Pinback's Recovery Central Introduction

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Mon Feb 09, 2015 12:37 pm

Hello! Welcome to the new base in which we will be discussing recovery from alcoholism (specifically mine, but not limited to that), and secondarily or in combination, roller coasters.

The impetus for this is:

I'm an alcoholic, now six days clean, and it's going well enough this time that I think it might finally actually "take", and I thought this would be a good place for me to document the experience of recovery, answer any questions you may have, offer to listen to your own experiences, and/or talk about roller coasters.

Some background!

I've been drinking alcohol daily since I was about 19. First just a couple beers a day, then a few glasses of wine, then in my late 20s, taking those first few tenuous steps into liquor, increasing that amount through my 30s, and eventually winding up with this as an average daily intake:

3/4 of a bottle of vodka, two little airplane bottles of "99 Bananas", and four or five beers. That's a representative example.

As far as "functional" alcoholics go, I think I win? I never lost a job, always paid my bills, always provided for the people depending on me, and other than lying to my wife about it and not picking Knuckles up from the airport that one time, didn't overtly harm anyone during the whole stint.

However, I'd reached the point (in the past month) where I'd actually started getting into morning/day drinking. Some of it was just for fun, but some was because I was always hungover from the previous night, and it was the only surefire way to feel better. This could go on for days.

It could have gone on for years.

Everyone felt bad about it, and I was sick of it. I think the only way this actually works is if you finally, deep in your heart, really, sincerely hate the whole thing.

Even hating it, though, doesn't always do the trick. The first day of sobriety is easy because you're hungover as fuck from "going out in style" the previous night, and you just want the pain to end.

Day 2 is when it gets hard, because you're feeling fine again. Hey, I made it through! Let's get the party started again! But you made a commitment, so you can't. And it's terrible. You realize that it's the only thing you had that made everything else fun, everything else tolerable. You don't feel like doing anything anymore, because what's the point, it's not fun anymore.

I've only made it to Day 6 through a combination of mindfulness meditation, self-administered "ACT" (Acceptance/Commitment Therapy, of which mindfulness meditation is a large part) and most recently and so far amazingly, the Hyland's Nerve Tonic I mentioned in the main base, which perhaps Jonsey can move here to keep this all in the same place.

Right now I feel like if I keep this routine up, I'll make it to the most important mile marker, which is the one where figuring out ways not to drink and fighting with the voices in your head trying to scheme a way to get back to it somehow, where all of that stops, and you genuinely don't care.

How long does that take? I don't know. Never gotten there before.

We'll see.

AArdvark · Post by **AArdvark** » Mon Feb 09, 2015 4:06 pm

Who has access to this base? This is a reality base, I take it, where things are real.

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Mon Feb 09, 2015 4:08 pm

Everyone has access to this base.

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Wed Feb 11, 2015 8:28 am

One week sober. As I told my wife last night, it's not been horrible, but it's definitely not my favorite thing ever. Not yet, anyway.

It's nice not waking up hungover, though. I will say that.

I will say that.

(I just said that.)

AArdvark · Post by **AArdvark** » Wed Feb 11, 2015 6:37 pm

Will you be applying a "One Day at a Time" bumper sticker on the Cooper Mini?

No?

Good. I always thought that was dumb.

Congrats on week one!

Tdarcos · Post by **Tdarcos** » Wed Feb 11, 2015 7:19 pm

Alcoholism is a physical and psychological addiction. As I have noted in other places, I have said that I'm glad I hate the taste of alcohol or I might have gone that route. I have my own problems with other potential addictions and this could have been just another one. My mother drank quite heavily (although she stopped more-or-less once I was born as I don't remember seeing her drink when I was a child) and my sister happens to be an alcoholic.

All you really can do is take it one minute at a time, one hour at a time, one day at a time. Hopefully you'll be sble to maintain your sobriety, but if it happens that you fail, don't see it as a failure of your life, look at it and see what were the triggers that caused you to drink again, and try to figure out how to avoid being exposed to them.

It kinds of reminds me of a line from the original Star Trek where someone mentions to Kirk how human beings are killers, and he agrees, saying, "There's a difference. We can choose not to kill. Just simply saying 'Today I won't kill anyone.'"

That is basically what you have to try to do. Just say, "Today I won't drink." Just work on it and try to avoid things that can trigger the impulse to start drinking again.

Good luck to you, as you begin your journey.

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Wed Feb 11, 2015 8:49 pm

Tdarcos wrote:I'm glad I hate the taste of alcohol or I might have gone that route.

Yeah, you could have ended up a real mess! Glad you dodged THAT bullet!

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Fri Feb 13, 2015 7:47 pm

Wow! Day 10 was tough! But I made it.

Only 10000 more days to get through.

RealNC · Post by **RealNC** » Sat Feb 14, 2015 5:01 am

pinback wrote:Wow! Day 10 was tough! But I made it.

Only 10000 more days to get through.

Good job! And don't worry, it gets easier after you're dead.

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Tue Feb 17, 2015 1:09 pm

Welp, I'm allowing myself a couple of beers in the evening. Only very good beers, and I sip them, very very slowly, making sure to fully enjoy the flavor each time.

I'm comfortable with that.

I hope you are too.

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Tue Feb 17, 2015 1:25 pm

pinback wrote:Welp, I'm allowing myself a couple of beers in the evening. Only very good beers, and I sip them, very very slowly, making sure to fully enjoy the flavor each time.

I'm comfortable with that.

I hope you are too.

Wait, what? What the fuck man? What?

Dude. You had it done. You had it CONQUERED.

Shit. This is bad. Someo-- this is BAD.

RealNC · Post by **RealNC** » Tue Feb 17, 2015 1:48 pm

Phailed.

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Tue Feb 17, 2015 3:27 pm

Well, everyone in my real life is supportive. So that's enough.

You maggots.

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Tue Feb 17, 2015 3:36 pm

Not supportive?

"I am going to stop drinking. I mean it this time. Oh, I had a couple beers."

How is one meant to be supportive to this? What should we do?

AArdvark · Post by **AArdvark** » Tue Feb 17, 2015 4:06 pm

Is this something that will turn ugly again? A couple beers is fine, A couple litres of vodka isn't. Can you turn off after a couple beers? That's the real question. Do they start calling you out to the fridge to have another. And another. And another? What's that AA quote I heard in a movie?

THE
DON'T LIGHT
THE FUSE
AARDVARK

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Tue Feb 17, 2015 5:51 pm

The combination of slow-sipping beer and various dietary supplements has made it perfectly enjoyable, without going nuts.

Thank you all for your time.

Fuck off.

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Wed Feb 18, 2015 3:06 pm

You're right, buddy! It was OUR fault!

How's the creative pursuit coming? That our fault too?

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Wed Feb 18, 2015 4:10 pm

I don't know why you're turning on me, the "most important person in the history of JC BBS" (as you told me the other day).

I don't understand it.

Anyway, let's get rid of this base. You ruined it.

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Wed Feb 18, 2015 7:00 pm

pinback wrote:I don't know why you're turning on me, the "most important person in the history of JC BBS" (as you told me the other day).

I don't understand it.

Anyway, let's get rid of this base. You ruined it.

I retract my previous comments because you are correct. You are the most important poster in the history of this BBS, and that includes the dial-up days.

I now *officially support* you and would like to ask some serious questions about the ongoing recovery. With your permission, friend.

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Wed Feb 18, 2015 8:58 pm

I am here to answer your questions.