Love hurts... (extremely long rant involved)

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BLUE

Love hurts... (extremely long rant involved)

Post by BLUE » Thu Jul 10, 2003 8:43 am

Regarding a certain unnamed person:

I have been trying very hard to not let myself get depressed. For some reason today the situation is getting to me. I feel exceptionally worthless and unattractive at this point. I must be karmatically challenged because it seems like everything I do in this lifetime goes wrong. I tried and was very unsucessful in my relationship with the nameless person. The first part of the relationship was great I was convinced that I had found my soulmate. The sex was exceptional and then I got pregnant. After attempting to convince the nameless person that having a child was a big responsibilty he cried when I wanted to have an abortion. this was the only time I have ever in the 5 years of knowing this person that he ever cried. So I kept the child and the hormones kicked in.... and pregnant Blue was extremely evil. That is where our relationship went wrong. After the baby the said individual broke up with me. during our six months apart he slept with at least 6 different people including someone off of a swingers site... I lived in a house full of lesbians and remained celebant. We got back together and tried to work things out. Things went ok until he got into a car accident. After his head injury the domestic violence level in our relationship rose dramatically on both sides. I worked for a full year while he didn't and I paid ALL of the bills including rent by myself. We made a deal when I was pregnant that he would go to college first and I would go afterward even with me being 3 years older than him I let him go first. Now it is my turn to go in September and there is no way I can go to school/ work full time/ and take care of a 2 year old. I got him ajob at my old company and even though he worked for this past year part time I still ended up paying all of the bills due to his substance abuse problems. Speaking of which I haven't seen this person spend a single day completely sober in at least two years. I am completely sober. He has totalled 3
cars(all of which I purchased for him) and he always refused to pick me up or give me a ride anywhere. He hasn't been faithful... he made a porno with his friends girlfriend (which I had no problem with) and we have had 2 threesomes (Shelly and Jaime.) Earlier this year I found out that my (ex) bestfriend Marcie gave him head while she was drunk. I stayed friends with her because she was important to me and I continued to stay with him. He has only had sex with me less than ten times in the past year because he has been bust with Marcie ever since. I later found out that he had been sleeping with her every chance that he got for several months. At this point I refused to tocuh him because I know several other people who Marcie has slept with. She is a pretty big slut. Then things got really bad after that. I got sick of playing mother to him and spending 2 hours per day cleaning up after him and his friends (spilled beer and bottles all over the floor/ dishes everywhere) so I decided to go on strike. that really pissed him off. The sad part is that I could look at him after all of this and still see the things that I liked about him. He decided to give me the "why don't you and the baby move seperately from me and we can still have a relationship but live apart" speech... and I accepted. This person writes me and email and tells me that I am special on Wendesday... later that night I talk to Marcie. Our conversation went like this:

Blue "Have you seen BLANK Lately?"
Marcie "I saw him Thursday"
Blue" Oh that's the day I moved out, he was watching the baby for me."
Marcie: "He dropped the baby off at your mom's and came over here."
Blue: "Oh, did you have sex with him?"
Marcie: " I am not going to lie anymore because I want to be with him... yes we did."
Blue hangs up
Blue talks to {insert name here} and he denies it...

So I would just like to give a great big thank you to Mr. {Insert name here}!

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR RIPPING MY HEART OUT OF MY CHEST AND STOMPING ON IT!

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Post by pinback » Thu Jul 10, 2003 8:48 am

That was a heartwrenching story, Blue. Thank you for sharing that.

Here is my overall impression of the story, though:

The title of the post was "love hurts", but all I seemed to be reading about was a bunch of sex. Where (and more importantly, why) exactly is the love, here?

BLUE

Post by BLUE » Thu Jul 10, 2003 8:50 am

The title of the post was "love hurts", but all I seemed to be reading about was a bunch of sex. Where exactly is the love, here?
I guess I didn't want to get any deeper into that side of the story because I am at work and I didn't want to cry...

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Post by pinback » Thu Jul 10, 2003 8:51 am

Understood. But from what it sounds like, nobody involved in this story, including the unnamed person, seemed to have any love going on at all. Except perhaps your love for the unnamed person.

Which naturally leads to the question of, what the hell is to love?

BLUE

Post by BLUE » Thu Jul 10, 2003 8:57 am

Understood. But from what it sounds like, nobody involved in this story, including the unnamed person, seemed to have any love going on at all. Except perhaps your love for the unnamed person.
this is probably true ... I am under the impression that it become very one sided.
Which naturally leads to the question of, what the hell is to love?
There big things in the beggining that I loved which dwindled to small things in the end...

The story itsself is a bitchy rant from a pessimistic point of view.

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Post by pinback » Thu Jul 10, 2003 9:00 am

Here at Citizen Kane of Nod, we enjoy and encourage bitchy rants!

And I'm becoming all-too-familiar with the dangerous mixture of paradise and nightmare that is the one-sided loving relationship. The only escapes are either to get out of it (which you have done, and which you should be applauded for) or come to grips with it and take from the relationship what you can.

Me, I'm about halfway in between. But it's early yet.

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Post by Violet » Thu Jul 10, 2003 9:58 am

Thank God, I've never been in love. Though loneliness is a bitch it sounds like all you get from love is a lot of pain. You care about a person and they step on your heart, crushing it into oblivion. Makes being alone sound like winning the lottery.
The End

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Post by pinback » Thu Jul 10, 2003 10:09 am

When it is good, it is (in my humble opinion) the best thing there is.

And it can be good. Rare, but it's possible.

BLUE

Post by BLUE » Thu Jul 10, 2003 10:12 am

No more love for me ever ... kthx

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Post by pinback » Thu Jul 10, 2003 10:20 am

Come now, Blue! Don't say that! You're young yet, and have a lot more love to give and receive!

You fell off this particular horse, but you know what to do when that happens: Climb right back on!

BLUE

Post by BLUE » Thu Jul 10, 2003 10:22 am

What if I would rather walk?

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Post by pinback » Thu Jul 10, 2003 10:29 am

Well, you're certainly welcome to walk, but just remember, the horse can take you places that the walking trail doesn't go.

And those are the very best places.

BLUE

Post by BLUE » Thu Jul 10, 2003 10:41 am

I honestly believe that emotional detachment from the rest of the world breeds true happiness. We are transient beings and everything is temporary. Loss of love or persons that you love from death or seperation is the most painful feeling in life. No love equals no sorrow.

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Post by pinback » Thu Jul 10, 2003 10:45 am

BLUE wrote:No love equals no sorrow.
Well, but then again, so does death.

So, while you're alive, I think it's a good idea to try to experience the good things, rather than simply not experiencing the bad things. And love, like it or not, is one of, if not the best thing going. Don't shut yourself off from it!

You're hurting now, but time will heal that wound.

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Post by Lysander » Thu Jul 10, 2003 12:07 pm

Blue, if you think that appathetic acceptance of everything around you is the way to go, then please do yourself a favor and (1) read 1984, (2) read Fahrenheit 451, and (3) put a bullet between your eyes if you still think that its a good idea. As said in The World Is Not Enough: there's no point in living if you can't feel alive. Regarding the annonamous person (and by piecing together a few "clues" on other places around the BBS, I think I know who you're talking about), I'm sure that he has his side of the story and all, but from your version of it he seems like very much teh asshole. In this case, my recomendation to you is this: hire a hitman. Closure, ba-by.
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Post by pinback » Thu Jul 10, 2003 12:21 pm

REQUEST TO SYSOP:

If you receive a request to remove the initial post in this thread, I request that first you split it off into a separate thread, and then delete that thread.

The discussion taking place in response to that thread is anonymous, and also interesting, and I'd hate for it to go away.

Perhaps that's what you intended in the first place, in which case OOPS NEVER MIND LOL.
Above all else... We shall go on... And continue!

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Post by Ice Cream Jonsey » Thu Jul 10, 2003 12:30 pm

pinback wrote:REQUEST TO SYSOP:

If you receive a request to remove the initial post in this thread, I request that first you split it off into a separate thread, and then delete that thread.
Right.

I have not received a request for that, and in fact received a request from the user in question to leave it, which by the way, makes that guy the only one of us in the whole group that doesn't deserve, on a cosmic, karmatic level, a bullet through the back of the brain.
the dark and gritty...Ice Cream Jonsey!

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Post by pinback » Thu Jul 10, 2003 12:57 pm

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:that guy the only one of us in the whole group that doesn't deserve ... a bullet through the back of the brain.
If even a quarter of the stuff that Blue said is true, then I beg to differ.
Above all else... We shall go on... And continue!

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Post by John Cusak, High Fidelity » Thu Jul 10, 2003 1:02 pm

pinback wrote:
Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:that guy the only one of us in the whole group that doesn't deserve ... a bullet through the back of the brain.
If even a quarter of the stuff that Blue said is true, then I beg to differ.
Real quick, write down the five worst things you've ever done. Write them down. Get a piece of paper, and list them.

Be honest. Nobody is going to look at the list except for you.

Did you do it? Are you finished? Great. Read the list to yourself.

Now who's the fucking asshole?

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Post by pinback » Thu Jul 10, 2003 1:10 pm

John Cusak, High Fidelity wrote:Now who's the fucking asshole?
Sure as fuck ain't me, Slappy. By the way, you keep spelling your name wrong on this BBS.
Above all else... We shall go on... And continue!

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