... Kotex?

One time, oh, about 50 years ago, my sister drove me to the store, gave me the money, and had me go in to pick up something. I think she might have bribed me by letting me buy a soda or something. She might have even told me she was embarrassed about buying them. So I went and bought the package, having no idea what it was for, although I'm absolutely certain the cashier knew I wasn't buying it for myself.

Seriously, what possible use would a 9-year-old boy have with a box of...

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote: ↑Fri Aug 07, 2020 7:20 am I will say that the only negative of marriage is being asked to get something I haven't previously seen at a grocery store. I can't do it. It's my one (1) failing.

Argh I hear you on that one. Plus asking me for things I know they are out of or never had. I had to resort to taking pictures of shelves.

I saw a comment from either Twitter or a comedian that says, as soon as I go to the grocery store, I immediately forget about every single vegetable I have ever consumed in my life. Or "I forget what I enjoy having for supper immediately." I wish I could find it, it was funnier than my attempt at remembering.

I will say that the only negative of marriage is being asked to get something I haven't previously seen at a grocery store. I can't do it. It's my one (1) failing.

I was a cashier at People's Drug at Dupont Circle in Washington, DC about 20 years ago. A guy came up to the counter, and I saw he was buying condoms and Vaseline (petroleum jelly). I made th mistake of not asking him if he wanted my opinion, and mentioned to him that it's not a good idea to use both together as it eats holes in condoms. Apparently I nailed it5, because he walked off without his purchase.

From then on, if I noticed someone buying both, I'd ak if it's okay if I say something personal, and then quietly tell them if they said it was. Everyone else either was not going to be use them together or knew you aren't supposed to.

In college one night, I was with a couple guys and a girl buying some beer, wine, chips and salsa. I suggested we throw a pack of condoms and a pregnancy test into the basket to fuck with the cashier. They were not on board.

I never thought about terrorist supplies, that would be pretty funny.

Glycerin or pork fat
Nitric Acid

Find a recipe for Nitro Glycerin off the internet and add it.

Moth Balls
Karo Corn Syrup

Find a recipe for plastic explosive, and add it

Then add the address of the nearest federal building.

Same thing as above, only use

Nitrogen Fertilizer
Diesel fuel

Another:

Recipe for enhanced nerve gas
Ammonia
Bleach
Hydrogen Peroxide

Most any housewife knows you don't mix ammonia and bleach as you get a white (what they might not know is) chlorine gas, nasty stuff. Peroxide intensifies the effect.

If you want to go the extra mile, print up some fake stationary with an email address included. Then wait and see if you ever get contacted. Possibly by the authorities. Nevermind.

This one would be great for a weekend home improvement project:

1. Duct tape.
2. Rope.
3. Handkerchiefs.
4. Chloroform.
5. Shovel.

If you know someone with a fiery disposition, he or she might appreciate the following gift list:

1. Gas can filled with gas.
2. Matches (don't cheap out here -- you definitely want the Strike Anywheres).
3. Flame resistant clothing.
4. Sunglasses.

When you go shopping and get a cart, if there's a shopping list left in it from a previous shopper do you read it before throwing it out? I always do, it's almost compulsive. Then I will conjecture with my wife about the kind of people that would buy the items on the list.

"Oh look hon, they ran out of Preparation H, they must be real assholes."

stuff like that.

What I propose to do is make up shopping lists of really really horrible things and leave it in the carts this weekend for other shoppers to find. I ask now for any suggestions.

THE
ONE SIDED PRANK
AARDVARK