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The Top 100 Games of All Time
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Joined: 27 Apr 2002
Posts: 9188

PostPosted: Sun Aug 07, 2005 6:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I am now to understand that Counterstrike is not going to be on the list, because he "never played it".

So, to recap:

Unknown Asteroids clone for a failed system: 84th best of all time.

Counterstrike: Nowhere to be seen.

(Asteroids: Nowhere to be seen.)

I ask that this list either be cancelled right now, or sped up to at least one update per day, because this man drawing out this failed experiment like Kubrick directing movies is an affront to all things good and decent, like Butterscotch Krumpets.
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ChainGangGuy



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PostPosted: Mon Aug 08, 2005 3:35 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I still believe in the List.
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Ice Cream Jonsey



Joined: 27 Apr 2002
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Location: Colorado

PostPosted: Mon Aug 08, 2005 9:39 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Counter-Strike. Oh yes... Counter-Strike.

First of all, it's got the absolute worst community surrounding it in the history of video games. This shouldn't matter, except it's an on-line only game. So it does. If the worst install ever knocks a game off the list and having three of the worst levels almost knocks a game off the list and having THE worst level ever (the race in Mafia) removes it from all contention I think the community that turned Internet Nerd into a screechy cliche ought to matter.

But when it comes right down to it, I've never played it. I would. But I just haven't ever done so.

Oh, and if you choose not to install Counter-Strike when installing Half-Life II the install fails and you get neither game due to a crash. It took six hours for me to realize that when I first got HL2. Just thought I'd throw that in there for the hell of it.

One of you still seems to believe in this list, so it will continue for another evening.
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Ice Cream Jonsey



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PostPosted: Mon Aug 08, 2005 9:55 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

#83 - TEMPEST

Arcade



One of the great things about Tempest is that people put the "fingerdial" into their MAME cabinets years later, mostly so they can play this game properly. I am not laughing or anything. I'd do it, too.

One of the other great things about Tempest is that originally the entire field moved and the guy stood still. It made people heave. For some reason they decided that was not a feature and fixed it. The best thing that would have ever happened would have been if the programmer had put a countdown in his code and made it switch back to the field moving after the game was on for half a day. The only game that ever made me feel queasy was Web Wars for the Vectrex and I'm almost positive that a reverse-spinning Tempest could do it. But I'll never know.

There are 17 flies in my living room.

Actually, I doubt anyone is going to argue about Tempest. It's like Journey's Greatest Hits. Nobody is going to say it's their all-time favorite, but nobody is going to freak out saying it has to be shut off, either. Since I get called out in virtual and real life when I don't say this, here comes the money shot: I think it -- Tempest! -- is the 83rd best game of all time.
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Ice Cream Jonsey



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PostPosted: Tue Aug 09, 2005 12:07 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

By the way, I'd like to mention again that Benjamin "Dipshit" Parrish stated that I had bad things to say about Robotron and then when called on his bullshit promptly shut the fuck up.

Good boy, Fido.
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PostPosted: Tue Aug 09, 2005 4:47 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

It took until 83rd, but we finally got a decent goddamn game on this list.

There is one major flaw in Tempest, though, which I think needs to be addressed here:

By holding down the fire button, the spikes cease to become a threat while you're warping to the next level, rendering their entire existence, much like my own, pointless.

Discuss?
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AArdvark



Joined: 14 May 2002
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PostPosted: Tue Aug 09, 2005 5:33 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

It takes many quarters to figure out that. (And it only works on the shorter spikes so you have to move quickly before the warp) I would not consider this a flaw because the green spike builders get really busy and the spikes get longer and longer (like a rum binge, eh?) as the game progresses.
The only flaw is trying to play the game at home without the nice spin dial. Left/right buttons DO NOT do the game justice.
being able to give the knob a fast as hell spin with the side of your hand and avoiding the red things (what are they called anyway?) while you hammer the fire button is one of life's small past pleasures. I wish the game had come out five years earlier than it did so I would have had more practice (and disposable income) on the game.


THE
GIMME ANOTHER
CHANCE,
CHUCKY CHEESE
AARDVARK
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AArdvark



Joined: 14 May 2002
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PostPosted: Tue Aug 09, 2005 5:37 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
There are 17 flies in my living room.



When a beloved pet dies, it is neccessary to remove the body from the apartment quickly or the vermin will congregate.

Either that or personal hygene is still at an all time low.



THE
GET A SHOVEL
OR SOME SOAP
AARDVARK
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chris



Joined: 01 May 2002
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PostPosted: Tue Aug 09, 2005 8:30 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Back in the very early 90s, I worked at a computer store in East Rochester. The owner had Tempest and Demolition Derby arcade games in the back. It was a very cool time. :smile:
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Ice Cream Jonsey



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PostPosted: Thu Aug 11, 2005 8:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Four days in-between is very wrong. I'm sorry.
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Ice Cream Jonsey



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PostPosted: Thu Aug 11, 2005 8:52 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

#82 - DEVIL WHISKEY

IBM PC



The Bard's Tale was one of the most entertaining IPs out there and some guy associated with the game snapped it up and trotted out a fucking Diablo clone. Jesus Christ. If there was any game that promised to be a complete break from clicking on stupid shit until you developed carpel finger tunnel it was a new Bard's Tale game - or so we thought.

People created petitions on this, is what I'm saying. I know that these days nerds create petitions if Valve changes the recoil of the shotgun three milliseconds either way, but back in 1998 a petition wasn't a cliche yet. It was just as worthless, natch, just not as dumpy.

I met one of the people who worked on one of the versions of the Bard's Tale over the summer and I was told that Dragon Wars was called "Bard's Tale IV" right up until the last week before it shipped. So there's my Bard's Tale sequel, I guess. But something running in 16.7 million colors would be great, too.

Enter Devil Whiskey.

Devil Whiskey is unbelievably difficult at first and unbelievably addicting. I spent an entire week playing this and nothing else and was actually the kind of asshole who rushed home, sat in front of his PC, played a stupid game while his girlfriend made dinner and barely looked to the delicious repast provided because there was more dungeon to explore.

This game is kind of like crack, then, from what I've heard about crack. It's cracky. Crack-like.

I thought it was fantastic and I've got a couple hours left, from what I understand, before I finish it. It's typical lazy fantasy but is the game everyone wanted when they signed e-petitions for a new Bard's Tale game. It certainly got better reviews than the game released in the same year that has the intellectual property. I think Devil Whiskey is the 82nd best game of all-time and my understanding is that the new Bard's game is more into the 82 thousands. You just can't keep a good interface down.
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Worm



Joined: 24 Aug 2002
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PostPosted: Fri Aug 12, 2005 5:51 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I need to check if my old Devil Whiskey save game is on the Presario.
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PostPosted: Tue Aug 16, 2005 9:00 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
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Ice Cream Jonsey



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PostPosted: Tue Aug 16, 2005 11:51 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

#81 - COMMAND AND CONQUER: RED ALERT



IBM PC




And with this... the real-time strategy genre came to a close.

Allow me to explain. There were two decent RTS games that came out at pretty much the same time -- Warcraft II and Command & Conquer. There were some earlier attempts but they were largely unimportant and can be safely unremembered. But WC2 and C&C spawned more shitty knock-off games than I can recall. Oh, what the hell, let's give it a shot.

Deadlock. MoonBase. DarkReign. HomeWorld. MageMove. OrcHut. ChieftanSpawn. Unfuncraft. The gameplay was exactly the same in all of these pieces of crap and right after Red Alert you could see developers making the last mental move away from tradition and knew what would be added to RTS games, badly, over the years:

1) A move to 3D. Doesn't bring anything to the table. It's like the first 10 years of putting 3D into fighting games: you feel like giving the people involved a cookie and not bothering to tell them that the thing still looks worse than Mortal Kombat.

2) An emphasis on story. Having interviewed, badly, at a couple companies and having met (both on-line and in real-life) people who make games, well, thanks but no thanks. Nobody wants to experience the kind of stories these people can develop. It's not like it took a brief downturn after Red Alert -- they all came out of the gate in utterly insipid form and never, ever got better. I played the first three levels of Warcraft III and had to gorge the glaze out of my eyes after each cut scene with a metal spatula. There's been like four commercial games in the last 10 years that have had any kind of a story and funnily enough two of them (Planescape and Grim Fandango) I am saving For A Rainy Day. Although I'd confess that the ads for Fandango.com are really making it difficult to get into GF. Not fair in the slightest, but still. I don't want the discs laying around and the association even possibly being made. The cats can't even read but if they ever did, yeah, I'd be embarrassed. This is also why I had to hide my "Alias" comic books when the show went on TV.

3) The gimmick level. In Warcraft II there was a free board with nothing but sheep. In Red Alert they'd unleash this girl that would cause everything around her to explode. I thought she was supposed to be Carrie or something, but after learning of "No-Tanya Treaties," I guess I deduced what her real name in the game was. Tanya was played by Kari Wuhrer in the cut scenes, who is hot. Whoever they got to do her voice in the actual levels -- I'm just convinced it was a man. It's jarring. Listwise, definitely the most jarring moment in a video game since the aliens would spring on you in nigh motion capture during AvP. The gimmick levels spawned predictable followers: "What if the level was FULL OF SAND?" "What if you had one lone scout and the computer had A BILLION UNITS?" "What if a thousand zergs RUSHED YOU?" Stupid, stupid, stupid.

4) This has nothing to do with Red Alert, but any RTS that enforced a 1:1 disc-player ratio in network play was worthless. I know not all of them did, and they can skip to the end where I say I think that Red Alert is the 81st best game of all-time. Most RTS games are stupid and it was a desperate ploy to not allow discs to "spawn" in network play.

Anyway. Red Alert has a wonderful back story and lots of crazy scenarios going. It's got a decent legacy insomuch as any time Nikolai Tesla is discussed on any Internet forum anywhere (I'm not specifically saying some place as predictable as Slashdot, but ... well, definitely Slashdot, among others) some enormous nerd will break half his hand trying to be the first to make the Command and Conquer - Tesla Coil Unit comment. Worm established earlier that this is the only culture he cares about, so I expect that he'll back me up here.

I only remember finishing one side of Red Alert, the "Good Guys." But that's enough for me to say that I think it's the 81st best game of all-time.
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PostPosted: Tue Aug 16, 2005 12:00 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

:(
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Ice Cream Jonsey



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PostPosted: Wed Aug 17, 2005 10:27 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

#80 - CYBERBALL

Arcade



I had it all.

Oh, for a time I had it all. I had a brother who was close by and sometimes not in jail. A woman I was usually on good terms with. Three cats that threw up on average only *two* times per day. And a good personal friend who was into many of the same things as I, except for "The Esses" -- sports and sobriety.

But there was one fake sport that he did like and that was concerning a bunch of easily-replaceable robots throwing lit bombs at one another in an attempt to get first downs. The game was Cyberball. The friend was Benjamin "Pinback" Parrish.

I never beat him in Cyberball. I've never beat anyone. Can you even like a game that you've never, ever won at? We would team up to try to beat the computer and I frustrated those efforts. In the fine spirit of the "Mutant League" games and "Cannon Fodder" (even though I think this game is older than both of them) you would try to assemble and keep-together a team of robot football players in a game that only roughly resembled football. That elusive "9th play" was still a ways away in video football, but for the ones they gave you, Cyberball was remarkably fun and challenging. Okay, maybe it was only challenging to me. But it was fun for everyone.

I had it all.

I had a computer hooked up to a TV and Playstation 2 controllers hooked up to the computer and we were able to play it. I tried to get better at it but never did. I tried to simply not get in my friend's way, but I always did. And it would lead to "getting in the way" in other things, like not being able to have a good time at a piano bar, or an Irish pub or a regular pub where there was simply a bar and Jesus Fuck, let's just eat at the bar but ohhh noooo Ice Cream Dipshit Fuckhead didn't want to and if you ask me I just want to see how they DO THE CHEESE PIZZA and you're an asshole for not picking up my brother from the airport even though you're probably so drunk you wouldn't register as "human" on a breathalyzer and hey, where are you going, I'm sorry I ruined "Run, Lola, Run" by saying that it was a time-travel movie 69,106 times because I was pasted and driving you out of the state in such a hurry and fury that I got left with the contents of your refrigerator which was left as cold as your existence in my state and with just as much light.

I'm saying the fridge is closed in the previous sentence.

I think that I could have done some things differently. I think I'm sorry I gave that guy such a hard time. I think he was a decent chap woefully unprepared to co-exist in the Hell of Existence I thrust him into and I think I probably shouldn't have posted his review of Burnout to that other site where 25 people who post as 50 and hate everything turned their hateful gaze to him and I think I could have been a better friend. I think - I really, really think -- I'm sorry.

I think all of those things.

But let's not get openly vaginal here, I also think that Cyberball is the 80th best game of all-time.
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Ice Cream Jonsey



Joined: 27 Apr 2002
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PostPosted: Thu Aug 18, 2005 6:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

#79 - THE LURKING HORROR

IBM PC



Everyone already knows about this one. It's cold out, you're at G.U.E. Tech and you get a free plastic centipede if you buy it. Bought it. Whatever.

Anyway, if I remember right, Campus Cthulhu makes an appearance, so the bar has been set for the upcoming Vectrex game THE CREEPING MAW.

I'm going on a weekend vacation, please discuss among yourselves. If you've been listening YA KNOW WH'RE I STAND. I think it's the 79th best game of all-time.
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Lex



Joined: 27 Apr 2002
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Location: Scotland, Bonnie

PostPosted: Fri Aug 19, 2005 6:22 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I hope Blood is in here somewhere.
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Ice Cream Jonsey



Joined: 27 Apr 2002
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PostPosted: Wed Aug 24, 2005 6:52 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

#78 - DIABLO

IBM PC



Well, I'm not going to waste everyone's time saying how great Diablo is. It was THE BEST demo I've ever played. Unbelievably addictive.But the thing spawned, literally, a hundred shitty games where you clicked on shit over and over again. I much prefer Gauntlet style controls where you have to get your hands dirty.

Was it the last game released in 1996 or the first game released in 1997?!?! I unfortunately worked at an EB during this time. The first copy we got was on January 2nd, 1997. I see that Mobygames says it was released a month earlier. This has always bugged me.

I think two things. First, that Diablo is the 78th best game off all-time. You knew that was coming. Secondly, Operation: Cyberball is starting tonight, but that will be a separate thread. I hope you all still believe in the list.
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PostPosted: Wed Aug 24, 2005 6:54 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

:(
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