The Best Pitcher On The Planet
September 5th, 2009 by Ice Cream Jonsey

After being on the Nipponese end of Roy Halladay destroying, laying nuclear waste to their pathetic teams for fucking years, anonymous douchebag fans from the American League East hopped onto a few of the Blue Jay sites I frequent to jump on Roy for the first bad month he’s had since coming up to the big leagues for good.

I wasn’t even aware he was having a “bad” month in August, because for the first half of it he was still superior to anyone the Sox, Yanks and Rays were throwing out there. It wasn’t lost on the mewling bitches of those teams, though, no doubt stalking Roy’s Baseball Reference splits page, hoping – praying! for something like this, since he’s the best player in the division, and will be till the day he leaves it or retires.

(I’m going to throw in the possibility that some of the anonymous comments were also made by Phillies fans. Normally, if a fanbase is heavily involved in trade talks and the trade falls through, people move on. Philadelphia sports fans will hold a grudge for the rest of their natural life, so engaging in a little trolling the month directly following the trade deadline is within (their) reason.)

On Friday night, Roy Halladay took the mound against a lineup with, what, a single guy that the Yanks actually drafted? Didn’t matter. Halladay no doubt also took a long look at the assembly of pukes and clownshits that Rogers Communications gave him and just went to fucking work.

With Roy on the hill, this team can trot out – actually, there is no way to exaggerate who Rogers Communications could or couldn’t play. Nobody I can plausibly submit would be worse than Kevin Millar hitting fourth, Vernon Wells hitting fifth and Joe Inglett, John McDonald and Rod Barajas hitting wherever the fuck they were hitting. This miserable, contemptible organization gave the best player in franchise history some of the worst players in baseball… and it didn’t matter. It didn’t fucking matter.

This will be the one game I remember from this season. Hopefully, in the yeasr to come, it will be the only game I remember. I have no doubt that the human garbage that own this team will get rid of Roy, the only player worth watching in the last ten years. They’ll fuck it up, and fuck it up at a level where letting 3 of your first 5 picks go unsigned (as they just did in the draft) seems calculated and shrewd. At this point, the pieces of shit running this team – Nadir Mohamed and Paul Beeston, mostly – are nothing short of super-villains, as far as I’m concerned, for the carefully plotted and executed plan to fuck this team over for the next ten years. It wouldn’t surprise me if they were rolling their eyes over the course of Halladay’s dominating performance, since the quicker he disposed of those Yankee fucks, the less time people had to purchase whatever overpriced shit they were hawking at the ballpark.

All this going on, and the worst part of this season is that it has forever tainted my impression of Cito Gaston. He doesn’t pinch hit. He can’t manage a bullpen. He is completely beholden to righty/lefty matchups and (this is the worst part) too fucking stupid to pull platoon partners later in the game when the opposing team has gone to their bullpen. Don’t get me wrong – he’s still middle of the pack in terms of common sense when it comes to the small pool of Professional Baseball Managers, but Cito had the distinction of being the only guy to ever win anything with any of the teams I follow, and now I look at him and see him leave Kevin Millar in the game when a right-handed pitcher enters the game, with Lyle Overbay (.380 OBP) sitting on the bench with his thumb jammed up his ass and just steam. I know the right move, and he doesn’t. It’s infuriating.

But for one night it didn’t matter. For one night the Jays beat the shit out of the collection of mercenaries that got it al right this year, and should sweep a World Series victory. A one-hit, complete game shutout against the best team money can buy. That’s Roy fucking Halladay.

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