More Commercials

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Debaser
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More Commercials

Post by Debaser » Tue Jun 17, 2003 9:31 pm

You know what commercial I actually like? The one for Helman's "Dippin'" Sauce, where the sauce is purported to be so good that the party goers go through every edible substance in the house just for more hot hot "dippin'" action. And then, at the end, it's subtely implied that, lacking any more pre-processed food to dip, they're going to turn on the family pets after the commercial is over. See, I like this for two reasons:

1. Obviously, if the group is that infatuated with the "dippin'" process, that scrawny little cat and dog pair just ain't going to satisfy. When you get right down to, it, there's only one way that party can end; and that's cannibalism.

2. Consider, for a moment, that we've got ourselves a "Dippin'" Sauce so delicious that it can drive men and women to transform a quiet suburban house party into a horrific Lord of the Flies free-for-all. You have to figure that, if the sauce is that delicious, the dippers aren't skimping on the sauce to food ratio. And yet, somehow, they run out of both the pre-supplied dippable snacks and random cupboard leftovers long, long before they run out of sauce. With that in mind, the inescapable conclusion is that the hosts intentionally purchased a large surplus of Helman's "Dippin'" Sauce, with precisely this grisly turn of events in mind.

Sindog

Post by Sindog » Tue Jun 17, 2003 9:34 pm

Hee hee hee hee hee.

PS, I'm a regular.

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AArdvark
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Post by AArdvark » Wed Jun 18, 2003 2:24 am

So.. nobody can run to the corner store to get more chips? They have to eat the housepets? Commercials blow chunks...



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Worm
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Post by Worm » Wed Jun 18, 2003 7:55 am

I didn't like it either. You always run out of dipping sauce or always run out of stuff to dip. They should pack these things together.
Good point Bobby!

Debaser
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Post by Debaser » Wed Jun 18, 2003 8:14 am

AArdvark wrote:So.. nobody can run to the corner store to get more chips? They have to eat the housepets? Commercials blow chunks...
That is, of course, a standard failing of the genre. People who love a product so much they go to outrageous lengths rather to obtain it, but never seem to realize it's available for purchase.

Here, however, I think you're not understanding just how wonderful this Helman's "Dippin'" sauce really is. Like the Monkey Paw of W. W. Jacob's famous horror story, the sauce is supposed to be wonderful, but only leads to pain and horror. Because the party-goers can't stop. Taking time to visit a convenience store would require an unacceptable delay in the continued "dippin'" process.

After the pets are gone, and after the party-goers have turned on each other in a hellish display of "dippin' fury the last survivor of this orgiastic feeding frenzy will pick clean the bones of his former friends. Once their raw flesh can provide no more meat to supply his unholy "dippin'" urges, the unfortunate shall be forced to turn upon his own extremities. Once those have been consumed then, and only then, will the survivor be forced to drag himself by bloody stubs out the door of the house and to the nearest store in order to acquire more food for "dippin'". But then, in the horrifying finale, he will realize that his transgressions have alienated him fully from the rest of humanity. No one will sell the necessary snack foods to the crazed man-thing before them and, with the nightmarish final realization of just what Helman's "Dippin'" Sauce has transformed him in to, the poor man will expire on the floor of a 7/11.

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Post by Worm » Wed Jun 18, 2003 11:45 am

I think your Helman's "dippin" sauce fan fiction is the better thing.
Good point Bobby!

The Donner's

Post by The Donner's » Mon Aug 04, 2003 10:35 am

You mean we coulda come down of that mountin' fer supplies?

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