Location: Rochester, NY

Re: The Ballad of Paul Robinson

Post by AArdvark » Fri Jun 14, 2019 2:49 pm

Ya gotta hand it to the Commander. They cut his leg off and he writes a parody song about it. Weird Al would never have the fortitude for something like that.

Glad to see you're OK and doing better.

THE
GLAD
AARDVARK

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Tdarcos
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Location: Arlington, Virginia
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Re: The Ballad of Paul Robinson

Post by Tdarcos » Fri Jun 14, 2019 3:50 pm

AArdvark wrote:
Fri Jun 14, 2019 2:49 pm
Ya gotta hand it to the Commander. They cut his leg off and he writes a parody song about it. Weird Al would never have the fortitude for something like that
Weird All has done many interesting songs, including "Word Crimes." You have no idea what a person can do until they face the condition, and either beat it or it beats them. Only then can you discover the content of their character.
AArdvark wrote:
Fri Jun 14, 2019 2:49 pm
Glad to see you're OK and doing better.

THE
GLAD
AARDVARK
'Vark, I am touched by your sympathy. Now I'm supposed to make a comment like "now stop touching me, you're making my stump hurt." But I'll take the high road and stay out of the gutter.
"I might only have one match / But I can make an explosion."
- Rachel Platten, Fight Song

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