BONUS SEASON

Celebrity Monologues

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Ice Cream Jonsey
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BONUS SEASON

Post by Ice Cream Jonsey » Fri Mar 31, 2017 8:51 pm

So for the first time in my 20 years of working a computer job, a company that promised a bonus made good on it. Oh, I have been promised bonuses. Lots of promises there. One shithole dump I worked for over 10 years ago did a thing where they promised a sizable bonus for 14 months, had a giant layoff and still tried to hold the bonus over the head of the people that remained. But this place paid it.

In anticipation of this, people said to switch my payroll deductions. I am normally at zero. I don't mind getting a refund check. Up until the current fucking idiot was elected President, I considered it patriotic to loan the US of A some money, interest free, and get it back. And hey, it's a small amount anyway.

Well, with this bonus actually happening, everyone said to turn my deductions from 0 to 20, so I did that. The money came today and more was taken out in tax then I thought. God dammit, I said to myself. Payroll must have not taken out 20 deductions.

No, actually, I looked and it's just that we as a society have a lot of Medicare and stuff that goes to the people that need it. That's just like the bare minimum that needs to go. So it's not that payroll screwed up, I just felt that giving a small amount to the poor was too much. What a dickhead.

Jolt Country, has a company ever made good on a bonus promised to YOU?
the dark and gritty...Ice Cream Jonsey!

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Flack
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Post by Flack » Sat Apr 01, 2017 5:37 am

The government doesn't give out yearly bonuses, but they do give out cash awards. Once a year, employees can be nominated for cash awards for going above and beyond for work. I've received three or four over the past ten years (only federal employees are eligible, not contractors). Usually it involves getting assigned to a high-profile project, like I did in 2013 (when we consolidated 12 active directory domains into one) and 2014 (when we converted our entire mail system from Lotus to Microsoft's EMS365). I've been in low-profile positions ever since and haven't seen a bonus since. I doubt these cash awards compare to the kinds of bonuses you are referring to. The largest one I ever got was $1,500 and the smallest was $500. And, like you said, these bonuses go right on to your paycheck, which means you lose around 1/3 of them to taxes.

I have a friend who works for a company that awards bonuses, but you don't get them until the following year, and I think it's part of his salary. So in other words if you quit in 2017, you won't get the chunk of your salary from 2016. It sounds very sketchy to me.
"Jack Flack always escapes." -Davey Osborne

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RealNC
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Post by RealNC » Sat Apr 01, 2017 8:05 am

I wonder how much of that amount is for buying weapons and how much is for healthcare. It's like a 50/50 split, right?

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ChainGangGuy
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Post by ChainGangGuy » Sat Apr 01, 2017 8:09 am

Never once has an employer of mine ponied up the dough for a promised bonus.

With two previous employers, they freely, almost cheerfully handed out vacation time but would stamp their feet, openly berate employees and just generally cry baby it up when someone dared to even ask to take them up on 'em. Then, when it was all over, be it layoffs, termination or somebody quit, the response to an inquiry of whether or not the employee would be paid for this accrued time was a big fat "HA!"

I've learned that, even if they tear up and their low lip starts to quiver, you take those vacation/sick days. TAKE THOSE DAYS, Jolt Country.

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The Happiness Engine
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Post by The Happiness Engine » Sat Apr 01, 2017 9:20 am

Anything 'promised' is worthless. If it's important to you tell them to write it into your employment agreement.

My previous company had a stock grant on a 4 year vest and my current one pays yearly bonuses. In both case they are written right into my employment contract and there is no question of them not being paid. Also in both cases after taxes were taken I took home about %50 of the gross.

The cash bonus is paid March 15th for the previous year and if say, a COMPLETELY HYPOTHETICAL person uploads company code to their public github and then acts really sketchy about how it got there and hence gets fired on March 5th, they do NOT get that money. This is also spelled out right in the contract.

What the rich people tell me is that you structure your 401K contribution such that all of it comes out of the bonus, therefor dodging the higher tax rate on the bonus. So for a $25,000 bonus, you just put your maximum yearly $18,000 in a pretax 401k, pay $3,500, take yourself a nice vacation with the other $3,500, AND have that extra little bit you'd normally be saving each check.

On a side note, CGG is right, whenever any boss tries to play the sympathy card tell them to get fucked. This is a business relationship, you're not my friend.

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AArdvark
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Post by AArdvark » Sat Apr 01, 2017 9:36 am

Our company hands out bonuses once a year. They add in the taxes so we get the amount they want us to have. It's nice of them.
We don't have sick days though. You have to use a vacation day if you want to be sick and get paid for it. Nobody ever gets sick tho.


THE
BETTER NOT!
AARDVARK

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Ice Cream Jonsey
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Post by Ice Cream Jonsey » Sat Apr 01, 2017 9:42 am

Flack wrote: I doubt these cash awards compare to the kinds of bonuses you are referring to. The largest one I ever got was $1,500 and the smallest was $500. And, like you said, these bonuses go right on to your paycheck, which means you lose around 1/3 of them to taxes.
There was a nice thing that happened to me once when I was at National Semiconductor. To preface this, I should say that there's been a couple times where I was surprised by a little extra pay -- that kind of maneuver, where it isn't dangled in front of a worker, but it just appears like a banshee at 2AM in the Skirvin Hotel -- those are great. It's a civilized way of doing things.

But yeah, I worked on a project and a manager that was not my own wanted to give me an extra $500. This would have been around 2001 or so. He set it to pay me $833, then taxes whittled it down to $500. I wished that guy was my manager! Or my Colorado-Dad. Maybe it's good that I didn't tell him these things.
the dark and gritty...Ice Cream Jonsey!

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Ice Cream Jonsey
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Post by Ice Cream Jonsey » Sat Apr 01, 2017 9:50 am

ChainGangGuy wrote:Then, when it was all over, be it layoffs, termination or somebody quit, the response to an inquiry of whether or not the employee would be paid for this accrued time was a big fat "HA!"

I've learned that, even if they tear up and their low lip starts to quiver, you take those vacation/sick days. TAKE THOSE DAYS, Jolt Country.
So my mother is retired now, but she worked for like 20 years at a retirement home or assisted living place called Hilton East in Hilton, NY.

Here, I'll link it because I hope other people find this story: Hilton East.

They paid people there so laughably, pathetically low that my mom had accumulated something like 250 hours of saved-up vacation over 20 years which was gonna pay her $2500 or so.

Anyway, they faked an incident to fire her and as ChainGangGuy stated, refused to pay her for her accumulated vacation. We would have gotten a lawyer, only a lawyer would cost near the pathetically low amount the vacation would have been worth. I'd have been fucking embarrassed to have 1) let go an employee to get their vacation off the books and 2) let anyone know that it was that low for that many years and that many hours.

That said, if I could pay that much for my mom to never work again, that would have been a fine deal, right? God, I'm glad she never has to set foot in that shithole of a dump again. But yes, always take your vacation!!
the dark and gritty...Ice Cream Jonsey!

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Flack
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Post by Flack » Sat Apr 01, 2017 1:21 pm

+1 to the vacation train.

I've been at my job long enough that I acquire 8 weeks of vacation a year, and can only carry over a maximum of 6 weeks at the end of each year.

A few years ago I wasn't paying attention and mismanaged my leave. To keep from losing any of my vacation leave, I would have had to have taken off the last three weeks of December. I mentioned that to my boss and while we couldn't really deny my request, he gave me a sob story and a hard sale and basically talked me out of it. I took one week off, and lost two weeks.

A few months later in an unrelated conversation, he told me that anyone who gave up their use-or-lose vacation time was a sucker and that he would never do it. Based on that conversation, I'll never do it again, either.
"Jack Flack always escapes." -Davey Osborne

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