Basketball in the Hood
by Knuckles the CLown
I had to get a job, so I went down to the poultry processing plant in West Livingston and much to my chagrin they hired me. I work this shitty job “cleaning” chickens for 8.95 an hour plus 50% bennies. Anyhow last Saturday “Gumms” McGrathley asked me what I was doing Sunday morning and I said “getting up, masturbating and then going to McDonalds for $1 griddle cakes” He asked me if I wanted to play basketball down at Grootz Park. Well the ol' clown suit has been getting a little tight so I said yes.
Sunday morning rolls around and I completed the aforementioned tasks and then took the bus to Gumms house. I wondered what splendor one lived in on an $8.95 chicken slaughtering gig and I was pleasantly revolted and not quite surprised. His house looked like a crude fort abandoned by gypsies. I remarked “Nice place gums, this shithole must've set you back a paycheck or one.” He replied “fuck you, knuckles I GOT equity in here”. Anyhow we stopped at the salvation army next door where I stole some Air Jordan knock offs called Air Jordaches, I think they used to belong to some filthy Muslim or something. Anyhow the left foot was a size 10 and the right a size 11.5, a perfect match, is there a Knuckles Muslim twin running around out there? (if so he's probably throwing rocks at a kindergarten class in Istanbul or Zurich, or wherever those greasy pigs live).
Well I am sad and disappointed to find out that reliable transportation isn't an added feature to being Gumms friend, so we have to hoof it to Grootz. We arrive and the place looks like a page out of National Geographic…. Because the walls around the court had been spray painted with lions and tigers and shit. YOU THOUGHT I WAS GONNA SAY IT WAS CAUSE THERE WAS A BUNCH OF BLACKS RUNNING AROUND!! FUCK YOU, YOU PASTY RACISTS!
Anyhow I survey the scene and it's me, Gumm's retarded ass and a bunch of black guys running around.
I counted and there were 10 of us so game on. Since all you bbsers do for exercise is throw dice for thacos and attributes, basketball is a 5 on 5 ball through goal orientated game that doesn't require a fat guy in pads blocking the goal like hockey or soccer.
We divvy up teams and me and Gumms are separated on opposing teams. We are told to guard each other. After about 10 minutes of play I notice a disturbing trend. None of these assholes will pass me or Gumms the ball. We don't say anything at first but finally the dam bursts after being passed over for a wide open lay-up. I screamed “Why don't you fucking assholes pass me the ball” The one who I nicknamed Lips Jackson screamed back “screw you white boy, your shoes don't even match BITCH” I told him I was gonna stick one of my mismatched shoes up his black ass. That made Gumms laugh..(Which isn't pretty when he smiles it looks like a rotten ham sandwich with little pieces of corn sticking out) Well, the game stopped and I was being threatened by all eight of these black guys, I said “Don't hurt me, I work at the chicken plant and if I miss work you fucks will be eating fried turkey with your collared greens.” That's last thing I remember. I woke up in a dumpster, I was beat up pretty bad. But the strange thing was when I got home and took off my stolen shoes-- they were both size 10.5
About the author:
Knuckles the CLown is available for Communions, Inquisitions and Jahuars for $25 an hour plus bus fare.