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The Top 100 Games of All Time
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Ice Cream Jonsey



Joined: 27 Apr 2002
Posts: 20088
Location: Colorado

PostPosted: Wed Nov 30, 2005 11:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

#57 - DARK QUEEN OF KRYNN

IBM PC



Here comes the Black Queen poking in the pile
Fi fo the Black Queen marching single file
Take this take that bring them down to size
March to the Black Queen


This game is why I prefer brunettes, I think. The Dark Queen on the box was pretty hot and busty and leggy and I was at an age where such preferences were being developed. Either the box to this game or thousands of pieces of porn - one or the other!

DQK is the third game in a series of games based on the "Dragonlance" book which, like George Bell (former MVP of the Toronto Blue Jays) is probably something that was wholly a product of the 80s and cruelly mocked today. I'm guessing here. But if you ask any fan of Detroit sports what grave injustices were ever done in sports they are bound to cry about how Alan Trammell should have won the AL MVP in 1987, even though that's a stupid position to take, and any Tolkien fan would probably diss Dragonlance, even though they were readable and had people of different genders actually pair up. (In the book and this game, I should add.)

Anyway, DQK gave you the best of both worlds when it came to interface. You spent most of the game wandering around like it was The Bard's Tale, but when it came time for combat the game shifted and it was like Diablo all of a sudden. It was like Diablo, but with tactics, and that means that it wasn't much like Diablo at all!

Ha ha!!

ZING!

HAAA!

Q: HAAAAAAAAA?
A: AAHHH-HAHHHAAAHHAAAA!!!

The thing I like most about this game will cause Ben to murmur obscenities in disbelief. But as this website will be shut down shortly, it really doesn't matter. I got to the 9th level (out of 10) in a tower towards the end of this game. And I could not find the door to the monster I had to kill. I know it's there... the hint guide says it's there... but for the life of me I can't find it. I'd be willing to concede that maybe my innate sense of direction is at fault like it is in non-fictional cities, but there's like a compass spell or something in that game. And that shit's always right.

I couldn't figure out how to leave that level so as far as I am concerned my guys got there, got stuck, starved to death and evil continued to reign. My kind of ending! LONG LIVE THE DARK QUEEN OF KRYNN!
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Last edited by Ice Cream Jonsey on Wed Dec 07, 2005 9:52 pm; edited 1 time in total
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ChainGangGuy



Joined: 29 Apr 2002
Posts: 683
Location: Marietta, GA

PostPosted: Fri Dec 02, 2005 12:01 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:
ZING!


I feel like I got kicked in the nuts and I can't throw up.

Also, don't forget about Q-bert!
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Ice Cream Jonsey



Joined: 27 Apr 2002
Posts: 20088
Location: Colorado

PostPosted: Sun Dec 04, 2005 2:23 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

#56 - DEFENDER

Arcade



Only someone reprehensible wouldn't put this game on his (and let's be honest -- it's almost definitely a he) list. I see farther, however, and wouldn't dare ignore the most intense 90 seconds in gaming.

(OK, truth to tell, I think I survived for a few seconds longer on the Vectrex port called "Protector." I think I actually made it to that elusive 180th second on that version... but that game has the buttons all aligned nicely, so it's probably cheating.)

I can't recall a game that I've ever been worse at. Oh, sure, my brother would say "Front Page Sports: Football '96!" and then sort of chuckle to himself because he beat me 19 straight seasons, but I could at least win my division in that game. I have never been able to do the equivalent in Defender. I've never been "coach of the year" in Defender. If anything -- if I'm humanity's last hope -- humanity is getting the first round pick each year for a nice new world to inhabit and continually spending it on fucking Phobos.

There's three feet of moon dust on Phobos. You can't live there!

Playing Defender, in fact, is the activity I'm third worst at, right behind skiing and driving. Defender would be first, except I can't get my ship to routinely go 180 degrees when I want it to, unlike my knee in skiing and my old Neon in driving. I can't get it to do that, even though it has one input specifically designed to perform that function. That's how bad I am at Defender.

Oh well, I can't let my personal incompetence get in the way of stating that this game is the 57th best game of all-time. It's intense, it's one of the few games that feels like it truly matters, it might even have a third board beyond what I call "The First One" and the "You Let Everyone Die" ones. I would just like to one day pick up a strategy guide for the frigging thing.
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Last edited by Ice Cream Jonsey on Wed Dec 07, 2005 9:52 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Ice Cream Jonsey



Joined: 27 Apr 2002
Posts: 20088
Location: Colorado

PostPosted: Sun Dec 04, 2005 2:24 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

ChainGangGuy wrote:
Also, don't forget about Q-bert!


I don't think there's 20 minutes in my life that goes by where I am not thinking about Q*bert.
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Lysander



Joined: 08 Jul 2003
Posts: 1694
Location: East Bay, California.

PostPosted: Sun Dec 04, 2005 2:19 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I got to the fifth board.

Bitch.
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Ice Cream Jonsey



Joined: 27 Apr 2002
Posts: 20088
Location: Colorado

PostPosted: Sun Dec 04, 2005 2:22 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

OK, I'm terrible, but I'm better than you.

Name the stakes.
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Lysander



Joined: 08 Jul 2003
Posts: 1694
Location: East Bay, California.

PostPosted: Sun Dec 04, 2005 9:52 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Shit, I may be in trouble here. I haven't played that thing since I was like 11 years old. Okay, but you'll need to provide me with something to play it with, the last time I played it was off a DOS port from a "game empire" CD from like 1994.
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Ice Cream Jonsey



Joined: 27 Apr 2002
Posts: 20088
Location: Colorado

PostPosted: Sun Dec 04, 2005 10:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yeah, MAME has it and I have MAME and a copy of the ROM. Will be sending shortly. What e-mail address do you have that can handle a meg of files?
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Lysander



Joined: 08 Jul 2003
Posts: 1694
Location: East Bay, California.

PostPosted: Sun Dec 04, 2005 11:26 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I've got mame already. Send it to my spamtrap at wildblinker007@hotmail.com if'n it please you.
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Ice Cream Jonsey



Joined: 27 Apr 2002
Posts: 20088
Location: Colorado

PostPosted: Wed Dec 07, 2005 12:45 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

#55 - WASTELAND

IBM PC



Wasteland falls fast -- I had it in the 30s 8 years ago, but the thing is almost unplayable these days. The graphics suck, half the game's story is in a text file that you have to read (you mean you gotta read? yeah) which is not connected to the game in any way, shape or form. Still a neat, vicious little thing, but sinking like a stone. I'm not saying it needs a "fan-made update," but really, integrating the story in the actual game would be a huge accomplishment.

In this game, intelligence is more important than strength which makes it the only place where that is true. A nuclear holocaust! Who would have thought it? I hope the tenets of engineering save your girl from getting thrown around like a ragdoll and raped for the rest of her natural life when you try to booklearn knife-fighting after the US and China nuke each other silly, WINK EINSTEIN. Makes me sick.

The graphics really make me sick, too. I really do not care for them. Did this look any better on the Atari or C64? I couldn't tell you that, but I can tell you this one is the 55th best game of ALL-TIME.
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Last edited by Ice Cream Jonsey on Wed Dec 07, 2005 9:52 pm; edited 2 times in total
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AArdvark



Joined: 14 May 2002
Posts: 6052
Location: Rochester, NY

PostPosted: Wed Dec 07, 2005 4:22 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

But....if it suckes so much, how did it get so high on the list? I mean this is above several text adventures that were/are much better. The C64 version seemed to have comparable (crappy) graphics. Hell, they all sucked back then.




THE
REACHING
AARDVARK
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ChainGangGuy



Joined: 29 Apr 2002
Posts: 683
Location: Marietta, GA

PostPosted: Wed Dec 07, 2005 12:53 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:
I couldn't tell you that, but I can tell you this one is the 56th best game of ALL-TIME.


Well, okay, but I don't really see why you told me that at all, and I can't believe this entry is what I woke up to on my birthday.
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Ice Cream Jonsey



Joined: 27 Apr 2002
Posts: 20088
Location: Colorado

PostPosted: Wed Dec 07, 2005 1:22 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Vark wrote:
But....if it suckes so much, how did it get so high on the list? I mean this is above several text adventures that were/are much better. The C64 version seemed to have comparable (crappy) graphics. Hell, they all sucked back then.


The Birthday Boy wrote:
Well, okay, but I don't really see why you told me that at all, and I can't believe this entry is what I woke up to on my birthday.


Fair enough, I understand. Hey, happy birthday, CG squared!

Wasteland is a great game for the following reasons:

1) Interface. A lot of the time you are using Bard's Tale-style windows, but you also get to move a little dude around that represents your party. I don't believe any game has ever switched between the two, but it's a great way of doing things.

2) Location. The game takes place in the American southwest... and includes Vegas! The only other game I can think of that features Las Vegas at all would be NCAA basketball games when you play against the Running Rebels.

3) The game's text includes not only a well-written set of logs for the game you're playing (the game tells you to go READ LOG #65 and so forth) but, in an effort to frustrate people who would read the thing straight through, a series of journal entries that have nothing to do with Wasteland whatsoever. So Interplay hired a writer to at least in part develop a side story that was completely unused. (Someone should go make that side story a game, however, that would be the ultimate in Wasteland-era geekdom.)

4) The skills you pick up are useful and very gun-nerdy. You start to get an appreciation for different kinds of ammo and "7.62mm" all of a sudden means something to you. Granted, people who shoot guns know all this shit already, but for some of the rest of us it's our first exposure.

5) It gave rise to Fallout -- Fallout was said to be an unofficial sequel to Wasteland, so it's got a nice series of "sequels," always important in a list like this.

6) For a game with its impressive limitations, it does still have a lot of free-form, user-directed gameplay & related decisions. GTA3 made it popular, but Wasteland was one such game to have it early.

It's also regarded as a classic, I think, and while you can maybe not have Final Fantasy III on your list, no self-respecting adult can omit Wasteland. Lemme find my copy of it and post it, I think you guys would get a kick out of it.
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co
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PostPosted: Wed Dec 07, 2005 1:38 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I think this list would be more satisfying if the review actually included the good points of the game, instead of people having to drag it out of you.
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Ice Cream Jonsey



Joined: 27 Apr 2002
Posts: 20088
Location: Colorado

PostPosted: Wed Dec 07, 2005 2:07 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

You have to fight for every inch in Proving Grounds and Wasteland, including even their good points.
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Duke Nukem
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PostPosted: Wed Dec 07, 2005 2:35 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:
2) Location. The game takes place in the American southwest... and includes Vegas! The only other game I can think of that features Las Vegas at all would be NCAA basketball games when you play against the Running Rebels.

You'll get your Vegas game soon when George Brussard kicks your ass with Duke Nukem Forever! Damn, you're ugly! Your face, your ass, what's the difference? You're gonna DIE for that!

Anyway, apparently you haven't played many gambling games, surely many of them feature Vegas.
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AArdvark



Joined: 14 May 2002
Posts: 6052
Location: Rochester, NY

PostPosted: Wed Dec 07, 2005 5:12 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

That's..that's much better. Thank you.



THE
LEVEL PLAYING FIELD
AARDVARK
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Random Guy
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PostPosted: Wed Dec 07, 2005 9:50 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

ChainGangGuy wrote:
Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:
I couldn't tell you that, but I can tell you this one is the 56th best game of ALL-TIME.


Well, okay, but I don't really see why you told me that at all, and I can't believe this entry is what I woke up to on my birthday.


Hey! You share a birthday with Tom Waits and Rob Kutner, who writes for the Daily Show!

Random Guy
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Roody_Yogurt



Joined: 29 Apr 2002
Posts: 1993
Location: Milwaukee

PostPosted: Wed Dec 07, 2005 9:53 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

bruce?
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Ice Cream Jonsey



Joined: 27 Apr 2002
Posts: 20088
Location: Colorado

PostPosted: Wed Dec 07, 2005 9:53 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I messed up the numbering and had Fail-Safe and DQK both at #58. I have corrected this mistake. We are on game #54.
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