Elves (1989)

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Flack
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Elves (1989)

Post by Flack »

When Kirsten and her friends wander into a nearby forest to forge an anti-Christmas pact, one of them accidentally cuts themselves on a piece of broken glass and drips blood onto the ground, magically birthing a demonic troll. Er, elf.

Unaware of the elf's existence, Kirsten and her friends return to their jobs at the local mall. There they meet Mike (Dan "Gentle Ben" Haggerty), an ex-cop who lost his job due to his hard drinking ways. Mike is the mall's new security guard, but takes over as the mall Santa when the evil elf randomly shows up and chops Santa's balls off.

But that's not all the elf is up to. He shows up at Kirsten's house and attempts to strangle her brother, and also attacks the girls while they are partying inside the mall overnight. Mike the Security Guard witnesses the elf's attack, and decides to get to the bottom of things.

After forcing his way into his shrink's home on Christmas Eve, Mike learns that the elf is part of the Nazis' plans to form the Fourth Reich after it breeds with the chosen one, which of course is Kirsten.

Oh, and Kirsten's weird Nazi grandfather also turns out to be her dad.

In a final showdown, the evil elf wounds Mike and runs off to the forest. Kirsten is attacked by the Nazis, although she eventually realizes the Nazis are trying to protect her so that she can breed with the evil elf. But then the evil elf somehow gets a gun and shoots the Nazi. Then it looks like Kirsten is going to make out with the elf but instead she shouts "die you little maggot" and attempts to stab him.

Does the elf die? Does Mike survive? Why is this film called Elves when there's only one elf in it?

There's only one way to find out!

"I failed a savings throw and now I am back."

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AArdvark
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Re: Elves (1989)

Post by AArdvark »

Does this mean the return of Multiple Sadness?

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Flack
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Re: Elves (1989)

Post by Flack »

This movie is definitely worthy of the show.
"I failed a savings throw and now I am back."

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