Ben's Workplace Hot Sauce Collection

Funny threads throughout the site's history.

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Ice Cream Jonsey
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Post by Ice Cream Jonsey » Mon Oct 09, 2006 6:46 pm

Yeah, I moved to Fort Collins, CO in 1998 from Western New York and have descended to more southernly cities twice now. Well, none of them are actually cities, more like hamlets. Or villages. You can just do what I do and call them all "Cowhump, Colorado" and be assured that the mailman will understand and return with fingerguns.
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Post by pinback » Mon Oct 09, 2006 7:15 pm

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:Ohhhh! They RECOGNIZE!!!
Recognize this:

Image
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Vitriola

Post by Vitriola » Mon Oct 09, 2006 7:47 pm

Ohmygod was that hot sauce good.

Wow. I ate it on everything, and even the cheesy taters were BETTER. I didn't think you could make box potatoes better.

BLAIR'S 2007

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Post by pinback » Mon Oct 09, 2006 7:59 pm

Today I made FAKE BLAIR'S AFTER DEATH WINGS!

Recipe:

1. Week old store-bought pre-cooked "hot wings".
2. Half bottle of After Death.
3. Half stick of butter.

Heat up and mix together in a pan!

Review: Best wings ever! Edible, which I would normally call a downside, but I'll wait until SUDDEN DEATH wings before I go for inedible. The perfect way to turn stale crappy dried-out store-bought wings into a steamy culinary delight!

BLAIRCAST 2K7!!
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Post by pinback » Mon Oct 09, 2006 8:10 pm

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:
I don't have a Scoville rating for it, however.
Where would you estimate it?
Oh, I don't know. Somewhere in the 6,000-8,000 range?

Anyone find any more info on this?
I want to burn my face off and lap up the results.
You can have a nice hot sauce career staying just in the Blair family. Granted, you won't get a variety of flavor, because by the time they start messing with the ingredients, they're so hot you can't taste anything but extract anyway. But, your next step is After Death. I've spoken about it before in this very thread.

Once you can dribble After Death on a taco and not wish you hadn't afterwards, you have joined the H337 31337.

But go slow. The first time I had After Death was actually several years ago, took a tiny taste, and threw the bottle away.
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Post by bruce » Mon Oct 09, 2006 8:31 pm

hygraed wrote:You're in Colorado? For some bizarre reason I thought you lived in Canada.
That's me.

But only part of the year.

Also, according to http://www.chilefarm.co.uk/blairs_origi ... sauce.html Blair's Original Death is 30,000 Scoville units.

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Post by pinback » Mon Oct 09, 2006 8:35 pm

bruce wrote:Also, according to http://www.chilefarm.co.uk/blairs_origi ... sauce.html Blair's Original Death is 30,000 Scoville units.
No chance. I don't blame you, Bruce, a lot of these sites have wacked out numbers.

Just, you know... No chance.
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Post by bruce » Mon Oct 09, 2006 8:41 pm

pinback wrote:
Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:Ohhhh! They RECOGNIZE!!!
Recognize this:

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HOLY FUCK 6 AM SPECIAL RESERVE? THAT SHIT IS LIKE $200 A BOTTLE!

Bruce

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Post by pinback » Mon Oct 09, 2006 8:45 pm

bruce wrote:HOLY FUCK 6 AM SPECIAL RESERVE? THAT SHIT IS LIKE $200 A BOTTLE!
3 AM. Personalized. $40.

6 AM you gotta get on Ebay. I've seen 'em for $1500 and up.
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Post by Ice Cream Jonsey » Mon Oct 09, 2006 11:40 pm

Vitriola wrote:Ohmygod was that hot sauce good.
Yes, absolutely. It was fucking awesome. I'm taking it to work tomorrow. I have no idea what I am going to get for lunch but I can assure you all this: it will be DRAPED in Blair's Death Goop.

And I put the skull thing on my keychain. I know that's the act of a hot sauce nerd. It's like, how did Worm put it, an ecolocation device for people with the tongue of a 12 year old. But I don't care. That sauce was probably a thousand times better than the typical hot sauce I see at restaurants, the likes of which I frequent. It was also a thousand times more expensive than those sauces, but I don't care. I'm ordering at least one other bottle when we suck this one dry.

Is there a sauce in between the one I have now and the one that will cause my liver melt and seep through my pores? Is there like an "intermediate" one? I can't honestly justify another hot sauce purchase this month, but come November 1st I'm sure I'll be looking again. Again!
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Post by pinback » Tue Oct 10, 2006 9:53 am

With a good mixture of flavor, heat, and availability, I would recommend the MARIE SHARP'S line for your next step. Particularly, the "BEWARE" or "NO WIMPS ALLOWED" varieties, which are as hot as they go, but still have no extract, so it's still quite edible, and have a good mix of garlic and herbs and spices for a lovely flavor.

You can find these at stores sometimes, being relatively widely available. Not, like, grocery stores, but specialty food shops.

The afore-reviewed Alberta Crude is also a wonderful choice, but may be harder to find.

At sweatnspice.com, though, the world is your chile pepper, and you can have whatever you want.
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Post by Ice Cream Jonsey » Tue Oct 10, 2006 5:05 pm

I got cocky. And I'm still in pain.

I made Dayna what I called a "Hot Roll." I took a tortilla shell, added some shredded cheese, microwaved it and then threw some of That Ole Blair's Death Sauce on it. (She's not having dinner tonight, and this is the extent of how well I can cook.)

I served it to her and everything seemed fine. I did not microwave the Dead Sauce. I am the Sauce Master.

Anyway, I took a swig from the bottle while I was making some Crystal Light. WHAT THE AAARRGGGHHHH! I thought I was "all set" with this stuff - that it couldn't hurt me.

I obviously thought wrong.

They say liquids like water and I presume water + nutrasweet won't help. What on earth does? I'll put anything inside my face right now to stop the burning. Someone please help me.
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Post by pinback » Tue Oct 10, 2006 5:14 pm

Milk, yogurt, cheese, anything dairy.

And vodka.
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Draal

Post by Draal » Tue Oct 10, 2006 5:29 pm

Hot sauce (including capsacion) is fat soluable (milk, cheese, anything with fat); replace vodka with "paint thinner" or toe nail polish, as it works on the same principle, disolving the sauce from ones throat (Ethanol? Just the alcholol). If desperate, swallow mouth wash (this is ethanol: toxicant added to alcholol to preclude its use as a drink).

Water will merely swish it around.

All of this information can be found anywhere on the internet (or if your a ten year old having peppers rubbed on your lips for pointing out the obvious to your mother, trial and error).
Last edited by Draal on Tue Oct 10, 2006 5:38 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Draal

Post by Draal » Tue Oct 10, 2006 5:34 pm

Around 14, I discovered my grandfathers collection of hot sauces and over a summer, steadily built a resistance.

Began with eating chunks of wasabi, then tobasco, then other substances (remember soaking wasabi overnight in a lousiana sauce). My tolerance was around 4 million scoville units when school finally began.

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Post by Ice Cream Jonsey » Tue Oct 10, 2006 5:35 pm

Draal wrote:(or if your a ten year old having peppers rubbed on your lips for pointing out the obvious to your mother, trial and error).
NO YOUR ARE
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Post by pinback » Tue Oct 10, 2006 7:03 pm

Draal wrote:Around 14, I discovered my grandfathers collection of hot sauces and over a summer, steadily built a resistance.

Began with eating chunks of wasabi, then tobasco, then other substances (remember soaking wasabi overnight in a lousiana sauce). My tolerance was around 4 million scoville units when school finally began.
What sauce did you have around that was 4 million Scovilles, LIAR?

I'm just curious, LIAR, because your story was very interesting to me. LIAR.

Also, wasabi is not "hot" in the Scoville sense.

Another LIE.

LIAR.
Above all else... We shall go on... And continue!

Draal

Post by Draal » Tue Oct 10, 2006 7:35 pm

I was most likely unsure when I wrote it down. All I remember is a white substance suspended in a glass jar, that came in a little coffin.

Wasabi? I don't know. Just had an inkling for it.

Also found this...


Jane entered Amy's cell, where Amy was strapped to a wheelchair in a straightjacket, and said , "Hi Amy, are you going to tell me where you got your Draconian Katra device from?"

"No."

Jane pulled a bottle and a syringe and started drawing the fluid into the syringe saying "cool."

"Is that supposed to scare me?" asked Amy.

"Nope, it's supposed to hurt you." Jane then put the bottle back in her pocket and pulled an alcohol wipe, removing it from it's packet, she wiped a spot on Amy's neck, and pushed the air out of the syringe before pushing it into Amy's neck.

Amy felt the fluid burn her flesh and waited for Jane to say something.

"Do you know what capsaicin is?"

Amy thought and said "no."

"It is the irritating compound found in chilies, trace amounts make your mouth feel like it's holding molten iron, and I'm about to inject several cubic centimeters of the stuff into your carotid artery, it'll make your blood taste like hot sauce I imagine, might just have a taste."

Amy couldn't think of anything that could convince Jane not to do this.

Jane nudged the plunger forward enough to warm up Amy's brain slightly.

"That's abouuuuuut...a drop? ... I go any further, it could be ages before your system gets it off the nerves lining your cardiovascular system, hours upon hours of pain."

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Post by pinback » Tue Oct 10, 2006 8:13 pm

I dunno what the fuck you are talking about, but the amount of 4+ million sauces available is about zero, except for 5 AM and 6 AM reserves, and pure capsaicin flake, none of which are available for less than about $200 a bottle.

So tell me where you got your 4 million Scovilles, LIAR, and tell me what you mean by "tolerate", LIAR.

I can tolerate 15 million pure flake in the sense that I won't die from it.

LIAR.

I'd get into this further with you, but you'd probably quit the thread and demand that your account be deleted.
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Post by pinback » Tue Oct 10, 2006 9:01 pm

BTW, in case my mini-review of Marie Sharp's sauce didn't entice you, here is a picture of Marie Sharp herself:

Image

Also, there is an interview with her on hotsauceblog right about here, but the most interesting thing is that apparently WalMart is selling it.

I don't know if that's true, and I wouldn't recommend anyone shop at WalMart, but if you happen to pass by one, and you find some Marie Sharp's, well... go ahead and get that shit.

It's the good shit.
Above all else... We shall go on... And continue!

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