Pinback's Three-and-a-Half Second Movie Reviews

Funny threads throughout the site's history.

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Roody_Yogurt
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Post by Roody_Yogurt » Tue Jun 03, 2003 11:51 pm

Yeah, it's really unfortunate if Magnola has ruined you for the other, but it just may do that. So many people on the ifMUD are huge fans of netflix, and many have professed wonderment at how quickly obscure titles become available. I'm definitely going to sign up one of these days, but I've been putting it off because 1) I'm unemployed and watching my spending and 2) I'm usually so terrible about watching movies I rent from the video store that I'm not that confident in myself about what will happen when I have to mail the things back myself.

Ben

Post by Ben » Wed Jun 04, 2003 9:03 pm

Hey Roody, that sure was some neat conversation we had. I was almost sure it would fire the crowd up and get 'em talking.

Then I remembered where I was.

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Ice Cream Jonsey
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Post by Ice Cream Jonsey » Wed Jun 04, 2003 9:34 pm

Here's a comment:

Die.

Also: Haven't seen Magnolia. All indicators point to "probably retarded."

Cheers!
the dark and gritty...Ice Cream Jonsey!

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pinback
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Post by pinback » Wed Jun 04, 2003 9:40 pm

Oh, go fuck yourself. If you're not too busy reading "How to be a decent Sysop before you fucking die... For Dummies". Jesus Christ.

Hey, quick poll here, everybody:

Jonsey wouldn't know a decent movie if it crawled up his:

A. Rectum.
B. Nose.
C. Urethra.
D. Mother.
E. Mother's urethra.

Go ahead, pick whatever you want. Everyone's a winner!

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Ice Cream Jonsey
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Post by Ice Cream Jonsey » Wed Jun 04, 2003 10:05 pm

pinback wrote:Oh, go fuck yourself. If you're not too busy reading "How to be a decent Sysop before you fucking die... For Dummies". Jesus Christ.
Ok... I just picked up that book. I've got it in my hands right now. Hmm.. all right. Yeah. I admit it. You're right. You're correct. I haven't exactly been playing by the book, and I've made several mistakes.

I *was* asleep while your exchange with Roody was going on, you know. I could hardly be expected to rise from my bed and contribute, LOL! Heh.

Flipping through, there is tons of good stuff here. Lots of things I didn't know. As a matter of fact... the first thing it says to do, when running a site, is to get rid of places for people to post things! Hmm! Odd, eh? It also says to use white as a background, because it's soothing. Also, take a common household object and use that as your backdrop. People will really appreciate it!

Next, make the previously constructed content impossible to get to. Make it "hidden" or, I don't know, accessible only if a person types "/test/" at the end of your site's URL.

Lastly, change everything over to look like the site is now the playground of some chunk of gay fruitcake who loves everyone, but loves his meds most of all. Oh, and add an "under construction" line somewhere. They give an example site to pick all this from. Can you guess the URL? LOL!!! I'll just give it to you!!!

http://www.montorusa.com


P.S.: If you could hurry up with the FUCKING OFF and DYING that would be juuuuuuuuuust lovely. Plus, it's actually required of you according to the book in chapter three. Cheers!
the dark and gritty...Ice Cream Jonsey!

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Post by pinback » Wed Jun 04, 2003 10:05 pm

And would you please UNSTICK that stupid fucking "top ten list" thread? It doesn't even bear a passing resemblance to anything anyone would call a "top ten list thread" anymore, and it bears even less of a resemblance to anything anyone would want to have to read at the top of this stupid base.

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Post by pinback » Wed Jun 04, 2003 10:09 pm

That's just beautiful, man. I mean, that is purely classic. You remind me of the Cincinnati Bengals making a case for their team by making fun of the other teams' logos.

Tell you what, I want you to try a little experiment. Just for kicks, you know. Just to maybe have something INTERESTING going on here for once.

Ban yourself. Not forever. Just for like one month. Then put me in charge of everything. You can go ahead and make a backup of the place before you leave, just in case you want things back the way they were when you return. But you won't. Nobody will. And most of them will have forgotten about you. But it'll give you a good opportunity to get out, get some fresh air, maybe learn how to deal with another actual human, and spruce your life right up!

Meanwhile, I can be busy turning this place into a reasonable excuse for a website. I mean, somebody has to, right?

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Ice Cream Jonsey
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Post by Ice Cream Jonsey » Wed Jun 04, 2003 10:10 pm

And would you please UNSTICK that stupid fucking "top ten list" thread? It doesn't even bear a passing resemblance to anything anyone would call a "top ten list thread" anymore, and it bears even less of a resemblance to anything anyone would want to have to read at the top of this stupid base.
No prob! I'll remove it! Hoo-hoo! After all, this STUPID BASE was YOUR FUCKING IDEA. You and everyone else out here demanded it! And I ... who BY THE FUCKING WAY HAVE BEEN RUNNING A MOTHERFUCKING BULLETIN BOARD SINCE NINETEEN FUCKING NINETY, YOU MISERABLE PIECE OF SHIT said time and time again that it wouldn't work. That it wouldn't be great. That it wouldn't be grand and majestic.

But did you listen, Pinback? Did you? For a moment? FUCK NO. You commenced with the bile. And the insulting posts. And the personal attacks. And the abuse. And the hatred. And e-mail after e-mail thrown into my box telling me what a -- and I quote -- "useless maggot" I was for not putting it in there. That shit hurts from someone that I thought was a friend.

So I added the base. And guess what? No, really! Go ahead and guess! IT SUCKS. IT ABSOLUTELY FUCKING BLOWS. It's GARBAGE. Just as you now state. Just as I thought it might.

Did you honestly think that I had no experience with all this? That I didn't know what I was talking about? Movie bases don't work! I fucking HAD a movies & TV base seven or eight years ago on JC and it DIDN'T WORK. IT DIDN'T WORK THEN AND IT DIDN'T WORK NOW. All that happens is that people get pissed off at each other.

Fantastic. Thanks again for your help in this matter. Hey, start asking for a religion base next. That'll be loads of fun!

I hate you and everything you've ever stood for and ever WILL stand for.

Yours in CHRIST,

Jonsey
Last edited by Ice Cream Jonsey on Wed Jun 04, 2003 10:14 pm, edited 1 time in total.
the dark and gritty...Ice Cream Jonsey!

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Ice Cream Jonsey
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Post by Ice Cream Jonsey » Wed Jun 04, 2003 10:13 pm

pinback wrote:Meanwhile, I can be busy turning this place into a reasonable excuse for a website. I mean, somebody has to, right?
What, like you did right here? Holy shit, that place is HOPPING. That place is really doing well.

Let me count... real quick... one, two... three HUNDRED, yes the last three hundred fucking posts are BY ME and TO ME. I was EVERY PERSON on your wretched BBS.

I would love to give you the reigns of this place. By all means. But seeing how the place will just descend into an unused, uncared for and -- most damningly -- UNFUNNY destitute dump without me, I think I'll pass. Thanks, though! Thanks for offering to turn this place into a content graveyard!

oooOOOoOOooOO!! SpoOky!
the dark and gritty...Ice Cream Jonsey!

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Post by pinback » Wed Jun 04, 2003 10:14 pm

This is excellent. I've always wanted to ask this of someone who could provide a real answer:

When you're a fucking lunatic -- I mean, a certifiably insane person -- who measures their entire self-worth on the performance of some idiotic goddamn computer bulletin board, and all the other idiotic goddamn computer bulletin boards they've run in the past, do you KNOW you're that bad off? Or do you seriously think people actually think you're cool and stuff?

I mean, do you, somewhere in the back of your mind, really understand how worthless you are, and you're just putting up a good front, or has the suppression thoroughly taken over?

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Post by pinback » Wed Jun 04, 2003 10:17 pm

Yeah, sorry old boy, about that whole PWC BBS thing. A couple things came up which kept me from my, shall we say, my "appointed rounds". I was out there learning how to fly airplanes, and furthering my career, and hanging out on the beach with blonde SoCal bunnies in bikinis and partying with the ladies up in the Valley.

MY BAD for not humoring you and your pathetic attempts at being funny and interesting. BTW, if you're gonna make up fake characters, maybe try to make them different from each other, or at the very least, interesting. Someone might actually want to read that crap.

ASSJACK ASSJACK ASSJACK!! That's gold, man. Ride those coattails to your grave.

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Ice Cream Jonsey
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Post by Ice Cream Jonsey » Wed Jun 04, 2003 10:20 pm

pinback wrote:When you're a fucking lunatic -- I mean, a certifiably insane person -- who measures their entire self-worth on the performance of some idiotic goddamn computer bulletin board, and all the other idiotic goddamn computer bulletin boards they've run in the past, do you KNOW you're that bad off? Or do you seriously think people actually think you're cool and stuff?
But we're here! We're doing the dance, now, aren't we, Pinner? Meanwhile, where are all the other boards and sites that you've put up? What, you abandon them not because you don't have the gas to go the distance, but because you're desperately trying to show people how... SANE you are?

Bwa-hahahaha!!!

Give me a goddamn break! Don't drag me down into the stinking trench of failure that you've managed to carve out for yourself with your shovel of suck and bucket of boring. Don't get "hipper than thou" on me, you little fuck. Your failures as a human being and entertainer do not make me look poor due to some sort of bizarre moon logic which twists things ever so slightly so that you're calm, cool and collected for being a total failure and some sort of Reverse-Midas.

I mean, do you, somewhere in the back of your mind, really understand how worthless you are, and you're just putting up a good front, or has the suppression thoroughly taken over?
Worthless? This place and every place you and I happen to go to would FALL SILENT if I were to take the rest of the month off. You personally would be begging me back before Flag Day.
the dark and gritty...Ice Cream Jonsey!

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Ice Cream Jonsey
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Post by Ice Cream Jonsey » Wed Jun 04, 2003 10:24 pm

pinback wrote:Yeah, sorry old boy, about that whole PWC BBS thing. A couple things came up which kept me from my, shall we say, my "appointed rounds". I was out there learning how to fly airplanes, and furthering my career, and hanging out on the beach with blonde SoCal bunnies in bikinis and partying with the ladies up in the Valley.
How do you lie like that? How do you get on here and just present bald-faced lie after bald-faced lie? Your career has been furthered? You can't take so much as a couple days off -- or presumably squeeze a few drops off -- without your boss's permission!! What kind of career is that were you suddenly don't get days off? I didn't realize that your work in the French Foreign Legion offered plenty of time to troll my BBS.

MY BAD for not humoring you and your pathetic attempts at being funny and interesting.
You never posted there while in charge. You'll never post here while in charge. Q.E. Motherfucking. D.

BTW, if you're gonna make up fake characters, maybe try to make them different from each other, or at the very least, interesting. Someone might actually want to read that crap.

ASSJACK ASSJACK ASSJACK!! That's gold, man. Ride those coattails to your grave.
Fine, fine.

I will bet you control over this BBS if you can find a SINGLE instance of me using the word "assjack" anywhere on the PWC... Well, I forgot the number because you increment it every time you've utterly failed, so let's go with 1,000,000.... anyway, yeah, the PWC1000000 BBS.

Let's go. Get zappy. It's fucking ON.
the dark and gritty...Ice Cream Jonsey!

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Post by pinback » Wed Jun 04, 2003 10:26 pm

Alright, this has gone far enough.

It was fun at first, us tussling for the amusement of the others, but this is bullshit now, some of this crap you are throwing at me. I don't want to cut and paste the entire email you sent to me when you started this place, but I'll include this little snippet:
be a really cool place to go, I think. I can go on there, stir up TEH SHIT and then you can come firing back and we'll get the PARTY STARTED, my man! Or just do it out of pity. I'm not sure I can carry it all by myself, but I think if we were BOTH there, like the DOS AMIGOS, kekeke, we could really
And now this. And now I'm having to defend myself to you. TO YOU, the guy who I only showed up in the first place because you seemed pretty cool, and pitiful enough to actually think my stupid Apartment F209 game was good (which of course it wasn't, a harbinger of your bad taste to come), and I was bored at work, so I thought I'd help you out.

And now this.

And now this.

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Ice Cream Jonsey
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Post by Ice Cream Jonsey » Wed Jun 04, 2003 10:32 pm

I didn't send you any e-mails about "this place." And Jesus, I certainly don't talk like that. "kekeke"? You're confusing the e-mails that I get from Lex with the ones I write to you.

Ohh... wait. Right. I think I do recall sending you one. It went something like:

Code: Select all

"Hey, fuckhead, here's your login and password, seeing how you're too fucking lazy to click on a link and drop by. I did not capitalize "pinback," hope that's all right. If not: I hope you die in a very messy way. Today. 
Also, just because you ignored the overuse of "assjack" bit doesn't mean that you're not wrong. I feel like the American people demanding where the Weapons of Mass Destruction are. Well, maybe the European people, as Americans don't care. Where is it, shizznit? Fo snizzle a la nizzle?
the dark and gritty...Ice Cream Jonsey!

Roody_Yogurt
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Post by Roody_Yogurt » Wed Jun 04, 2003 10:38 pm

Yeah, maybe the dialogue at the end of Magnolia really is supposed to be hard to hear, as it's such a personal sentiment and is better left ambiguous. That really is a good point.

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Post by pinback » Wed Jun 04, 2003 10:39 pm

Okay, you did it. You made me cry.

Are you happy? Does that make you happy, that you made me cry?

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Post by pinback » Wed Jun 04, 2003 10:40 pm

You didn't make me cry, Roody, Jonsey did.

You made me ANGRY, though, by posting that (intellectually stimulating) post in the middle of this grotesque parade of hopelessness.

The kid from 'Mask'

Post by The kid from 'Mask' » Wed Jun 04, 2003 10:45 pm

pinback wrote:You didn't make me cry, Roody, Jonsey did.

You made me ANGRY, though, by posting that (intellectually stimulating) post in the middle of this grotesque parade of hopelessness.
I didn't find it that grotesque.

Roody_Yogurt
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Post by Roody_Yogurt » Wed Jun 04, 2003 10:47 pm

Sorry, pinback, I'm just trying to keep the peace. Maybe you two should watch "Breaking Away" together, and laugh and clap at the touching story of four Indiana boys trying to figure out where their lives are heading post-highschool. Mama mia!

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