Zero Stars in advance: Transformers

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AArdvark
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Post by AArdvark »

Please to explain what it is and I'll make a comment. OR I could just make something up!


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Ice Cream Jonsey
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Post by Ice Cream Jonsey »

AArdvark wrote:Please to explain what it is and I'll make a comment. OR I could just make something up!


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It's this link!

http://redlettermedia.com/half-in-the-b ... formers-3/
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AArdvark
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Post by AArdvark »

Did not know that it was a review series of videos.

I could totally do something like that. Only it would have more show prep, R rated language, real beers and waaaaay better material. I had to skip through better than half of the review A) because I have yet to see any of the 3 transformers movies in their entirety and thusly have no real opinion.
B) these two guys have the right idea but... seriously lousy comedy writing skills. Could go to a bar and listen to two average schmucks drink beer and flap gums about the movie and it would be funnier.

This begs the question of when will there be a video chat/ review with the local JC denizens on Youtube? Similar to the AOL chat stuff that pinback and Jones transcribe here now and then, only with video and better interaction.

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Post by Tdarcos »

Worm wrote:I imagine the next thing they're going to milk is G.I. Joe. If we get to Silverhawks I'm going to tie a noose.
Why does this whole quote bring up huge gay sex images? :)
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Post by Ice Cream Jonsey »

At this point, I am hoping the RLM guy retweets my Feeding Frenzy review. That's all I am living for at this point.
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Post by Flack »

I watched the video and I thought they had a good gimmick (the "one half of the movie" thing). I mentioned this somewhere, but for a while I wrote video game reviews as Charles Manson. They went over well for a while, but the shtick wore off pretty quickly. There are only so many jokes you can make in regards to Helter Skelter, the Beatles, sex, drugs, murder, and Spahn Ranch.
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Ice Cream Jonsey
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Post by Ice Cream Jonsey »

Understood. The RLM guy did NOT retweet my review. I whined about that in the forum on Caltrops, so apologies for the rerun.
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Post by RetroRomper »

Announcement taped to the window of a "Yogurt and You" (or whatever the shop was) in downtown Berkeley -

Image

Guess the jukebox was stuck on "Never Miss a Thing" for an entire day.

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Post by AArdvark »

That's a pretty good marketing gimmick. Post a notice like that that bans a famous person from the place (even though that person would never in a billion years patronize it.)

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Post by Ice Cream Jonsey »

Here is Hot Rod, the cartoon version:

Image

HERE is Hot Rod in the upcoming Transformers movie:

Image

Wait a sec. I'm hitting "preview" and now I'm not sure if I posted the movie version or not. The image looks pretty much fuckin identical to the source material, what amazing talent on the part of the artists there. OK.... checking my post.... ah! It's not that I posted the first image twice, it's just that movie version Hot Rod looks SO GOOD. It's like they brought him to life!!!

What an incredible franchise!
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Post by pinback »

I mean, the cartoon version at least looked like it could turn into a car.

There is no way that Jaeger-lookin' mufucka is turning into anything else, much less an automobile.
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Post by RealNC »

But... but... it has over 20000 independently moving parts and cost $20 million to make...

YOU WILL LIKE IT.

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Post by pinback »

I like it.
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Ice Cream Jonsey
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Post by Ice Cream Jonsey »

Yeah, when you put it like that it looks pretty cool.
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Post by lethargic »

The movie versions look silly. But I'm pretty sure if they did literal translation from cartoon to movie it'd also look equally silly in other ways.

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Post by RetroRomper »

Alright everyone - since the five or seven Transformers movies were terrible, what was everyone hoping for from a live action film?

Did you want mouths on the robots?
Should there have been hoverboards?
What was YOUR vision?
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Post by Tdarcos »

RetroRomper wrote:Alright everyone - since the five or seven Transformers movies were terrible, what was everyone hoping for from a live action film?

What was YOUR vision?
An earth-shattering KABOOM! and the world exploded into chunks so they never make another fucking Transformers movie again. And hopefully, the earth-shattering KABOOM! takes Michael Bay with it.
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Post by Ice Cream Jonsey »

Melissa and I took our nephew to see the ... what is it, 5th one? last night on his request.

It was probably the worst movie I've ever seen. This thread is 10 years old and just to confirm, I'd never seen the others.

What a mess. I mean, I guess this is Michael Bay's thing now and he loves himself for it. It was two and a half hours long and should have been 70 minutes. Every single scene ends with the (laughably untalented) screenwriters going AN' AN' AN' THEN THERE WAS SHIPS! AND SUBS! AN' AN' AN MOOOOOOOOOM TOMMY WONT LET ME PLAY WITH HOT ROD!

Tommy: Jamapelle croissoint fewf fewf lol

MOOOOOMMMM

Just racing from one stupid scene to the next, and God forbid if you didn't see the others. Why was John Turturro in this? I hope the answer is because of something he did in one of the other movies. I am PRAYING that is it because even if you handwave over all the other rubbish, the fact that Bay thinks, "People enjoy my work; they've seen the others, they will get it" takes it to its own level of contempt.

Everything in this hunk of shit was so ridiculously stupid and retarded. I cannot believe grown adults spent time making this nonsense. Where's the fucking dignity? They honestly believe it's going to make money anyway, so why do anything well. I've worked at companies that made profits. I still took pride in what I did.

I won't even get into the fact that the entire story sounds like someone kinda, sorta heard about the Transformers once and awkwardly tried to shove it in to this stupid movie at times while rolling their eyes and doing it badly on purpose. There is a three-headed dragon in it, should have been Sky Lynx. But it isn't, so I guess they are making their own stuff up? OK, but then they go and name someone Hot Rod, who was the protagonist of the animated movie, but they have him speaking French for some reason. I think, maybe, he was the car that originally trapped the English girl and then turned an illusion off - were they trying to use Mirage there? Who knows, the writers don't. The other dinobots are around, but they are baby(?) Transformers? Grimlock appears everywhere but doesn't appear in the final battle, who knows why.

Like Ben said a year ago, the fact that the original Hot Rod was based on a futuristic car and looks like something that could exist in the world as a cartoon, but that design doesn't is so laughable. Everything looks like utter shit in this movie. I will give them credit for making Wahlberg likable, I guess. Oh, and the English gal was great.

Zero out of five stars.
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