A haunting memory from the past comes back today.

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Mother nature-

Softglow of the monitor is enough for me!
5
29%
is a bitch goddess
6
35%
Is aces
6
35%
 
Total votes: 17

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Knuckles the CLown
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A haunting memory from the past comes back today.

Post by Knuckles the CLown » Thu Dec 30, 2004 8:31 pm

Apparently a wall of water dumped on a large number of people in the Indonesia region, giving millions of people their first baths in months. Unfortunately the sight of clean fingernails caused about 120,00 people to perish. No, there won't be any jokes about Bush blaming this on Iran, although I think he should. All of that goddamned oil drilling probably caused a shift in the tectonic plate. If he were to use that as a basis for war against another axis of evil, well, good enough for me.

No, the tragedy runs deeper. When I was but a boy I remember taking what was called social studies. I always liked the way they named classes. Some schools called it Geography. Some schools called math- Arithmetic and some schools called English.. Language Arts. No matter how they dressed anything up you knew you were going to be lugging a shitty textbook around for the next 8 to 9 months.

In my Social Studies textbook, I remember that the sons of bitches that made it had the audacity to predict the world population for the year 2060. The graph looked something like this.

http://www.gumption.org/1993/memo/landm ... lation.gif

Notice the disturbing trend. Everything is fine and dandy for a hundred thousand years and then all of a sudden the thing erects itself like one of you looking at naked pictures of Lieutenant Uhura.

Well Bullshit I always said. How the fuck does some idiot publishing company think they have the right to pretend they know how many people are going to be around in 50 years. Take this unfortunate event called Tsunami, or as I call it natures -Level 3 population control. People breed in Southeast Asia like the women are attractive or something. Everyone knows that if you are attractive and female in SE Asia the following precautions are taken.

1. Violently taken from your home at the age of 12.
2. Reproductive organs removed with crude tools
3. Sold to a brothel
4. Have sex with foreign businessmen for the next 20 years.
5. Reunited with family on 60 minutes
6. Killed in natural disaster.

If you are a promising young male
1. Violently taken from your home at the age of 12
2. Reproductive organs removed and ground into powder for "herbal supplement"
3. Sold to a brothel
4. Have sex with middle age men for 5 years
5. Go to work for Tech Company in U.S.

The rest of the people are left sitting around breeding and making small toys and appliances. They also have kids at the rate of 1 per when the stitches come off.

Which brings me to my point. With world population growing rampant, and the thought of some hippy social studies book writer being right, nature steps in. Nature takes small steps like taking over the mind of 20 Saudi's and forcing them to crash airplanes into buildings. It takes medium steps like creating diseases like AIDS and whooping cough. And then once in a while it says "fuck it" and forces the water (the deadliest force in nature's abundant repitoire) to rise up and wipe out hundreds of thousands.
In review
Level 1- Nature controls human minds for dasterdly deeds
Level 2- Diseases, animal exctintion, the slow death
Level 3 Natural Disasters in highly populated poor countries
Level 4- natures Level 4 population control is called "Global Killer" THIS GUY gets a phone call
http://marvelite.prohosting.com/surfer/ ... ofile.html

Discuss!
Last edited by Knuckles the CLown on Thu Dec 30, 2004 11:09 pm, edited 13 times in total.
the last group complained, quite tellingly They said, "Why don't you have a spoon that just says 'Earth?' It would save time

Debaser
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Post by Debaser » Thu Dec 30, 2004 8:37 pm

This... is pretty good.

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AArdvark
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Post by AArdvark » Thu Dec 30, 2004 9:12 pm

Remember the constructive critisism I gave you? Acidic sourpuss humor and all? Well I take it all back. That was funny as anything. Too bad it had to be a full scale natural disaster to spark teh funny. Imagine what you could comment on if it was WWIII. Probably get a writing job for Seinfeld or something.



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Magma

Re: A haunting memory from the past comes back today.

Post by Magma » Thu Dec 30, 2004 11:11 pm

Knuckles the CLown wrote:water (the deadliest force in nature's abundant repitoire)
-sigh-

Supernova

Re: A haunting memory from the past comes back today.

Post by Supernova » Thu Dec 30, 2004 11:39 pm

Knuckles the CLown wrote:water (the deadliest force in nature's abundant repitoire)
Blow me.

Galaxy-sized Black Hole

Re: A haunting memory from the past comes back today.

Post by Galaxy-sized Black Hole » Thu Dec 30, 2004 11:40 pm

Knuckles the CLown wrote:water (the deadliest force in nature's abundant repitoire)
Suck me. Or vice versa.

Proton Decay

Re: A haunting memory from the past comes back today.

Post by Proton Decay » Thu Dec 30, 2004 11:41 pm

Knuckles the CLown wrote:water (the deadliest force in nature's abundant repitoire)
I'll be waiting for you.

Decay of the False Vacuum

Re: A haunting memory from the past comes back today.

Post by Decay of the False Vacuum » Thu Dec 30, 2004 11:44 pm

Knuckles the CLown wrote:water (the deadliest force in nature's abundant repitoire)
[quote="Supernova, Galaxy-Sized Black Hole, and Proton Decay]blah, blah, blah[/quote]

All of you pathetic wankers can just bite me.

Decay of the False Vacuum

Re: A haunting memory from the past comes back today.

Post by Decay of the False Vacuum » Thu Dec 30, 2004 11:46 pm

Decay of the False Vacuum wrote:
Knuckles the CLown wrote:water (the deadliest force in nature's abundant repitoire)
Supernova, Galaxy-Sized Black Hole, and Proton Decay wrote:blah, blah, blah
All of you pathetic wankers can just bite me.
There. That's what I meant. Stupid fucking quotation marks. You're ON MY LIST. Well, so's the rest of the space-time continuum. But ESPECIALLY the quotation marks.

Decay of the False Vacuum

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Knuckles the CLown
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Post by Knuckles the CLown » Thu Dec 30, 2004 11:49 pm

You dumb bastard. You've ruined my thread.
the last group complained, quite tellingly They said, "Why don't you have a spoon that just says 'Earth?' It would save time

Worm
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Post by Worm » Fri Dec 31, 2004 2:05 pm

Yes they did. I think the real problem is, loads of people I don't know die, and I'm expected to give enough of a shit to talk about it.
Good point Bobby!

Town Drunk

Post by Town Drunk » Fri Dec 31, 2004 2:12 pm

Worm wrote: loads of people I don't know die, and I'm expected to give enough of a shit to talk about it.
But yet, people are supposed to give enough of a shit about what happened to your brother to not drink and drive. Fucking hypocrite!

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Knuckles the CLown
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Post by Knuckles the CLown » Fri Dec 31, 2004 3:21 pm

Drunk Driving incidents are funny. I could put Vick's vapo rub on my neck and plow through 5 black kids at a school crossing. Society would deem it up as a Drinking and Driving death since the 2nd ingrediant in Vick's is Menthol which ends in h-o-l. When in fact is should more accuratley be labeled as a hate crime.

You could also drink 3 beers, stop at a red light and get plowed from behind by some dumb bitch and it would be called alchohol related. DRINKING AND DRIVING- OMG SHUDDER, GASP, HOW COULD SOMEONE DO THAT!!!! I guess that means it time for my tolerance idea.

When you go get your license you take a road course. You should then be allowed to drink and take the road course until you cannot pass it. A breathalyzer should then be administered. Whatever level you first fail at should be put on your license as to what you could leagally drive at. I am positive I could effectively operate a motor vehicle at at least a .16 .
the last group complained, quite tellingly They said, "Why don't you have a spoon that just says 'Earth?' It would save time

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Post by Casual Observer » Fri Dec 31, 2004 3:28 pm

Knuckles the CLown wrote:some funny shit
Now, that was fucking funny. Good job clown!

Worm
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Post by Worm » Fri Dec 31, 2004 3:36 pm

Town Drunk wrote:
Worm wrote: loads of people I don't know die, and I'm expected to give enough of a shit to talk about it.
But yet, people are supposed to give enough of a shit about what happened to your brother to not drink and drive. Fucking hypocrite!
Haha, people are both posting on Groucho and JoltCountry and promoting bleed-over. Can you even wait until Caltrops gets in on this so we can have a big fucking threeway of shit?

Anyway, I don't blame you for not giving a shit about my brother, I used him as a demgougic example in that argument because I was pissed off. Either you paged through the thread enough so you could learn about me, or your were spoonfed my points on Groucho originally, you dumb motherfucker.
Good point Bobby!

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AArdvark
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Post by AArdvark » Fri Dec 31, 2004 8:59 pm

I guess drunk driving is the deadliest force of nature...or so it would seem.







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Knuckles the CLown
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Post by Knuckles the CLown » Fri Dec 31, 2004 10:13 pm

That's what the worthless cunts at MADD would have you beleive. But have no fear, our own President was victim of our gay Drunk Driving laws. If he takes care of all of his loose ends there like everything else, we as citizens will probably get tax breaks for our drunk driving skills. HOORAY BEER!
the last group complained, quite tellingly They said, "Why don't you have a spoon that just says 'Earth?' It would save time

Lysander
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Post by Lysander » Mon Jan 03, 2005 11:17 pm

I hate to cut into your pathos here KnUCklEs, but 120000 people doesn't make much of a dent in about 6 and a third billion of them.
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Knuckles the CLown
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Post by Knuckles the CLown » Mon Jan 03, 2005 11:30 pm

120,000 people
Those people fuck and reproduce like mad. Over the course
of 40 years or 3 generations (over there they have babies at first ovulation), how many new babies is that? Do the math and see the big picture, you two hours of daylight freak.

You see I'm talking about this bold prediction of 60 billion people being around in 40 years. YOu can't exactly have a natural disater that wipes out 56 billion people yet. There aren't THAT MANY here! But if nature destorys 120,000 now, well that's a lot of sexual organs destroyed. I think cause and effect plays a role here too!
the last group complained, quite tellingly They said, "Why don't you have a spoon that just says 'Earth?' It would save time

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Knuckles the CLown
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Post by Knuckles the CLown » Mon Jan 03, 2005 11:32 pm

Lysander wrote:I hate to cut into your pathos here KnUCklEs, but 120000 people doesn't make much of a dent in about 6 and a third billion of them.
I don't do well or understand words like "pathos". If you want to speak latin please go here-

www.rickymartin.com/
the last group complained, quite tellingly They said, "Why don't you have a spoon that just says 'Earth?' It would save time

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