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Carbon Monoxide Poisoning Is No Laughing Matter
Dec 9th, 2008 by Ice Cream Jonsey

Two of my Internet friends, Jhoh and Jsoh Cable, recently had a spell with a carbon monoxide leak. Luckily, they were able to get the situation corrected, and they’re both gonna be fine.

I contacted a few posters on Caltrops.com (where I “hang out” with the twins) and together, we all signed a get-well card for them.

Would you like to know more?

It Sure Will Be Nice to Have an Upbeat Game Like Fallout 3 for the Holidays
Nov 3rd, 2008 by Ice Cream Jonsey

Fallout 3 is the first game I’ve been determined to play through to some sort of ending since BioShock, and unlike BioShock, this game is not a six-hour venture that even I can knock off in a week. Oh no. Bethesda makes video games like Oppenheimer makes bombs: glorious, expansive, and filled with a lifetime of pain for the consumers. Fallout 3 will be taking me straight through Halloween, right through Thanksgiving and into Christmas, and but for the grace of God do I not succumb to the dismal horrors presented every second in the Wasteland.

I can’t even adequately explain how depressing this game is, so let’s start off as to whether or not it’s fucking awesome. Here’s a quick Fallout 3 FAQ:

Q: Is Fallout 3, the third Fallout game, completely fucking awe-
A: IMMA ADDICTED TO STIMS

Q: …
A: I have a negATIVE ONE TO INT AND CHAR WHOops

Q: … Can you attach a screenshot that shows some of the —
A: STIMS


That screenshot doesn’t even do the combat system justice. Bethseda have outdone themselves with the thing they are calling “V.A.T.S.” — essentially, you enter this mode to target some of the freaks in the Wasteland, and then the game adopts a sort of slow motion, pseudocinematronic delight of the camera, to show what should be the absolute horrors of war, but what instead comes off as the greatest combat engine that’s ever existed.

I can’t even write straight right now. I’m just filled with all the cool things in this game – how you can detonate a nuclear weapon in one of the cities, how this is the first game where “repairing” a weapon doesn’t make me want to get the game disc in a state where it itself needs to be “repaired,” how one time my player was shooting a Raider in the chest with an assault rifle, and she JUMPED IN THE AIR to get the angle right as she unloaded a burst of weaponry into the poor bastard.

I’ve purchased Wasteland, Fallout 1, Fallout 2, the Brotherhood of Steel games and so on and so forth, but the most fun I’ve ever had was actually with the original (Wasteland). I actually think that it is just as true to Wasteland as it is (or isn’t, according to many of the posters at No Mutants Allowed) to Fallout. the VATS system really does seem to translate the original turn-based combat of Wasteland… and I love it.

Really, the nice little details in this game have me hooked. The unit of currency is bottle caps. There is a healing object in the game called Nuka Cola. If you drink some cola… a bottle cap is added to your inventory. I just love that someone thought of that, went, “a-ha!” and they were able to put it into the game.

The intro to Fallout 3 is terrible, but once you get past that, it really does pick up. The graphics are drop-dead gorgeous, and it has a perfect balance of ammo, money and enemies. They also resisted the monster closet issue that plagued Doom 3 – when you secure an area in Fallout 3, it seems to stay secure.

I do apologize for not updating my website the last week… but honestly, this is where I was.

The Best Game in the World is the One You Haven’t Played Yet
Oct 28th, 2008 by Ice Cream Jonsey

My friend Alex sent me an e-mail with this photo. His line was, 'Have you ever been walking down the street, and for a moment been confused into thinking 'Is it 1996?''Although I definitely had some stuff I have to do around the yard tomorrow, I did mostly take tomorrow off from work to play Fallout 3. I have talked about using a vacation day for a video game for years, but I am not sure if I had actually done so before? I have to get down to under two weeks by the end of the year, so knowing I have to burn some anyway… well, here we are.

Fallout 3 is installing as I write this. Actually, knowing a little something about how long it takes, I can write several thousand words and the fact that it is still installing shall still be true.

I have found, as I have become older, that I am willing to set a game down for anything. It’s like I am just looking for an excuse to do so. Don’t like the save system? Boom! Outta there. Don’t like the default control scheme? Good day! I said good day! It doesn’t work well with my trackball, because the game needs a scrollwheel? I don’t even have to say it. 

It’s sort of sad, because I stopped pirating games years ago, but my ability to instantly drop a game and never return didn’t change. This is all really starting to cost me a lot of money. I dropped the original Half-Life because it was TOO SCARY. This is really stupid of me. But I end up knowing fairly quickly if I am going to finish a game… BioShock and Freedom Force are probably the last two that I just “knew” I’d play until they were done. 

So I am a little worried about the money I just dropped on Fallout 3. I was under the impression that – at some point in the game – we’d all be able to pick what city we want to set a suitcase nuke off in. I have seen about seventeen seconds of promotional video for this game, and I guess I had created a weird fiction off it. It’s fine, it’s okay – nobody is saying “FUCK YOU BETHESDA” here or anything. I really do know nothing about how it plays, what the story is going to be like, whether it’s really destined to be the horror that the guys at No Mutants Allowed seem to think it’ll be… I know nothing. This is how I wanted it. (I knew literally nothing about BioShock before grabbing that last year, aside from the fact that I’d be shooting libertarians at some point.) 

I’m excited. Right now, as Fallout 3 completes its installation procedure (I have to admit, it was rather quick!) it’s the greatest game that has ever existed. I hope the reality just comes close!

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