Tales from Jabba's Palace

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Ice Cream Jonsey
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Tales from Jabba's Palace

Post by Ice Cream Jonsey » Sat Feb 02, 2019 10:50 pm

No pizza this weekend fellas so I can make fun of the other fat slug in our midst.

There is APPARENTLY a book of stories called https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tales_fro ... 27s_Palace Tales from Jabba's Palace. One of them was written by my favorite author, George Effinger.

Because we have a Star Trek expert on our forum, I would like to ask Flack if he was aware that this book existed. I'm gonna get it, I think, to read whatever GAE wrote.
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Flack
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Re: Tales from Jabba's Palace

Post by Flack » Sun Feb 03, 2019 3:58 pm

01. Star Trek?

02. I'm aware it exists. I spent a lot of time collecting Star Wars books, and not a lot of time reading them. I recently started reading "Tales of the Bounty Hunters," which is (I think) the second in that Anderson series (although they're not really chronological). I have a paperback copy in my car and I've been working on it for a couple of months. I really need to just sit down and plow through it.
"Jack Flack always escapes." -Davey Osborne

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Re: Tales from Jabba's Palace

Post by Ice Cream Jonsey » Sun Feb 03, 2019 8:07 pm

Ah, I was watching an episode of Discovery and I botched the line. I botched it!

OK, I'm gonna see if I can get a copy we can pass around here in the forum. I'm going to need everyone's name, address and some bank account info for temporary holds.
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Re: Tales from Jabba's Palace

Post by Flack » Thu Mar 14, 2019 7:52 pm

I'm 1/3 the way through Tales from The Mos Eisley Cantina.

Here's a paragraph from page one:
Our band leader, Figrin Da'n, was wearily swabbing his Kloo Horn (there's a joke there, but you'd have to speak Bithian to get it). It's a longer double-reed than my Fizzz, richer in pastel harmonics but not so sweet. Tedn and Ickabel were arguing over their Fanfar cases. Nalan had started disconnecting the horn bells from his Bandfill, and Tech-we look alike to non-Bith, but you might've picked out Tech by the glazed gleam in his eyes-sat slumped over his Ommni Box. Plaster chips from a midnight blaster skirmish littered the Ommni's reception dish. (The Ommni clips our peaks, attenuates the lows, reverbs and amps the total sound. Playing it takes even a Bith's full genius. Tech hates Figrin. Figrin won the Ommni last season in a sabacc game.)
And here's one from the second story, about Greedo:
"Grow up, Pqweeduk!" Greedo slouched against a wall, waiting for his friend Anky Fremp, a Siona Skup biomorph who had taught him the secrets of the street.
(For the record, "Pqweeduk" is Greedo's younger brother.)

I enjoy Star Wars, and I'm trying to enjoy the stories, but... each one just seems like a combination of randomly generated names (Anky Fremp?) and an unbelievable string of coincidences. When Greedo needs parts for the ship he's building, he just happens to wander into a repair bay where Han Solo and Chewbacca are working on the Falcon. In another story, when the * sisters land on Tattooine, they look up and notice a Star Destroyer chasing a Corellian Corvette (the opening scene from Star Wars) and have a conversation about it. "I think there's a battle going on up there!" one says. When Muftak and Kabe are wandering near Mos Eisley, a sandtrooper stops them and asks them if they've seen two wanted droids. It's kind of like Forrest Gump in the sense that every single person (alien) in this story was in the right place at the right time.
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Re: Tales from Jabba's Palace

Post by Flack » Thu Mar 14, 2019 7:54 pm

I left myself a place holder and forgot to go back and edit it. The story was about the Tonnika Sisters.
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Re: Tales from Jabba's Palace

Post by Flack » Sat Mar 23, 2019 4:39 pm

I read most of the remaining short stories during my vacation this week. One thing that got old real fast is that every single short story recounts everything we already saw in the movie. Every single short story mentions Luke and Obi-Wan strolling into the cantina, the bartender telling Luke to take the droids outside, Obi-Wan cutting off Walrus Man's arm, and Han shooting Greedo.

Also, hey, here's a spoiler. Wuher (the bartender) ground up Greedo after his death and used his pheremones to create the ultimate Cantina drink. Then he cut off Greedo's head and hung it on the wall in his basement. There's some trivia I'll be you didn't know.
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Re: Tales from Jabba's Palace

Post by Flack » Sun Mar 31, 2019 6:53 am

I finished the Mos Eisley book. A couple of the stories are surprisingly bad. A couple are just weird (the story about Lak "the werewolf" Sivrak and Dice "the bloody worm" Ibegon falling in love and jumping backwards and forwards through time to assist the rebellion is a little... "out there"). Three of the short stories connect directly. There's one about a Jawa, who smuggles a blaster into Mos Eisley, attempts to shoot a batallion of Stormtroopers, and gets killed; the second story is about a guy involved in a trade with the Jawa who sabotages his plans without knowing them; the third story is about a Stormtrooper who, on the way to work one day, watches his co-workers blast a Jawa. (And again, every one of these stories features a recounting of the events we see unfold in the movie. ("And then a golden protocol droid entered the cantina...")

A couple of the stories are downright silly, one of which is the tale of Dr. Evazan and Ponda Baba (Pig Nose and Walrus Man). Both survived their encounter with Obi Wan in the Cantina, and now the mad doctor has invented one of those silly brain-swapping machines (complete with metal bowls attached to wires!) that will swap the brain of one person into another person's body. The pig-faced doctor wants to use his machine to escape his disfigured face, while Walrus Man just wants, you know, two arms. WHAT WILL HAPPEN.

Next up is Tales from Jabba's Palace, followed by the third book in the unofficial trilogy, Tales of the Bounty Hunters.
"Jack Flack always escapes." -Davey Osborne

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Re: Tales from Jabba's Palace

Post by Casual Observer » Mon Apr 08, 2019 11:25 pm

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:
Sun Feb 03, 2019 8:07 pm
Ah, I was watching an episode of Discovery and I botched the line. I botched it!
Ugh, signed up for yet another fucking streaming service for Discovery. I started to look for torrents and then thought to sign up for newsfeeds again but fuck it, it's not quite $10 a month. The plan is to watch both seasons in the free first month then be done with it. Made it to S01E05, so far they've gone with battlestar galactica type serial episodes, heavy on action and stupid banter between Michael and the fat ginger chick. And episode 5 had way too much gay conversation at the bathroom sink.

Gonna try Jordan Peel's Twilight Zone while I have this service too though.

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Re: Tales from Jabba's Palace

Post by Casual Observer » Tue Apr 09, 2019 12:10 am

One more thing, I say casting Dwight as Harry Mudd was genius.

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Re: Tales from Jabba's Palace

Post by RealNC » Thu Apr 11, 2019 5:25 am

This is what I ate two times already this week, and it's only Thursday:

Image

Godfuckindammit.

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