Adventures the "Safe Way," HUGGLES!!!

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Ice Cream Jonsey
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Adventures the "Safe Way," HUGGLES!!!

Post by Ice Cream Jonsey » Mon Sep 01, 2003 7:02 pm

I swore off pizza last month because it's just not good out here. Colordoans can make beer. That they can make. And they can certainly make mexican food: before I came out here, I hated Mexican food. After being out here for five years, I now only hate Mexicans.

Ah! Ah! Ah! Kidding.

Anyway, they can't do pizza right, so I swore it off. And except for the "League of Extraordinary Chuds" football draft party, I've been doing well.

Today, though, a little something different. I went across the street to the Safeway in order to get a couple "chicken tenders." After obtaining these items, I saw out on the deli shelf a single slice of pizza that looked like it had been under a bit of extreme heat since the Salem Witch Trials. It retailed for $0.99.

"Hm," thought I, "if I purchase this miserable thing and try to eat it, it will probably re-affirm my position that I am doing the right thing by swearing off this food that is, in New York, a bit of a delicacy."

So I bought it. I took it home, and unwrapped it. We stared at each other for a long time. I decided to quote "Manbot" from the game 'Freedom Force,' but to my surprise, the pizza spoke first.

"I'm sorry I have to do this!" it exclaimed.

The slice spoke with a high British accent! It was intelligent! "Why, you can do magic!" I said. "You can have anything that you desire," I informed it. Relieved, the pizza sighed.

The slice began to relate to me its exciting story of gaining sentience and escaping captivity when I suddenly took two quick bites out of it, spit it out into the garbage in disgust, and then crammed the entire thing screaming down my garbage disposal.

I learned a great deal about Rocky Mountain Pizza today, and the miracle that is life. However, I think that ultimately Rocky Mountain Pizza and the miracle of life learned a great deal more about me.
the dark and gritty...Ice Cream Jonsey!

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Post by gsdgsd » Mon Sep 01, 2003 7:10 pm

This made me shriek with laughter. I'm afraid I couldn't live up to it if I tried, so I'll just kill the comedy stone-cold dead and say "Try Jolino's Pizza on Arapahoe Avenue in Boulder."

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Post by Ice Cream Jonsey » Mon Sep 01, 2003 7:16 pm

OK. Boulder isn't too far away. Closer to it ev-er-y day. No matter what your friends say, I know I'm gonna find a way.

BOULDER!

Yeah-ah-ee-eee-ah-a-ha.

BOULDER!
the dark and gritty...Ice Cream Jonsey!

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Re: Adventures the "Safe Way," HUGGLES!!!

Post by Debaser » Mon Sep 01, 2003 8:13 pm

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:I learned a great deal about Rocky Mountain Pizza today, and the miracle that is life. However, I think that ultimately Rocky Mountain Pizza and the miracle of life learned a great deal more about me.
How can so much genius be contained in a single man? I really hope some bout of humilty doesn't prevent you from chucking this into "Best Of" when the time comes.

That's one great thing about Chicago, even out here in the wasteland there are good pizza places everywhere.

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Post by pinback » Mon Sep 01, 2003 8:49 pm

I don't <i>shriek</i> with laughter.

I don't <i>shriek</i> with <i>anything</i>.



(I did, however, LORELL.)

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Post by gsdgsd » Mon Sep 01, 2003 8:58 pm

pinback wrote:I don't <i>shriek</i> with laughter.
I'm secure enough in my masculinity that I can occasionally let out a shriek. I'm not troubled.

Greg

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Post by AArdvark » Tue Sep 02, 2003 3:27 am

Ah-HA!! No wonder pizza is terrible in Colorodo. Pizza that talks with a British accent should surely be reminiscient of fish and chips, not a good pizza flavor. You need to find pizza that talks with an Itilian accent, THEN you have pizza worth eating.

Look for the pizza that waves it's arms a lot and drives like shit, thats a dead giveaway.
(surely you understand that pizza that talks at all should not be consumed.)


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Post by AArdvark » Tue Sep 02, 2003 5:20 pm

That's it. It's just it. I have to make a long winded, silly reply to myself because nobody else was able to pick up this load of crap and run with it....


Most slices of pizza that I know of drive like shit. And I knew quite a lot. I remember the one time I placed a slice of pepperoni, mushroom and onion on the driver's seat of my K-car. I then started the car and shifted it into gear. The car rolled slowly away with me in the passenger seat, giving directions to the slice of pizza...

"OK, turn here....."

"left would be a good thing now.."

"Left! Turn LEFFFT!"

We thumped a good one into the back of the apartment building where I was living at the time. ..

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Post by Lex » Wed Sep 03, 2003 3:23 pm

Funnily enough, this is true of bricks also.

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Post by AArdvark » Thu Sep 11, 2003 5:32 pm

I apologise for not leaving a signoff on that last post. My wife was looking at me VERY strangely. I had to reboot..



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