Pinback's Three-and-a-Half Second Movie Reviews

Funny threads throughout the site's history.

Moderators: Ice Cream Jonsey, AArdvark

User avatar
pinback
Posts: 12531
Joined: Sat Apr 27, 2002 3:00 pm
Contact:

Pinback's Three-and-a-Half Second Movie Reviews

Post by pinback » Thu May 29, 2003 1:50 pm

This is the thread in which I let you know, using very little effort and almost no proofreading whatsoever, what I think of various movies which I watch, which I'm doing a lot of now that I'm on Netflix. These reviews are for entertainment purposes only, and should not be used as the basis for any wager.

8 Mile: I really wanted to like this. I'm a big Eminem guy. The "final showdown" was a blast. Every other second of the movie sucked so hard I had to grab hold of my couch to keep from flying into the DVD player. Damn. (*)

Blue Crush: Nearly as awful as 8 Mile, but since there was no pretense to being any good, it was significantly more enjoyable. Also, pretty waves. (*1/2)

The Sacrifice: My second Tarkovsky movie, after Solaris, and his last, it manages to be even SLOWER and more opaque than Solaris! But no matter, there are still scenes and emotions which stay with you long after you see it. But damn, my man makes some SLOW-ASS movies. (***1/2)

Catch Me If You Can: Impossible to not like. Spielberg is God. There's nothing earth-shattering about this movie, but everything that's there is done well, and it's hard not to have a smile on your face through most of it. (***)

One Hour Photo: I already talked about this, but I thought I'd throw it in here just for completeness. (****)

Big Fat Greek Wedding: Cute. Lost some energy toward the end, but short enough that it didn't matter all that much. (**1/2)

This has been, Pinback's whatever it is.

Stay tuned for the following upcoming half-assed movie reviews: Magnolia, Adaptation, Star Trek: Nemesis, Chasing Amy

User avatar
Ice Cream Jonsey
Posts: 20607
Joined: Sat Apr 27, 2002 2:44 pm
Location: Colorado
Contact:

Post by Ice Cream Jonsey » Thu May 29, 2003 2:29 pm

Can I play?

Kewl.

I got HBO recently. So here we go.


Star Trek: Nemesis: It fucking blew. *

High Crimes: Nothing at all remarkable about this movie in any way. Judd looked good throughout, I guess. *

Phone Booth: Surprisingly unremarkable. I hated Colin's character. Kiefer was good in it. **

X-Men II: Mentioned this earlier. Really entertaining and fun, if mindless. ***1/2

American History X: Mike grabbed this from Columbia House -- I had never seen it all the way through, previously. What can I say, I dug it. Why did (spoiler) have to happen at the end, though? Is the director/screenwriter essentially saying that change is pointless unless everyone joins hands with you at the end of the day? Or that it is admirable to change regardless of who is with you? I thought the (spoiler) happening was tacked-on, because somebody felt it had to happen. Also: Go Suplee! ***
the dark and gritty...Ice Cream Jonsey!

User avatar
pinback
Posts: 12531
Joined: Sat Apr 27, 2002 3:00 pm
Contact:

Post by pinback » Thu May 29, 2003 2:53 pm

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:Can I play?
No, you may not.

User avatar
Ice Cream Jonsey
Posts: 20607
Joined: Sat Apr 27, 2002 2:44 pm
Location: Colorado
Contact:

Post by Ice Cream Jonsey » Sat May 31, 2003 8:58 am

pinback wrote:
Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:Can I play?
No, you may not.
Excellent! You have managed to submarine your own thread within three total posts. Imagine the Mortal Kombat announcer laughing with delight over this turn of events, please!
the dark and gritty...Ice Cream Jonsey!

Pinner

Post by Pinner » Sat May 31, 2003 10:03 pm

Uh, douchewad? The thread is NOT submarined, I simply haven't watched any movies since then, as Netflix is scouring my queue to provide me with only the latest and most sought-after films. Once I watch them, I will provide half-assed review in this thread for all of them.

Now, please leave this thread, never to return.

Pinperson

Post by Pinperson » Sun Jun 01, 2003 8:18 pm

Star Trek: Nemesis: Certainly not the send-off that this crew and this franchise deserved. Number of moderately cool/entertaining moments: About four. Number of cringe-inducing moments of forced humor/nostalgia or sappy nonsense: Significantly more than four.

Winner: Not the audience. (*1/2)

User avatar
pinback
Posts: 12531
Joined: Sat Apr 27, 2002 3:00 pm
Contact:

Post by pinback » Tue Jun 03, 2003 10:12 pm

Magnolia:

Instantly one of the best 20 movies I've ever seen. Emotionally shattering, immensely entertaining, and astoundingly well-done.

Incredible. Outstanding. The purpose of the invention of film.

(*****)

Roody_Yogurt
Posts: 1993
Joined: Mon Apr 29, 2002 6:23 pm
Location: Milwaukee

Post by Roody_Yogurt » Tue Jun 03, 2003 10:43 pm

Yeah, that's a fantastic movie... I found myself liking it more and more the more I thought back on it.

User avatar
pinback
Posts: 12531
Joined: Sat Apr 27, 2002 3:00 pm
Contact:

Post by pinback » Tue Jun 03, 2003 10:49 pm

I am finding myself unable to wind down for sleep, after having my world rocked.

Holy fucking shit!

Roody_Yogurt
Posts: 1993
Joined: Mon Apr 29, 2002 6:23 pm
Location: Milwaukee

Post by Roody_Yogurt » Tue Jun 03, 2003 10:58 pm

Just to keep this discourse going, let me mention how when my brother rented Magnolia on VHS from Blockbuster, he accidentally started the second tape first and when he realized that no title sequence was coming, he just figured he'd watch the two parts in opposite order. He still liked the movie a good deal.

Ok, so that story loses something in the telling. I should watch the movie again.

User avatar
pinback
Posts: 12531
Joined: Sat Apr 27, 2002 3:00 pm
Contact:

Post by pinback » Tue Jun 03, 2003 11:04 pm

I can't imagine the movie would be quite as impactful watched in reverse order. But yes, let's keep this discourse going:

Uh.

Who was hotter, the drugged-out Julianne Moore, or the drugged out other chick?

Roody_Yogurt
Posts: 1993
Joined: Mon Apr 29, 2002 6:23 pm
Location: Milwaukee

Post by Roody_Yogurt » Tue Jun 03, 2003 11:10 pm

I'd go with the drugged out other chick. Of course, it's kind of hard to make any sort of decision because so much of one's opinions are based on sympathy to the movie's characters, and Magnolia is one of those fantastic films in that aspect. In my opinion, very much like 'the royal tenenbaums,' except much more realistic.

User avatar
pinback
Posts: 12531
Joined: Sat Apr 27, 2002 3:00 pm
Contact:

Post by pinback » Tue Jun 03, 2003 11:17 pm

VERY MINOR SPOILER
-----------------------






Say, Roody, in the VERY VERY last scene in the movie, I couldn't hear what the guy was saying, because the music was so much higher in the mix. Were we supposed to hear what he was saying, or were we just supposed to get the general idea, and figure it out for ourselves? Because if THAT'S the case, then I gotta move this up to top 10 status immediately. If it's just that my TV's sound was screwed up, then I need a new TV.

Roody_Yogurt
Posts: 1993
Joined: Mon Apr 29, 2002 6:23 pm
Location: Milwaukee

Post by Roody_Yogurt » Tue Jun 03, 2003 11:21 pm

It's been too long since I've seen it so I really can't say, especially since I'm pretty sure I watched the movie with subtitles on as I do a lot of the time with DVDs. That sounds like it might be right, though.

User avatar
pinback
Posts: 12531
Joined: Sat Apr 27, 2002 3:00 pm
Contact:

Post by pinback » Tue Jun 03, 2003 11:24 pm

1. Why do you watch with subtitles on? Do you have a hearing disability, or do you just like being able to double-check the dialogue?

2. I think you're right, that I'm right, and that's just all the more impressive. Wow, man.

Wow, man.

Roody_Yogurt
Posts: 1993
Joined: Mon Apr 29, 2002 6:23 pm
Location: Milwaukee

Post by Roody_Yogurt » Tue Jun 03, 2003 11:32 pm

1. Why do you watch with subtitles on? Do you have a hearing disability, or do you just like being able to double-check the dialogue?
Mainly, I just like to double-check the dialogue. A lot of good movies have bits that are easy to miss because of either pacing or sound-mixing or whatever. Even when I watch movies I grew up with with subtitles on, there's often at least one part where I'm like, "So THAT's what they said!"
2. I think you're right, that I'm right, and that's just all the more impressive. Wow, man.
Well, maybe this ruins everything, but here's some guy's take on the movie and there's dialogue from the end that you may be talking about.

http://tinyurl.com/df7b

User avatar
pinback
Posts: 12531
Joined: Sat Apr 27, 2002 3:00 pm
Contact:

Post by pinback » Tue Jun 03, 2003 11:39 pm

I hear that, although I'm not going to click on that link until I see the movie a couple more times, because now it's just too emotional an experience to sully by delving into its particulars.

Hey Roody! This is kinda fun, just us two on here, yappin' about films. Imagine everyone else, all snug in their beds, and they'll get up next morning and have a whole fun thread to read! Ain't that a kick.

Roody_Yogurt
Posts: 1993
Joined: Mon Apr 29, 2002 6:23 pm
Location: Milwaukee

Post by Roody_Yogurt » Tue Jun 03, 2003 11:42 pm

Yeah, I do have to admit that it's kind of nice to get in on one of these. Is there a way to get an e-mail every time someone posts to a thread if you didn't start it? Just curious.

I'd hate to taint you by making the two movies seem more similar than they actually are, but I'm curious about your opinion on 'The Royal Tenenbaums' if you have seen it. If you haven't, forget that I ever mentioned it.

Roody_Yogurt
Posts: 1993
Joined: Mon Apr 29, 2002 6:23 pm
Location: Milwaukee

Post by Roody_Yogurt » Tue Jun 03, 2003 11:44 pm

Ah, don't mind me. I found the thing in my profile to take care of the e-mail thing.

User avatar
pinback
Posts: 12531
Joined: Sat Apr 27, 2002 3:00 pm
Contact:

Post by pinback » Tue Jun 03, 2003 11:44 pm

I'll see Tenenbaums. I've seen that title come up in more than one discussion about Magnolia, so I guess I HAVE to see it now. But of course, now I'm going to be unable to enjoy it, because I'll be comparing it from first frame to last.

Here, let me add it to my Netflix queue right now. Even though I just reported my first "lost" DVD after only two weeks, so I have a feeling my relationship with Netflix may be painfully short-lived.

Locked