Pinback Reviewz the Hot Sauces!

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Pinback Reviewz the Hot Sauces!

Post by pinback » Tue Jun 17, 2003 6:53 pm

It is time now for the first in our eighty-three part series entitled: "Pinback Reviews the Hot Sauces: Or, 'Hoo-ey! What's Dat Sauce What You Put On Ma Eggs?!'"

Now, I see you out there, all confused, weeping to yourself because the world no longer makes sense to you. Let me help! Let me be the soothing butter on your sucking face wound! Let me answer your FREQUENTLY GOING TO BE ASKED QUESTIONS:

Q. Why are you doing this in the "Movies & Sex" base?

A1. Because the rush I get from hot sauces is not unlike that first blush of excitement when the girl sitting next to you who is hopefully not your mother reaches down to change the radio station and rubs up just a bit dangerously close to your person!

A2. Because it's my base, and I'll do whatever the fuck I want in it! All of the other bases suck, besides. I mean, grenade factory accidents? Negro, please!

Q. Why do you like hot sauces?

A. Because I am no queer!

Q. Why did you dec-

A. Hey! Shut the hell up and let me review the goddamn hot sauces already! We've got eighty-two more parts to this series after this one! I don't have all goddamn day to spend on this, you know! I've got to get back to reading about video games that the Sysop promised, but failed, to deliver on the pre-announced date!

Today, Pinback will reviewz these hot sauci:

Image

Sauce 1: Rasta Fire
Subtitle: "Dis Stuff Really Hot Mon"
Heat Level: 2.5 Whimpering maggots (out of 5!)
Description: A highly flavorful blend of habaneros, all varieties of tropical fruits, and Jamaican curry spices, Rasta Fire is a delightful find! Mild enough that even bi-curious people might be able to enjoy it, but hot enough to tantalize the confidently straight, I would dump the chunky, orangey-brownish mixture over everything that you wanted to taste good! For instance, a hooker's tits!

Sauce 2: Xtreme
Subtitle: (None)
Heat Level: 4 Whimpering maggots
Description: Fresh habaneros and garlic come smashing to the forefront with every taste of this fiery, chunky red mixture. The hipflask-shaped bottle adds a touch of whimsy to every serving. If you have ever even considered having gay sex with gay members of your same gay sex, steer well clear of Xtreme!

Sauce 3: Blair's After Death Sauce
Subtitle: "Feel Alive!"
Heat Level: 4.8 Whimpering maggots
Description: This is as close as you can get to the pasty near-pure pepper extract blends like Dave's Insanity without being truly inedible. The unmistakeable whiff of habanero extract lets you know that you're in for it if you get near this. Excruciatingly hot, it will very nearly make you turn homo if you are not a highly experienced hot-sauce taster (and noted stud) such as myself. I ate four chicken wings rubbed with this sauce this very evening, and I very nearly killed my cat in a pain-induced rage. I am not a huge fan of pepper-extract sauces, but I will be happy to keep this around in case some bitch starts spouting shit about how he all bad cuz he can drink Tabasco straight from the bottle. Put down the "red Listerine", pallie, and feel some real heat. Also notable because, like all Blair's sauces, it comes with a free keychain with a skull on it!

This has been "Pinback Reviewz the Hot Sauces Before He Goes and Bangz Some Broad!"

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Post by Ice Cream Jonsey » Wed Jun 18, 2003 1:09 pm

Look, asshole, this shit is really fucking funny. How about you bring some more of it on over? Like rightabouuuuuut... NOW. NOW, goddammit.

I can't do it all myself. Not that I've tried or anything, but still.
the dark and gritty...Ice Cream Jonsey!

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Post by pinback » Wed Jun 18, 2003 1:29 pm

Excuse me. Let me make a few things clear, because they appear to have slipped past you in all the commotion of your game not getting released on time, but:

1. This thread is "Pinback, Who Is Committedly Heterosexual, Reviewz the Hot Sauces", not, "Some Whiny Bitch-Ass Sysop Complains About the Lack of Content."

2. I will reviewz hot sauces as I taste them, and no sooner. And gosh, I would have tastez more of them by now, but I had to do a few other important things since then, including a) sleep, b) go to work, c) not play SUPER JONSEY ADVENTURE IV!!!!

3. My base. Mylanta II.

So, unless you'd like to mail me some new hot sauci for me to reviewz, just cool your jets, sir!
Last edited by pinback on Wed Jun 18, 2003 1:53 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Post by Ice Cream Jonsey » Wed Jun 18, 2003 1:37 pm

The name of that game was supposed to be a secret.

:(
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Post by pinback » Wed Jun 18, 2003 1:56 pm

You mean it's not called SUPER JONSEY ADVENTURE IV??

Wish you'd told me that before I got all these posters printed up.

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Post by Roody_Yogurt » Wed Jun 18, 2003 1:56 pm

yay SUPER JONSEY ADVENTURE IV!!!!

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Post by Ice Cream Jonsey » Wed Jun 18, 2003 1:59 pm

???
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Post by pinback » Wed Jun 18, 2003 2:04 pm

It's unanimous!

The fans can't wait for:

SUPER JONSEY ADVENTURE IV!!!

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Post by Worm » Wed Jun 18, 2003 2:17 pm

I saw the original name but I forgot already.
Good point Bobby!

BATTLE RAPER

Post by BATTLE RAPER » Wed Jun 18, 2003 2:58 pm

SUPER JONES ADVENTURE HOUR FOUR!!!

Herrro? HERRRO!!!!

BATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTRE RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPER!!!

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